From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Oh! More Things I Know:
It's been a week since the day by which Senator Bob Corker promised---with "1000 percent" accuracy, according to him---that a new product line at the Chattanooga VW plant would be announced if workers voted against unionizing. He lied.And some advice from David Waldman of the Kagro in the Morning show on Daily Kos Radio for conservative crybabies who never seem to make good on their threats to take their ball and go home:
Ted Cruz still refuses to renounce Canadian bacon. (And I hear he's still pallin' around with Calgary.)
One day in the not-too-distant future, Sarah Palin will issue no comment when she learns that Vladimir Putin got eaten by a bear while drilling for oil in mom jeans.I know spring is getting close because the temperature has risen all the way up to ten degrees below normal.The Dalai Lama gives the opening prayer in the
Senate this morning, but not before Republicans
first try to launch a filibuster out of habit.
The Republican tax simplification plan is a thousand pages long. If they laid them all end-to-end, it would distract them long enough so that Democrats could actually get some stuff done around here.
The Maine lobster industry hauled in 126 million pounds last year. That sounds impressive until you realize they only caught three lobsters.
The only thing in the upcoming Russell Crowe Noah movie that's historically accurate is the pre-flood Bollywood number.
President Obama has been in office for 5 years and 1 month. The tea party crowd has "cared" about deficits for 5 years and 1 month.
Russia was prepared to invade the U.S. instead of Ukraine. Then they heard about our crazy "Stand Your Ground" laws and figured it'd be less of a hassle if they just wait a bit until we wipe ourselves out.
I'm thinking of doing a C&J giveaway with the $450 million in bitcoin an anonymous donor transferred to my computer last week. Probably a "Guess the song I'm playing backwards" contest. Prepare to be stumped!
"If you want to Go Galt, you can't leave out the 'Go' part."Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, March 6, 2014
Note: As of today, there are only 300 days left in the year. Please plan your 2015 New Years resolutions accordingly.-
Weeks 'til spring: 2
Days 'til the Maine Boatbuilders Show in Portland: 8
Percent of Americans who believe the Democratic party and the Republican party, respectively, are in touch with the concerns of most Americans: 48%, 28%
(Source: Washington Post-ABC News poll)
Percent of U.S. Hispanics, African-Americans and whites, respectively, who use social media: 80%, 75%, 70%
Length of time that CNN Latino lasted before shutting down: 1 year
(Source: USA Today)
Estimated number of private-sector jobs created in February: 139,000
Percent increase in U.S. home prices from Jan. 2013 to Jan. 2014: 12%
(Source: The Portland Press Herald)
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
-How much fun can one administration have? More dead GIs. New record trade deficit. Stock market plunges. Ally in Spain goes down to defeat. The new Spanish prime minister says the occupation in Iraq is a "continuing disaster" and he's pulling his troops out. Still no jobs. And then they guy who was supposed to be the new jobs czar turns out to have laid off 75 of his own workers and then built a $3 million factory in China to employ 165 Chinese people. Whoever has the aspirin concession at the White House must be making a fortune.
Puppy Pic of the Day: Cooper? Looks more like a Hoover to me…
CHEERS to the 2014 Foam at the Mouth Olympic Games. The movers and grifters in the conservative movement---aka the entire Republican party---gather today to out-crazy each other in hopes of getting jibber-jabbered about by the beltway media and the blogosphere as the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) opens. All the names you know and mock (Palin, Trump, DeMint, Santorum…even Christie!) will be there, and here's a taste of what to expect via some greatest hits from years past…
to wash behind your ears, kiddos.)
“[Rick] Santorum made a speech and said, ‘If we follow the path of President Obama and his overt hostility to faith in America, then we are heading down the road to the guillotine.' The guillotine? Really??? This is why he’s ahead. In one sentence, he hit on all the things they love at the Republican convention: logical fallacies, Obama paranoia, and fuck the French.”As usual, the flag-wrapped freedom patriots are following their own advice to embrace "the family values American heartland" (aka "The Real America") by holding their convention in the hookers, greed and corruption asscrack known as Washington, D.C. Hey, they don't call their followers gullible for nothin'.
