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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Late Night Snark: Sochi and Such

"We are entering the final days of the winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, and it has been magical.  We've laughed. We've cried. We've learned Finland and Denmark are two different places..."
---Stephen Colbert

Even the twin dog
hates Pooty now.
"At the Olympics, the Russian men's hockey team was knocked out by Finland. Vladimir Putin was said to be furious. He was yelling, waving a sword around, threatening to send people to Siberia. Then the game started."
---Craig Ferguson

"There is a big difference between Ted Cruz and snow. Both are white and everyone’s sick of them, but eventually snow goes away."
---Bill Maher

"So the message in Florida is pretty clear: if you fire a gun, you better fucking hit somebody. Because if there's one thing Floridians won't tolerate, it's survivors."
---Jon Stewart on the Michael Dunn verdict

"A team of military researchers is developing a pizza that can stay edible for three years. It’s been a weird couple of years for the military. One minute you’re hunting Osama bin Laden and the next you’re trying to outsmart Papa John."
---Jimmy Fallon

And five years ago:
"How about President Barack Obama's first prime time press conference last night? He was cogent, eloquent, and in complete command of the issues. I'm thinking to myself, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?"
---David Letterman
See that lever on the side of your barcalounger? Give it a good tug. Your west coast-friendly edition of  Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
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Note about tonight's poll: via Vico in the comments, "VW did not join in the complaint. Its name is on the filing only as a joint petitioner for the election. UAW filed the objections alone." C&J regrets the error. You're all getting a free Jetta.

Cheers and Jeers for Friday, February 21, 2014

Note:  Sweep now! Sweep now! Sweep harder!!! Now STOP sweeping! Now sweep again! Sweep harder!!! Now stop sweeping!!!  [Clunk.]  Yes!!! Team C&J wins the gold in nude curling!!! Oof! Oof! Oof!
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bay area renaissance festival logo 2014
1 day!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Mardi Gras: 11
Days 'til Tampa's Bay Area Renaissance Festival: 1
Rank of Iowa City IA, Morgantown WV, Mankato MN and Portland ME on the list of cities with the most affordable health care: #1, #2, #3, #4
Percent less that Portlanders pay vs. the national average for health care: 19%
(Source: Livability.com)
Percent of U.S. workers who go to work no matter how sick they are: 26%
(Source: Public health and safety group NSF)
Amount Facebook paid for the WhatsApp instant messaging subscription service for smartphones: $19 billion
Amount All Star Metals paid for the 60-year-old retired aircraft carrier U.S.S. Forrestal to be scrapped: 1 cent

Current U.S. Olympic Medal Count
Gold: 9  Silver: 7  Bronze: 11

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NEW!  Michele Bachmann Departure Countdown

Michele Bachmann and her googly eyes leave Congress in 316 days.  Please modulate your white guilt accordingly.

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Puppy Pic of the Day:  I'll just repeat the headline: Go Home, the Internet Has Been Won by These Chihuahua and Chicken BFFs

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Iris phhoto taen by Frankenoid
Cheers to 9 years,
Garden Bloggers!
CHEERS to the Great Orange Satan's green thumb brigade.  Tomorrow when you see Frankenoid's Saturday Morning Garden Blogging post on the recommended list, be sure to stop by and say "Hibiscus!"  It's the ninth blogiversary of the sprouting of her perennial column (I'll stop with the puns now), and she'll be marking the occasion with a community fundraiser for political candidates chosen by the Daily Kos community.  Be sure to drop in tomorrow at 9am ET and check out the 2014 races that folks here are watching and supporting, and then stick around and chat about your hopes and dreams for your garden this year.  As usual, here in the C&J household we're just hoping that the snow will be gone by May.

Dalai Lama meets with President Obama Feb. 21, 2014
Hey---FU, China.
JEERS to protesting too loudly.  China is angry---VERY ANGRY!!!---that President Obama has the audacity to meet with the Dalai Lama, and they wanted him to cancel the meeting immediately.  Yes, if it's one country we should listen to, it's China: where the Dalai Lama is a crazy, evil, unstable enemy who deserves to be thrown in jail, and Kim Jong Un is a trusted, respected and serious ally who deserves to be thrown a parade.

CHEERS to #1.  Happieth Birthdayeth to George Washington---he's 282 years old tomorrow and still alive!  (Disclaimer: actual aliveness limited to the hearts of his countrymen. See warranty that expired in 1799 for details.)  Despite his reputation he was far from perfect.  There was the whole cherry tree thing which pissed off environmentalists.  He kept and made life miserable for slaves.  He sometimes beat his own troops during temper tantrums.  Terrible oral hygiene.  Then again, his nation-building instincts were decent:

George Washington on the cover of Time magazine
Washington was Time's Person
of the Year in 1789 and
People magazine's Sexiest
General Alive in 1776.
As president, he was particularly sensitive to the diverse interests of the new country and fervent in his efforts to prevent its fragmentation. ... He promoted roads, canals, the post office---anything and everything that would bind the different states and regions together. ...

Never taking the unity of the country for granted, he remained preoccupied throughout his presidency with creating the sinews of nationhood. ... Washington, more than anyone, promoted the sense of Union that Lincoln and others would later uphold.
---From To the Best of My Ability, edited by James McPherson

Roads.  Canals.  Postal service.  Or as the right-wingers call it: gifts of socialism for the moochers.

CHEERS to unclogging the tubes.  I don't know how much stock to put into this, but it says here that the F.C.C. is working on new open-internet regulations to keep the greedy private sector from erecting toll booths to control the speed at which pages load or video streams.  Good.  That means they won't make me angry by messing with my hamster dance….

You don’t want to see me when someone makes me angry by messing with my hamster dance.

JEERS to really crappy odds.  On Sunday's date in 1836, three thousand Mexicans attacked 182 Texans at The Alamo:

Ronald Reagan shoots gun
Photo evidence! Reagan
defending the Alamo!
Brandishing his assault rifle, General Ronald Reagan and his second-in-command, Colonel Rick Perry, took turns picking off the attackers as Sarah Palin and Ted Cruz loaded and fired the two functional cannons. As Democrats fled in panic, Louie Gohmert and members of the Tea Party Patriots arrived in the nick of time to save the day. The surrender ceremony was conducted on a battleship, followed by a ticker tape parade. That's why today San Antonio is the capitol of the United States and God hates Democrats.
Um, Texas school board textbook committee?  I think we need to have a little chat.

Rachel Maddow screenshot, discussing the motive behind the closure of the GWB bridge
Rachel vs. Bill Maher
tonight on "Real Time."
CHEERS to home vegetation.  The Olympics will dominate TV for one more weekend before the fairy land (so to speak) of Sochi turns back into a pumpkin.  But at the top of my viewing list is tonight's edition of Real Time on HBO, as MSNBC boycotter (too much Bridgegate coverage) Bill Maher faces Rachel Maddow (along with Jane Harman, Charles Cooke, Steve Coogan, and Prof. Michelle Alexander).  The new DVD releases are forgettable, although if you've been waiting for Dolph Lundrgren to battle zombies you can check out Battle of the Damned.  The NBA schedule is here (the Celtics will leave the Lakers high and dry Ha Ha Ha!) and the NHL schedule is here.  On Bill Moyers & Company: Mike Lofgren, author of The Party is Over: How Republicans Went Crazy, Democrats Became Useless, and the Middle Class Got Shafted.  And here's your Sunday morning lineup.  Please hold your applause until you hear Ted Cruz have a lucid thought:
Meet the Press: White House National Security Advisor Susan Rice; roundtable with Chris Matthews, Judy Woodruff, Helene Cooper and David "Invisible Applebee's Salad Bar Is Yummy" Brooks; 1980 "Miracle on Ice" Team USA member Mark Wells.

Thong, red, on clothesline
"Governor Walker, would
you care to explain this?"
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Battle of the senators (Dick Durbin of Illinois and Kelly Ayotte of New Hampshire) versus the governors (Peter Shumlin of Vermont and Scott Walker of Planet Deep Shit); roundtable with climate change denier George Will, Jane Harman, Michael Needham and Juan Williams.

This Week: The intent of this week's program is to destroy your brain cells in a single cluster-bomb of stupid: Bill Kristol, Matt Dowd, Thomas Friedman...and George W. Bush.

Face the Nation: CBS correspondent Holly Williams on the latest from the Ukraine rebellion; Govs. Bobby "Never Gonna Get Elected to Office Again" Jindal (R-LA) and Martin O'Malley (D-MD); roundtable with Margaret Brennan (CBS), Bobby Gosh (Time), Jonathan Martin (NYT), Dan Balz (WaPost), Amy Walter (Cook) and John Dickerson (CBS).

CNN's State of the Union: Scandal creator Joe Morton continues the beltway media's obsession over how much Washington D.C. resembles various TV shows.  (Answer: not much, because the TV shows tend to have some characters who are reasonably competent.)

Happy viewing!

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Five years ago in C&J: February 21, 2009

CHEERS to the human abacus.  In California a kid was born with "24 perfectly-formed fingers and toes---six on each hand and foot."  After a brief nap and diaper change, he was immediately appointed the new state treasurer.

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And just one more…

CHEERS to Massachusetts liberals.  Ted Kennedy was born 82 years ago tomorrow and it goes without saying that he is missed on every imaginable level you can think of, including his sense of humor.  And with Obama pushing for an increase in the minimum wage, this is a perfect time to revisit one of Ted's finest displays of righteous bellow:

Pay your respects here.  Tonight in DKos: the meta fights will be waged with Boston cream pies.

Have a great weekend!  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Poll

Who won the week?

8%253 votes
1%46 votes
2%89 votes
8%254 votes
1%32 votes
3%95 votes
14%450 votes
3%114 votes
1%50 votes
27%852 votes
6%206 votes
18%558 votes
1%56 votes

| 3058 votes | Vote | Results

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