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Down the Monday Morning Memory Hole

It is my sincerely-held religious belief that I have the right to remind the world and its outlying star systems why Bobby Jindal will never be what he wants to be most: the GOP nominee for President of the United States. Five years ago today---oh, tempus, would you please stop fugiting so fast---he loped into a southern foyer scented with jasmine and gave his famous "Welcome to Mayberry" response to President Obama's address to Congress. The ensuing rhetorical disaster, during which, among other things, he invoked the government response to Katrina as an example of why Republicans should be trusted more than Democrats, provided an unforgettable moment in mass pundit shock

“This was the moment for him to seize the mantle with new ideas, new direction, and lay the groundwork for himself as a creative new thinker,” said Thomas Schaller, a political scientist at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County. “He just used old platitudes and party clichés.” (NYT)
Five years later, the GOP continues to bleat those same platitudes and clichés, if anything, even louder. And Jindal? A year ago last month he called the GOP "The stupid party. He was telling the honest-to-god truth. Thus, he will never be the GOP nominee for the POTUS gig.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, February 24, 2014

Note: Sub-human mongrel issues tepid apology for calling a fellow sub-human mongrel a Ted Nugent.  Film at 11.


Georgia Wing Fest logo
19 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til spring: 24
Days 'til the Georgia Wing Fest in Albany: 19
Rank of North Dakota, South Dakota and Nebraska on the list of happiest states in America: #1, #2, #3
Rank of Mississippi, Kentucky and West Virginia: #48, #49, #50
(Source: Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index)
Estimated tax revenue during the first 18 months of recreational marijuana sales in Colorado:
$184 million
(Source: NBC News)
Rise in prices over the last year: 1.6%
(Source: Labor Dept.)

Final U.S. Olympic Medal Count
Gold: 9  Silver: 7  Bronze: 12


NEW!  Your Monday Michigan Moment

Brought to you by the 2014 Netroots Nation Convention in Detroit, July 17-20.  We'll start out with some enchanting basics:

The official Michigan State
Asshole is this guy here.
Michigan was the 26th state in the USA; it became a state on January 26, 1837.

Area:  96,810 square miles [Michigan is the 11th biggest state in the USA]
Population:  9,895,622 (as of 2013) [Michigan is the 9th most populous state in the USA]
Origin of the Name Michigan:  Michigan is from an Algonquian Chippewa Indian word "meicigama" that means "big sea wate" (referring to the Great Lakes).

Oh, and the government of Michigan is currently run by idiots. But you may have already heard that.


Puppy Pic of the Day:  During spring training, the Milwaukee Brewers have adopted a new assistant coach.


CHEERS to catching a big fish.  With a huge---oh, I mean HUGE---assist from the administration of one Barack H. Obama, the Mexican version of Crockett and Tubbs stormed a compound and nabbed the most-wanted drug lord south of the border.  He was so legendary that apparently dozens of songs about him were recorded and shot up to the top of the Billboard Hot 100 Drug Lord Balladeer Chart.  His nom de plume was "El Chapo."  Today?  More like "El Toastito."

CHEERS to unforced errors.  Arizona Governor Jan Brewer will decide this week whether or not to sign into law the "Turn Away The Gays" bill that the Bible Thumpers in the state House and Senate passed last week.  But either way, that state's legislature has brought the wrath of Normal America down on the state like a ton of gay people getting turned away from businesses in the name of religion.  One of those leading the backlash is longtime Arizona vacationer George Takei, whose husband is from the state.  George posted a bit of a barnburner over the weekend:

Sign in the window at Rocco's Little Chicago Pizzeria in Tucson re: the Arizona lege's passage of an anti-gay bill.
Sign at Rocco's Pizza
in Tucson, Arizona.
You say this bill protects “religious freedom,” but no one is fooled. When I was younger, people used “God’s Will” as a reason to keep the races separate, too. Make no mistake, this is the new segregation, yours is a Jim Crow law, and you are about to make yourself ground zero. …

The law is breathtaking in its scope. It gives bigotry against us gays and lesbians a powerful and unprecedented weapon. But your mean-spirited representatives and senators know this. They also know that it is going to be struck down eventually by the courts. But they passed it anyway, just to make their hateful opinion of us crystal clear.

So let me make mine just as clear. If your Governor Jan Brewer signs this repugnant bill into law, make no mistake. We will not come. We will not spend. And we will urge everyone we know–--from large corporations to small families on vacation---to boycott. Because you don’t deserve our dollars. Not one red cent.