CPAC stands for Conservative Politicians Attempting Comedy right?
---Josh Groban (yes, that Josh Groban) on twitter
Sarah Palin Reads Joke About Obama’s Teleprompter From Teleprompter
“The organizers here at CPAC tell me you’ve had the opportunity to sign up to hear up to 70 political speeches over three days. You know, if I were offered a choice to hear 70 political speeches or undergo waterboarding, well, I might have to think about that.”
"If we don’t run Chris Christie, Romney will be the nominee and we’ll lose."
CHEERS to documenting the atrocities. One person you won't hear a peep from (or about) at CPAC was the Republican President of the United States for two terms: George W. Bush. And one of the many reasons why he'll be (forever) persona non grata is the Iraq War. So it's a bit schadenfreudalistic to know that Rachel Maddow and a team of researchers have put together a documentary debuting tonight on MSNBC called Why We Did It:
for us all at the end of the show.
Over the last eight months, we have been digging and interviewing and slowly putting together the pieces of the puzzle to discover what lurked beneath the public case for war. We needed to find out once and for all what was behind the Administration’s laser focus on Iraq, almost from its first day in office. The answer we found and offer up to viewers is both fascinating---and detailed.I hear it was filmed in Sweetsandflowersvision.
JEERS to an unsatisfactory conclusion, Part I. On March 6, 1836, the Alamo fell to Mexican forces (who, we note, attacked despite having no stinkin' badges) after a 13-day siege. Strange but true: singer Phil Collins fought at the Alamo and now owns more Alamo artifacts than anyone else. And what happened to Mexican General Santa Anna? His army was trounced a mere month later by a very pissed-off Sam Houston. Now that's what you call fast and furious.
JEERS to an unsatisfactory conclusion, Part II. On March 6, 1857, the Supreme Court ruled in the Dred Scott case. Their brilliant conclusion: slaves aren’t citizens, according to their strict interpretation of the Constitution:
in St. Louis, MO.
[I]n the opinion of the justices, black people were not considered citizens when the Constitution was drafted in 1787. According to [Chief Justice Roger] Taney, Dred Scott was the property of his owner, and property could not be taken from a person without due process of law. In fact, there were free black citizens of the United States in 1787, but Taney and the other justices were attempting to halt further debate on the issue of slavery in the territories.Chief Justice Taney---with political pressure from none other than President Buchanan---thought the decision would settle the issue of slavery. I think enough time has passed that I can say with reasonable confidence: what a dope.
The decision inflamed regional tensions, which burned for another four years before exploding into the Civil War.
CHEERS to strange bedfellows. Facebook is planning to merge with the drone business, and is currently contemplating the purchase of Titan Aerospace. Once the ink is dry on the contract, Facebook will then unveil its new slogan: "Friend me. (Or else.)"
Five years ago in C&J: March 6, 2009
CHEERS to drawing a line in a heavens. The Shuttle Discovery astronauts undocked from the International Space Station this morning, but not before its crew got an earful from the President. Anyone who appreciates a leader with steely-eyed resolve will be glad to hear that Barack Obama demanded that R2, the first humanoid robot in space, be unpacked ASAP:
“He’s still in packing foam?” Obama said feigning disappointment. “That’s a shame, man. Come on guys, unpack the guy! He flew all that way and you guys aren’t unpacking him?”It was all good-natured ribbing, of course. Especially after an aide reminded him that Discovery is the shuttle that's got the laser cannons.
And just one more…
CHEERS to putting the joy in joystick. How many times have you asked yourself, "Gee I sure wish I could watch a bitchy old drag queen---like, say, self-described "drag queen/two spirit/gay activist/entertainer" Miss Coco Peru---play Grand Theft Auto 5. You've all been so good so far this week that, well, how could I refuse? But be warned: this has some doody words and is not safe for the office, church, maternity wards, funeral homes, libraries or briefings in the White House Situation Room (sorry, Biden). Don your six-inch heels and buckle up---it's gonna be a bumpy ride:
Have a grand Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:-
"Senate Republicans are addicted to Cheers and Jeers."
---Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV)