Ryan just concluded his prepared remarks in the "Future of the American Family" breakout at CPAC. Here is a transcript.
It is my pleasure to address you today about one of my favorite subjects: the American Family.
If you'll indulge me, I'd like to begin by sharing a story.
Growing up, I was friends with a boy named Max. Max lived down the block from me, and we used to play stickball. He had a very vivid imagination, but he also had a mischievous side.
One night, Max talked back to his mother, and she sent him to bed without any supper. Soon, Max realized that his belly was empty, but his spirit was full. His spirit was full of the kind of initiative and gumption and uniquely American get-up-and-go that makes our nation great, and so instead of going to bed, he built a boat with his bare hands.
He sailed that boat away from home that night. I can remember all the kids in the neighborhood going, "The fuck did Max go?"
Well, as we would later learn, he sailed that boat to Afghanistan, where he wandered into a village. The villagers were large, hairy beasts with nasty, pointed teeth, and he was certain they would eat him, so he liberated them from the Taliban. Instead of eating Max, they made him their king, and slew him some goats, and had a nice rumpus.
But Max was sad. It didn't feel right to him being king. Sure, he could grant no-bid contracts for infrastructure repair projects, but Max missed home. He missed his family, especially his dad Glenn, who had black lung. Tugged Americaward, Max climbed back in his boat and he sailed it back to the United States, where he reunited with his family and grew up to start a little company called Google.
We as Americans do not always agree. But I think we can all agree that had Max not been denied food, he would not have embarked on his great journey, and we would not even have the ability to search the internet for verification of his story. Let's all pause to reflect on the wisdom of Max's late mother, who-... hey, there's lunch.