Imagine you’re a black man, and someone insults your non-black significant other by disparaging her for being in love with you…
We can stop the analogy there, because I’ve actually asked too much of your imagination if you are 1) not a black man, and 2) not involved in a relationship with someone you love enough to feel you need to protect her. Nobody’s Kanye West, nor could anyone ever hope to be [if you let him tell it], but I’m not upset with him for assaulting the 18 year-old who called Kim Kardashian a “nigger lover” and “stupid slut,” according to TMZ’s reporting of the event. I can’t exactly say I condone Mr. West’s use of violence [a witness says he hit the guy more than 30 times], but I think I understand. I’m more concerned, however, with the reactions of people who come to the defense of the initial assailant—the 18 year old—by suggesting that Kanye’s “casual use” of the word nigger [as an artist] should temper his rage at hearing the insult aimed at him. That’s stupid. No matter how you look at it, no matter how you feel about the word, no matter what you think of Kanye, to believe he shouldn’t be upset, or worse, he caused this fracas, is proof of how unenlightened we truly are as a society, despite how much we like to try to convince ourselves otherwise.
I’m frankly quite tired of the “If Black People Continue To Be Upset By People Saying Nigger, Maybe They Should Stop Saying It Themselves.” defense. It’s a weak rebuttal that excuses a bad behavior by pointing at another “bad behavior” as its cause. It’s, in essence, saying, “I called you nigger not only because of the color of your skin, but because [I think] you use the word nigger, as well. I believe this to be true because I hear it in music, movies and on television, and I’m not really gullible enough to be that easily influenced by media, but it sounds plausible enough to distract you and everyone else from my idiocy and bigotry if I accuse you of causing it.”
But here’s the thing: I don’t care if you use the word. I frankly don’t care what words you choose to use. I mean, “freedom of speech” is a constitutional right, and I respect it. I don’t like everyone’s opinions, but it’s neither my job nor my desire to try to change them. It’s easy for me to say that a person could “get away” with calling me nigger or my significant other nigger-lover, because it hasn’t happened. And I would love to believe that if it did happen I would be able to walk away without further incident. If I did respond violently, however, it would be downright insulting to insinuate that because I’ve used the word before I have no legitimate reason for being upset…since I use the word myself.
The truth is I do use the word. Often. Not generally, in everyday speech, or casually, at work with my colleagues, but I use it sometimes—when I’m on the phone with my brother or conversing with close friends. I definitely use it when I write, whether it’s poetry, lyrics or stories. I refuse to make excuses for the words I use, because I can say whatever I want. When I feel it’s appropriate, I use it, and I don’t feel bad about it. You can feel however you choose about it, but I won’t allow anyone to dictate my word choices. This is not to say that you should allow anyone to say whatever they want to you or about you, or to not stand up for what you think is inappropriate in shared public spaces, but besides making your opinion known, there’s not much you can actually legally do to force people not to say words you don’t like. Kanye will likely face legal repercussions for his actions, as he should, but his being upset can’t be cast aside or deemed irrational because he’s used the offensive term that offended him. I don’t seriously believe this situation will be the catalyst for his deeming the word inappropriate to use in the future, either. If anything, it’ll probably have the opposite effect.
I don’t know if anyone can give an informed opinion without being able to truly imagine being in Kanye’s situation. And as much as we’d like to believe it doesn’t matter, race plays a big role in this and many circumstances where this word is involved. Gender, too. It’s just too simple to say, “If everybody stops saying nigger then we’ll stop having problems.” The problem isn’t what we’re saying, how we’re saying it, or really even why we’re saying it. I’d venture to say the problem isn’t even really the word. The problem is the word wields as much power as it still does, and the conditions still exist that allow it to do so.
My opinion: Say whatever you want, just don’t expect everyone to be okay with it, and don’t be surprised if the more divisive things you say don’t sit well with others. It’s not like anyone can make you say anything you don’t want to say anyway; implying otherwise says quite a bit more about you than any words ever could.