Yes, I know my last name is Bernstein
28 years ago today Leaves on the Current and I got married in an Orthodox Wedding.
It was a Sunday afternoon.
It was not an Orthodox synagogue, because I was not religiously Jewish.
It was at St. Mark Orthodox Church in Bethesda, MD, part of of the Orthodox Church in America.
This will post automatically at 8 PM. Since it is our wedding anniversary, I apologize for not being here to attend it, as we will be at a favorite restaurant in the Virginia countryside for our anniversary dinner.
Welcome to Brothers and Sisters, the weekly meetup for prayer* and community at Daily Kos. We put an asterisk on pray* to acknowledge that not everyone uses conventional religious language, but may want to share joys and concerns, or simply take solace in a meditative atmosphere. Anyone who comes in the spirit of mutual respect, warmth and healing is welcome.
Please keep reading as I explore the Orthodox wedding service, remembering back almost 3 decades ago.
The ceremony is, as one might expect, full of Biblical texts and references, both from the Hebrew and the Christian Bibles.
The complete text of the service can be read in the English language version of the Greek Orthodox Church here. The translation we used was slightly different, because the Orthodox Church in America derives its liturgical practices from the Russian rather than the Greek tradition - some slight differences, but irrelevant for the purposes of this post.
We were both aware that the thrust of the some of the texts do not align with our own believes and practices. We have chosen not to have children, and unlike the Pauline admonition, I do not believe that I am my wife's head, and were I to express such a belief I am quite sure she would properly admonish me.
I want to focus for now on one paragraph of the conclusion of the opening Litany that is very appropriate:
Bless (+) this marriage and grant unto these Your servants (Name) and (Name) a peaceful life, length of days, chastity, love for one another in a bond of peace, offspring long‑lived, fair fame by reason of their children, and a crown of glory that does not fade away.
The notion of the crown is critical to the Orthodox wedding, which is why the ceremony is also known as the Crowning.
Next I want to examine a group of three paragraphs from the Litany that immediately follows:
(+) Bless them. O Lord our God, as you blessed Abraham and Sara. (+) Bless them, O Lord our God, as You blessed Isaac and Rebecca. (+) Bless them, O Lord our God, as you blessed Jacob and all the Prophets. (+) Bless them, O Lord our God, as You blessed Joseph and Asenath. (+) Bless them O Lord our God, as You blessed Moses and Zipporah Bless them, O Lord our God, as You blessed Joakim and Anna. (+) Bless them, O Lord our God, as You blessed Zacharias and Elizabeth. Preserve them, O Lord our God, as You preserved Noah in the Ark.
Preserve them, O Lord our God, as You preserved Jonah in the jaw of the sea beast. Preserve them, O Lord our God, as You preserved the holy Three Children from the fire, when You sent down upon them the dew of the Heavens. And may that joy come upon them which the blessed Helen had when she found the Precious Cross. Remember them, O Lord our God, as You remembered Enoch, Shem, and Elias.
Remember them, O Lord our God, as You remembered Your holy Forty Martyrs, sending down upon them the crowns from the Heavens. Remember them, O Lord our God, and the parents who have reared them, for the prayers of parents confirm the foundation of houses. Remember, O Lord our God, the wedding company that here have come together, to be present at this rejoicing.
You will note the references are to both sets of Scripture, but not merely to marriages, but also to do those whom God protected, particularly the Prophets.
But note especially this" You remembered Your holy Forty Martyrs, sending down upon them the crowns from the Heavens.
Again we see the reference to crowns, in this case earned by martyrdom in remaining true to the faith.
There is one more litany before the actual crowning, the closing prayer of which is this:
Holy God, Who fashioned man from the dust, and from his rib fashioned woman, and joined her to him as a helpmate for him, for it was seemly unto Your Majesty for man not to be alone upon the earth, do You Yourself, O Sovereign Lord, stretch forth Your hand from Your holy dwelling place, and join* together this Your servant (Name) and Your servant (Name), for by You is a wife joined to her husband. Join them together in oneness of mind; crown them with wedlock into one flesh; grant to them the fruit of the womb, and the gain of well favored children, for Yours is the dominion, and Yours is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory: of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages.
crown them with wedlock into one flesh - the crowning is a uniting, and if you will, a shared martyrdom.
