This weekend, the folks at Huffington Post were doing some digging, and turned up a mighty interesting column that Tom Cotton wrote in 1997, during his junior year at Harvard--one of several he wrote for the Harvard Crimson. The piece, called "Promises and Covenants," argues that based on an admittedly unscientific survey of women from Radcliffe, women shouldn't push for easy divorce because it can end up backfiring on them in the long run.
I have been asking women two questions. My first question was "What is your greatest fear in life?" Uniformity characterized the responses. (Yes, these are actual responses from Cliffies; I did not fabricate them.) "Watching my husband walk out on me." "Losing my lover." "Getting a divorce."
My second question was very similar: "What is your deepest hope in life?" Again, the responses were uniform. "Finding and holding onto the love of my life." "Being a good wife and mother." "Marrying a man who worships me and whom I worship."
Really?
My sample is admittedly small and perhaps unrepresentative. If it is representative-I tend to think it is-then maybe men can unlock the secret to a woman's heart and soul. Maybe the key is nothing more than a lifetime of love and devotion, of selflessness and sacrifice.
Cotton argues that if it's easy to get a divorce, men will inevitably throw their women overboard--and it will end up only hurting women in the long run.
Feminists who allegedly speak for women should attack divorce, not its effects. If men have easy access to divorce, many will choose it thoughtlessly. They may not gain true happiness with their new trophy wives, but they certainly will not slide into the material indigence and emotional misery that awaits most divorced women. If restrained, however, men can fulfill women's deepest hopes. They can learn that personal happiness comes from the desire to devote and sacrifice oneself to one's beloved.
Cotton also cites data about the economic hardships faced by divorced women--how they frequently have to pull teeth to get child support, for instance. Um, Tom? Why not crack down on deadbeat dads?
The solution? In Cotton's mind, it's covenant marriage. At the time Cotton wrote this, Louisiana had just become the first state to pass a covenant marriage law, which only allows divorce only in cases of abandonment, physical abuse, adultery or a felony conviction. One big problem with that concept is that it doesn't cover emotional abuse. My ex-wife, for instance, was very controlling and emotionally abusive. I came out of that three-year marriage every bit as beaten down as a battered woman. I had to jump through enough hoops as it was getting a divorce from a non-covenant marriage.
No word yet whether Cotton still stands by this. Though it would be mighty interesting if someone pressed him on it.