I have searched the web and have spent thousands of dollars on therapy to help me cope with my fiance's adult children. Has anyone had this problem. Specifics below.
Three and a half years ago I reached out through email to the girl I had learned about love with so long ago. Being on opposite sides of the country I thought this was a platonic reaching out after 35 years.
So one thing leads to another and we are now both divorced, engaged and living in Manhattan for the past two and a half years. While there have been many difficulties in this reconnection nothing compares to my difficulty in being around her three mostly grown kids.
From the very beginning I have had difficulty when there are two or more of them together. I feel like I disappear. Conversation tends to be about people and past events I was not around for. When one of them visits and stays with us, all long distance, it is all very comfortable. Two or more together? I am there only to pick up the tab.
So I have wanted to set some boundaries. One at a time. Fine. Two or more? Only for very short durations. One or two nights at most.
This has caused serious problems to be sure. We have come very close to seperating over this. Her kids being together as a unit is very important to her. For me this can, and recently did, cause me to have a panic attack that led to a night with no sleep.
So what do you think? Any similar experiences and or advice. As I have said, I have reached out professionally already.
I love this woman but I HATE this situation.