Here it is important to note that the Greek word from which we derive our term "martyr" originally meant witness.
Among the definitions one can find in English dictionaries is this
One who makes great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle.
In the eyes of the Orthodox church, there is a principle of faithfulness, to each other to be sure, but since this is a sacrament of the Church, to God as well.
It is well worth noting that while Jesus himself was baptized (by John the Baptist), he himself did not baptize. But he did at the Wedding Feast at Cana enhance the celebration by turning water into wine. This biblical event is of importance in many Christian traditions, including both the Catholic and Orthodox churches. When one remembers that wine also becomes the blood of Jesus at the eucharistic services (Mass for Catholics, Holy Eucharist for Orthodox), there is a further connection with the sacrifice of Jesus on behalf of the entire created world.
As an aside not directly relevant to this post, the word eucharist is derived from the Greek word for giving thanks.
The actual crowning is very brief
After the Amen, the Priest, taking up the Crowns, crowns first the Bridegroom, saying:
The servant of God (Name) is crowned for the servant of God, (Name), in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. (Thrice)
And he crowns the Bride, saying:
The servant of God (Name) is crowned for the servant of God (Name), in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. (Thrice)
The Priest takes the Crown of the Groom in his right hand, and the Crown of the Bride in his left, and places them on their heads while he intones>:
O Lord, our God, crown them with glory and honor.
There is a slight difference between the Greek and Russian practices. In the Greek practice the crowns are placed directly on the heads of the couple being married. Sometimes they are flowered crowns which then become treasured possessions. The Russian practice is to use ornate metal crowns which are NOT placed on the heads, but held over the heads by the principal attendants. In our case the latter applied, with her sister as her honor attendant and a friend from the Church in which I had become Orthodox serving as mine. Tradition has it that Catherine the Great ordered that no one actually wear a crown except her, because she did not want the nobility getting ideas. Then again, she was not Russian nor Orthodox by background, having been born into a family of Germanic nobility, from which two of her cousins became Kings of Sweden.
There are an Epistle reading, a Gospel reading, and litanies. Then the couple drink from a common cup, and then . . . .
In front of the royal doors of the iconastasis (icon screen) is a small table with an incon on it - often of the Saint or feast of the day.
At this point in the service the Priest leads the couple round it three times while the following is sung:
O Isaiah, dance your joy, for the Virgin was indeed with child; and brought to birth a Son, that Emmanuel, Who came as both God and man; Day‑at‑the‑Dawn is the Name He bears, and by extolling Him, We hail the Virgin as blessed.
Hear us, you martyred Saints, who fought the good fight, gaining crowns: entreat the Lord to shed His tender mercy on our souls.
Glory to You, O Christ our God, Your Apostles' proudest boast and treasure of Your Martyrs' joy, Who to all proclaimed the Consubstantial Trinity.
Or if you prefer, watch/listen here. This is an OCA church like the one in which we were married. As a side note, this is the church attended by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn after he moved to the US. You will note the crowns are on the heads of the couple.
The video begins with the litany before the Common Cup. You will note that each drinks 3 times, as an affirmation of the Holy Trinity.
The actual processing begins at about 3:20. Because the crowns are on the heads, the honor attendants only have to follow behind. It takes only a couple of minutes. Then the crowns are removed, and the ceremony completes.
The music you have just heard is exactly the same as that sung as we processed 28 years ago today.
I am no longer an Orthodox Christian. I still treasure the memory of the service in which we were united, not merely in the eyes of friends and family gathered together, but as a part of the continuity of an almost 2,000 year old religious tradition.
The service roots us in that tradition, including in the tradition of my Jewish heritage.
I offered to do this Brothers and Sisters precisely because it fell on our wedding anniversary.
We have experienced ups and downs in 28 years.
We have had a very remarkable year because of the cancer about which we learned just over 11 months ago. Dealing with it has transformed both of us, and of course our life together.
Although we may no longer worship in common, yet we are still bound in the richness of the religious tradition in which we were married, which is why I thought this an appropriate affirmation on this final Brothers and Sisters for 2013.
Peace.