Last night, Stephen Colbert looked at how Bill O'Reilly is congratulating himself repeatedly for his interview with Barack Obama before the Super Bowl.
Folks, the Super Bowl was 10 days ago, and America is still buzzing over the embarrassingly lopsided victory of Bill O'Reilly over President Obama in the pre-game interview. Everybody's talking about it, from Bill O'Reilly on The O'Reilly Factor to Bill O'Reilly anywhere there's a camera.Video below the fold.
BILL O'REILLY (2/7/2014): The whole country continues to digest my interview with President Obama. ... I asked him the tough questions that nobody else — on one — has asked him. ... We asked you to grade my interview with President Obama. 44% gave the interview an A.Yes, folks, everybody knows on Super Bill Sunday, O'Reilly gave the interview of the decade. In that he will be talking about it for the next 10 years. (audience laughter and cheering) Lot of O'Reilly fans here tonight.
BILL O'REILLY (2/10/2014): I guarantee you, that what he said on the record is now going to be the focus of Congressional hearings.
BILL O'REILLY (2/5/2014): We estimate it was watched by more than 100 million people. ... And that's just in the USA.
BILL O'REILLY (2/4/2014): Hundreds of millions more seeing it on the world wide net. Big! And pretty much everybody knows it.
And now, Papa Bear's giving us all a chance to own a piece of history.BILL O'REILLY (2/11/2014): My handwritten interview notes, signed by me and President Obama, are being auctioned off, nice unique historical item. ... This is the original, obviously one of a kind, and we are auctioning it off. Opening bid $10,000 dollars. Now I know it's a lot of money, but if you'd like a beautiful replica of the signed notes it can be yours for a $25 dollar donation to the Fisher House.Yes, in an historic move, Bill's historically auctioning off the historic notes of his historic interview, and the winner will then possess evidence of Bill's meticulous preparation, from "Health Care website" to "Football" to "How liberal? Most liberal Prez?" to "Fox News!"
(audience cheering and applause)
And folks, that last one's just a reminder in case Bill forgets where he works. Plus, these notes were signed by the President, but more importantly, they were signed by Bill O'Reilly.
Everything this man touches is historic. And that's why tonight I'm excited to announce I'm auctioning my historic Bill O'Reilly artifact. You see folks, back in 2007 on an historic night, I appeared on The Factor, and Bill came on the Report. Historians can debate who came out on top, but only one of us came away with the other's microwave oven.
Folks, what you are looking at here is the actual microwave oven I stole from Bill O'Reilly's green room. OK? This is it. (audience cheering and applause) I had to, folks, because this carousel right here
technically, makes this a spin zone. (audience laughter) And that's against the O'Reilly Constitution, no-go zone. Folks, this is the most historically important journalistic microwave since 1977's Defrost/Nixon.
Of course, I'm a good guy, so all proceeds of the microwave oven will go to benefit the Yellow Ribbon Fund, which helps injured servicemembers and their families. I was going to take Bill's cue and open the bidding at $10,000 dollars, but after a little research on eBay, I found out that most 6-year-old microwaves go for about $40 bucks.
However, this one was used by Bill O'Reilly himself, so we will start the bidding at $43 dollars. (audience laughter and cheering) Which is a bargain, folks, when you consider that the keypad on this thing contains more words than Bill's entire interview notes. (audience laughter)
Plus, the microwave will be signed by me, and by Bill O'Reilly — if he signs it. (audience laughter) Please sign it Bill, it's for the troops and their families. Oh, and if the auction's too rich for your blood, for $10 dollars, you can buy a Xeroxed copy... (audience laughter and cheering)
a Xeroxed copy of an actual iPhone picture of the microwave. Every one of these Xeroxes is numbered and signed... by you.
All right, I'm also selling pens. This is a Pilot pen, and it is still mostly full. So if you've got an appreciation for history, and/or a Hot Pocket to cook, get those bids in today. We'll be right back.