In a horrifying display of gross misconduct, U.S. Customs agents seized Oscar the Grouch as he returned home from visiting relations in Canada after the New Year's holiday and proceeded to willfully and maliciously tear him limb-from-limb in front of a stunned crowd of passengers.
The incident was caught on video by a highly traumatized young woman, who uploaded it to YouTube before Customs was able to seize and destroy the smart phone.
An official for the Customs Department said that they didn't seize the veteran, internationally-known performer and had actually confiscated & destroyed "biologically hazardous agricultural material" as per standard procedure.
"And besides, he was green and looked like a huge bud of marijuana," the official added, hastily turning and barricading himself back in his office.
Millions of children worldwide mourn the loss of their favorite grouch, as equally troubled adults who had grown up with Oscar petitioned the government for an immediate investigation.
Longtime friend and associate Kermit the Frog refused to speak to cameras as news of Oscar's demise broke, mumbling only "It's not easy, being green," but an informed assistant to the talented amphibian released a statement on his behalf:1
"Kermit refuses to travel, citing concerns for his personal safety in lieu of his natural skin tone as well as his partner Piggy's oft-misconstrued association with farm animals and agriculture."
Services were held on Sesame Street, but overflowed into the surround neighborhoods, bringing traffic to a standstill for over three hours.
Irritated commuters grumbled in anger at the unexpected delay.
Oscar would have loved it.
1 Diary updated slightly to include Kermit's reaction. Hat-tip to lotlizard for the idea for Kermit's statement.