This was a stupid and Quixotic thing the legislature did.  Not quite as stupid and Quixotic as when Republicans shut down the federal government last year, but stupid and Quixotic all the same.  Find yourselves a windmill, goopers, and start tilting.

JEERS to cheatin' cheeseheads.  The giant dump of "off the grid" emails surrounding Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's run for governor saw the light of day last week, and it would appear he was a naughty boy:

Wisconisn Governor Scott Walker gestures as he addresses the second session of the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Florida, August 28, 2012 REUTERS/Mike Segar (UNITED STATES  - Tags: POLITICS ELECTIONS)
I think that thing's
about to start smoking.
A picture is emerging that shows Walker directing county employees to do illegal things that would help his gubernatorial campaign. This scandal isn’t going away. Gov. Walker may think it is old news, but there is enough information in the emails to derail any dreams that he once had of winning the Republican nomination in 2016. Walker’s national ambitions are fading fast, but he may have even bigger problems.
Yesterday on Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday, Walker was gently grilled by Chris Wallace, who graciously allowed him to run out the clock during his game of rhetorical dodgeball.  Perhaps federal investigators should take a peek.  They don’t tolerate spin and they don’t need to break for commercials.

CHEERS to Olympic fever.  Now that Sochi is done, I got the hots for PyeongChang, South Korea 2018 woooooh baby!!!  Check it out:

2018 Winter Olympics in PyeongChang logo
Our winter athletes have four full years to hone their skills and prepare for Olympic glory.  But more than that, I have four full years to learn how to say PyeongChang.

Old rusting car in a ditch
I think this one came in 3rd.
ZOOM ZOOM to girls and boys in their internal-combustion toys. Speaking of the fine art of sport, after an hours-long rain delay, the Daytona 500 happened yesterday.  The event featured professionals (including winner Dale Earnhardt, Jr.) expending a lot of fuel to go 'round and 'round in circles but not actually get anywhere, while occasionally bumping into walls, catching fire and watching their wheels fly off, and if innocent bystanders get scraped up, well, that's rugged individualism, so no refunds. They shoulda called it the GOP 2014.

The character Arnold Toht from
Bob, my dentist.
JEERS to getting picked over.  Today I get to partake in my biannual torture ritual. In a little less than two hours, I'll be taken on a terror ride in a dilapidated cab to my dentist's office.  As I watch Fox News on the monitor above me, the hygienist will take a sharp metal grappling hook to my gums and follow that with a miniature sandblaster that will make the same screeching sound as nails on a chalkboard.  As a result of this abuse, my gums will bleed. The hygienist will take pictures of my bleeding gums and display them on the IMAX screen that I'll have to contort my body like a pretzel to see behind me.  Then the actual dentist will pop in, tell me that he's concerned my gums are bleeding, and "strongly" recommend a $150 propane-powered toothbrush, a $400 nightguard, a $500 cap, a $1,200 crown, and whatever else he needs to tack onto the bill so he can buy a new Mercedes or, as the case may be, a Brazillian vacation.  I'll walk away with some free dental floss along with a lingering taste of latex gloves in my mouth, and spend the rest of the day trying to uncurl my toes.  Tonight for dinner: bag of Oreos.


Five years ago in C&J: February 24, 2009

JEERS to the shocker of the day.  Before I tell you what it is, I'm going to have to immobilize you in the C&J Chair of Woe so you can't hurt yourself:

[Latch] [Buckle] [Tie] [Snap] [Clip] [Twist] [Lock Lock Lock Lock] [Zzzzzip! ]
Okay.  Now try not to freak out: Karl Rove blew off another subpoena.  "Nurse! Smelling salts, stat!  And because it's after 8am, add a couple daiquiris!"


And just one more…

CHEERS to America's annual taking-of-an-important-pulse.  Even more consequential than Groundhog Day, in my opinion, is the annual occasion known as Is Abe Vigoda Still Alive Day.  So let's check the toteboard:

Actor Abe Vigoda
Vigoda rocks.
Abe Vigoda is…


Yes, indeed, the Barney Miller and Godfather star (and long-time New York Friar's Club member) turns 93 today.  Many blessings on your camels, Fish.  And forgive our snark, Tessio... It's nothing personal.  Just business.

Have a tolerable Monday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

Maher’s New Rule: Hearing Stories That Confirm Your Beliefs Isn’t News, "It’s Cheers and Jeers!"


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