From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: Sochi and Such
"We are entering the final days of the winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, and it has been magical. We've laughed. We've cried. We've learned Finland and Denmark are two different places..."And five years ago:
"At the Olympics, the Russian men's hockey team was knocked out by Finland. Vladimir Putin was said to be furious. He was yelling, waving a sword around, threatening to send people to Siberia. Then the game started."Even the twin dog
hates Pooty now.
"There is a big difference between Ted Cruz and snow. Both are white and everyone’s sick of them, but eventually snow goes away."
"So the message in Florida is pretty clear: if you fire a gun, you better fucking hit somebody. Because if there's one thing Floridians won't tolerate, it's survivors."
---Jon Stewart on the Michael Dunn verdict
"A team of military researchers is developing a pizza that can stay edible for three years. It’s been a weird couple of years for the military. One minute you’re hunting Osama bin Laden and the next you’re trying to outsmart Papa John."
"How about President Barack Obama's first prime time press conference last night? He was cogent, eloquent, and in complete command of the issues. I'm thinking to myself, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?"See that lever on the side of your barcalounger? Give it a good tug. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Note about tonight's poll: via Vico in the comments, "VW did not join in the complaint. Its name is on the filing only as a joint petitioner for the election. UAW filed the objections alone." C&J regrets the error. You're all getting a free Jetta.
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, February 21, 2014
Note: Sweep now! Sweep now! Sweep harder!!! Now STOP sweeping! Now sweep again! Sweep harder!!! Now stop sweeping!!! [Clunk.] Yes!!! Team C&J wins the gold in nude curling!!! Oof! Oof! Oof!-
Days 'til Mardi Gras: 11
Days 'til Tampa's Bay Area Renaissance Festival: 1
Rank of Iowa City IA, Morgantown WV, Mankato MN and Portland ME on the list of cities with the most affordable health care: #1, #2, #3, #4
Percent less that Portlanders pay vs. the national average for health care: 19%
Percent of U.S. workers who go to work no matter how sick they are: 26%
(Source: Public health and safety group NSF)
Amount Facebook paid for the WhatsApp instant messaging subscription service for smartphones: $19 billion
Amount All Star Metals paid for the 60-year-old retired aircraft carrier U.S.S. Forrestal to be scrapped: 1 cent
Current U.S. Olympic Medal Count
Gold: 9 Silver: 7 Bronze: 11
NEW! Michele Bachmann Departure Countdown
Michele Bachmann and her googly eyes leave Congress in 316 days. Please modulate your white guilt accordingly.
Puppy Pic of the Day: I'll just repeat the headline: Go Home, the Internet Has Been Won by These Chihuahua and Chicken BFFs
CHEERS to #1. Happieth Birthdayeth to George Washington---he's 282 years old tomorrow and still alive! (Disclaimer: actual aliveness limited to the hearts of his countrymen. See warranty that expired in 1799 for details.) Despite his reputation he was far from perfect. There was the whole cherry tree thing which pissed off environmentalists. He kept and made life miserable for slaves. He sometimes beat his own troops during temper tantrums. Terrible oral hygiene. Then again, his nation-building instincts were decent:
of the Year in 1789 and
People magazine's Sexiest
General Alive in 1776.
As president, he was particularly sensitive to the diverse interests of the new country and fervent in his efforts to prevent its fragmentation. ... He promoted roads, canals, the post office---anything and everything that would bind the different states and regions together. ...Roads. Canals. Postal service. Or as the right-wingers call it: gifts of socialism for the moochers.
Never taking the unity of the country for granted, he remained preoccupied throughout his presidency with creating the sinews of nationhood. ... Washington, more than anyone, promoted the sense of Union that Lincoln and others would later uphold.
---From To the Best of My Ability, edited by James McPherson
CHEERS to unclogging the tubes. I don't know how much stock to put into this, but it says here that the F.C.C. is working on new open-internet regulations to keep the greedy private sector from erecting toll booths to control the speed at which pages load or video streams. Good. That means they won't make me angry by messing with my hamster dance….
You don’t want to see me when someone makes me angry by messing with my hamster dance.
JEERS to really crappy odds. On Sunday's date in 1836, three thousand Mexicans attacked 182 Texans at The Alamo:
Um, Texas school board textbook committee? I think we need to have a little chat.Brandishing his assault rifle, General Ronald Reagan and his second-in-command, Colonel Rick Perry, took turns picking off the attackers as Sarah Palin and Ted Cruz loaded and fired the two functional cannons. As Democrats fled in panic, Louie Gohmert and members of the Tea Party Patriots arrived in the nick of time to save the day. The surrender ceremony was conducted on a battleship, followed by a ticker tape parade. That's why today San Antonio is the capitol of the United States and God hates Democrats.Photo evidence! Reagan
defending the Alamo!
tonight on "Real Time."
Meet the Press: White House National Security Advisor Susan Rice; roundtable with Chris Matthews, Judy Woodruff, Helene Cooper and David "Invisible Applebee's Salad Bar Is Yummy" Brooks; 1980 "Miracle on Ice" Team USA member Mark Wells.Happy viewing!
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Battle of the senators (Dick Durbin of Illinois and Kelly Ayotte of New Hampshire) versus the governors (Peter Shumlin of Vermont and Scott Walker of Planet Deep Shit); roundtable with climate change denier George Will, Jane Harman, Michael Needham and Juan Williams."Governor Walker, would
you care to explain this?"
This Week: The intent of this week's program is to destroy your brain cells in a single cluster-bomb of stupid: Bill Kristol, Matt Dowd, Thomas Friedman...and George W. Bush.
Face the Nation: CBS correspondent Holly Williams on the latest from the Ukraine rebellion; Govs. Bobby "Never Gonna Get Elected to Office Again" Jindal (R-LA) and Martin O'Malley (D-MD); roundtable with Margaret Brennan (CBS), Bobby Gosh (Time), Jonathan Martin (NYT), Dan Balz (WaPost), Amy Walter (Cook) and John Dickerson (CBS).
CNN's State of the Union: Scandal creator Joe Morton continues the beltway media's obsession over how much Washington D.C. resembles various TV shows. (Answer: not much, because the TV shows tend to have some characters who are reasonably competent.)
Five years ago in C&J: February 21, 2009
CHEERS to the human abacus. In California a kid was born with "24 perfectly-formed fingers and toes---six on each hand and foot." After a brief nap and diaper change, he was immediately appointed the new state treasurer.
And just one more…
CHEERS to Massachusetts liberals. Ted Kennedy was born 82 years ago tomorrow and it goes without saying that he is missed on every imaginable level you can think of, including his sense of humor. And with Obama pushing for an increase in the minimum wage, this is a perfect time to revisit one of Ted's finest displays of righteous bellow:
Pay your respects here. Tonight in DKos: the meta fights will be waged with Boston cream pies.
Have a great weekend! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?