My fellow interweb citizens! Let me present you with the following facts:
1. I am a pretty damn good writer
2. Haribo Sugarless Gummi Bears are a Weapon of Mass Destruction for the human digestive system.
3. The Amazon customer reviews for Haribo Sugarless Gummi Bears are Hi-larious.
These bears are instruments of the devil...but we shall use them for good!
4. I have a 5 lb. bag of Haribo Sugarless Gummi Bears scheduled to be delivered to me by Friday.
5. An Amazon customer review of my experience with said Gummi Bears will be the most epic, gut-busting review you have ever read. It will be like The Grapes of Wrath...but with more flatulence and fewer jalopies.
6. I have pledged to eat one satanic diarrhea bear for every $5 that is donated to the 1st Inaugural Mountaineer Bad Beard-Off for Clean Water that will; help the 300,000+ West Virginians who have seen their water poisoned (again) and have had their elected officials abandon them (again) over the past two weeks.
7. You can donate at our website here: The 1st Inaugural Mountaineer Bad Beard-Off for Clean Water -- All donations go directly to theKeeper of the Mountains Foundation, who immediately goes about using the money to provide WV residents with water, disinfectant wipes and other supplies.
Now, get out there and start donating!!! We're at $135, or 27 gummi bears, so far and I know we can at least make it to $200 by the end of the weekend.
Here some recent pictures showing some of the supplies that money raised from the 1st Inaugural Mountaineer Bad Beard-Off for Clean Water has been able to buy: