It's a situation we've all witnessed: A major public figure comes out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, and the internet's collective mind explodes. No matter that person's intellectual or physical achievements, a record of success is forever discarded in the minds of many by the simple admission of THE GAY. One merely has to scroll to the comments section of any article on Michael Sam's recent disclosure of his sexuality to observe this phenomenon in real-time (for those who don't follow football, Michael Sam was a defensive end at Missouri, and prominent NFL draft pick for 2014).
While there are an encouraging number of comments praising Sam for his actions floating around, you unfortunately don't have to scroll far to compile an extensive list of slurs, degradation, and general adventures in missing the point. Having watched this cycle of ignorance and petty phobia throughout several celebrity coming out processes (and it's even worse this time, because he's a manly-man sports star...gasp!), I've decided to compile my all-time favorite public reactions and my responses to them below the orange goal line of fabulousness, just in case you find yourself in need of a clutch fourth quarter tackle for people who utter these absurdities in your life, whether in person or in the ether.
And for the kickoff...
5) "That's fine and all, but having a gay player will throw off the team dynamic because football is a man's game, and comments like 'fagg*t' are a big part of locker room banter."
This is probably the weakest argument of them all, as anyone with an internet connection should know by now that "gay" doesn't necessarily equate to "effeminate." Some gay men love fashion and interior design, and some are football-loving, flannel-wearing bros, as well as every variation in between (The key word in "gay people" is PEOPLE. No one fits exactly into a prescribed mold, straight or LGBT). The most hilarious element here, though, is definitely the idea that a gay man in the locker room would make it too awkward for straight players and coaches to continue a cycle of homophobic slurs as the norm. Because it would ruin football as we know it to address and change such a central aspect of the game.
4) "Why does it even matter? You don't see straight players making a big deal of their 'straightness.'"
This is a comment I've also heard critiquing Pride Parades or any public displays touting non-heterosexuality, usually from those who claim that they "have nothing against gay people, but..." This is a flawed line of thinking because it fails to account for the strong influence of heteronormativity in our society. Straight players are lucky enough not to have to "come out" because we happen to rigidly enforce heteronormativity (the idea that being straight is the only "good" or "normal" way to be). We automatically assume "straightness" in everyone, so straight players' sexualities have been validated their whole lives. Sam and other LGBT people come out because their orientations aren't the one that everyone assumes until proven otherwise. By standing up and being proud of who he is, Sam grants visibility to gay people in professional sports who haven't felt like they could be honest with sponsors or fans without risking their careers, as well as paving the way for future professional athletes to be open about their own sexualities.
3) "He's just looking for attention and special treatment in the draft."
Well, he probably does desire attention, but not in the way this comment implies. The attention is not about touting himself in the media, or getting picked higher in the draft (He's a unanimous All-American and co-Defensive Player of the Year...he's doing quite well in that department based solely on his merits as a player). It's about being honest about who he is on his own terms, as well as garnering attention for a movement bigger than himself and showing society that gay people aren't some fringe group to be "other"-ized. They are everywhere, even in the NFL.
2) "He should let this be about his skills, not who he wants to f*ck."
I reliably hear this or something similar whenever any public figure comes out, and it's getting really annoying. How is it that being gay is perceived to only be about screwing as many people as you can? Is "straightness" defined by compulsively banging everything that moves of the opposite sex? There is this bizarre (and harmful) assumption that straight people fall in love, but gay people are only after your butt hole. Welcome to the 21st century. My name is JP, I'll be your tour guide (put on your sunglasses, it's much brighter here than in 1953): LGBT people have innocent crushes, tumultuous and confusing affairs, and deep meaningful love just like straight people do. His coming out isn't about wanting praise for liking the cock, it's being open about a major aspect of who he is as a human being.
Any the award for silliest, most ridiculous reaction goes to...
1) "A gay man in the locker room would be the same as a male player showering with the cheerleaders. Straight players shouldn't have to be ogled by a gay."
Oh my, where to begin? Firstly, some news for straight men: If you've showered or changed in a communal locker room, gay men have already seen you naked. Just because he wasn't out doesn't mean that friend from gym class or your buddy on the swim team wasn't gay. Gay guys aren't out to "get" straight men, or leer at them inappropriately. Chances are they're simply there to shower, just like you (outrageous claim, I know, but stick with me). Another funny aspect of this phobia is the assumption on the part of the threatened straight man that any and every gay man automatically lusts after him. What makes you think you're his type, or even good enough for him? Have you ever stopped to think that HE might not want YOU?
At its core, I think this irrational fear on the part of homophobes of being naked in the vicinity of a gay man comes from one of two places: 1) Being secretly terrified that they might love being with another man, or 2) Fear of being treated by a man the way they've always treated women: like sexual objects.
Homophobes are lurking everywhere...your neighborhood, your schools, even your computer. Hopefully with enough of us pushing back, they'll recede until they're an unpleasant social memory we chuckle at (not so) fondly with our out-and-proud football star grandchildren.