I recently got email from K2's church school teacher letting me know the class would be hearing the story of Ruby Bridges. He "thought K2 would be fine with it, but wanted to let us know."
Follow me below the orange croissant of cultural privilege of after a word from our sponsor...
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For any of you who may be new around here, while my own ethnic heritage is a melanin-challenged European melange, K2 was born in Ethiopia. No one else in his church school is a person of color, and the email was specific to us, not a Bcc mass-email to everyone. So after class that day, I pulled the teacher (a family friend, fwiw) aside and asked whether, had the story been that of Sadako Sasasi, would the families of all the kids of Japanese descent have been emailed? Would Native American families get notified if the lesson included the Trail of Tears, and if the Holocaust was discussed would the Jewish kids (did I mention we're Unitarian Universalist and actually DO have a sizeable number of multidenominational families?) get a "heads up"?
My friend thought awhile before admitting that, no, none of those other scenarios would have triggered him to say anything in advance. He said he thought a long time before deciding to err "on the side of caution" and email. I replied that instead of making us feel better for the check-in, he left us feeling excluded. Different. It was a graphic demonstration of the issue of Privilege we'd been exploring for several weeks after church through an activity I'll describe below. By virtue of being the dominant racial group, and without any conscious thought of being in that group, he decided who might be upset by an activity and singled out that person for special treatment. I suggested both to him and the Director of Faith Development (who was horrified and will address it in teacher trainings) that, email to ALL families with upcoming class topics would have been far more appropriate than singling anyone out.
PRIVILEGE. Merriam-Webster defines it as "a right or benefit that is given to some people and not to others." It's something that I - a white bi woman in an opposite-gendered marriage and transracial family - think about fairly often. While I don't get the privileges that come with being male, I certainly get the white ones, and I "pass" for straight undetectably unless I explicitly raise the issue.
Everyone, no matter who they are, is a member both of privileged groups, and those affected by such privilege. I have a friend who seems to have it all as a straight white male. However, he works in an office where virtually everyone else is of another ethnicity, and notices how they speak in their common language during the workday, not just at lunch or breaks. Is he missing moments when work is being discussed and connections/projects/etc are being delegated? Who knows, but it certainly feels a bit like when the old boy network heads out after work while the women head home, y'know?
I've been lucky to have so many good diarists here educate me as to what exactly {insert group} privilege looks like. Not everyone is so lucky, however, and so our congregation spent several weeks doing an exercise based on work by Peggy McIntosh. (Note: I am not linking to any of the gazillion google links; according to the Wellesley Centers for Women where Dr. McIntosh is Associate Director, all electronic copies they are aware of are pirated and I'd like NOT to run afoul of dkos site policy :-))
The exercise went as follows: several dozen posters were made and hung through out the large hall we use after services for coffee hour. On each one was a statement. People were asked to leave a checkmark if they'd never thought of that statement as a privilege. Here are roughly half of the statements (I was taking pictures so I would remember and my battery died, sigh):
If my day, week, or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has racial overtones.
I can be loud with no fear of being called over-emotional or bossy.
One or more generations of my family have gone to college.
I have never been bullied, made fun of or beaten up by my peers.
I have glasses that correct my vision. My teeth are in good shape.
If a traffic cop pulls me over or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven’t been singled out because of my race.
I have traveled on an airplane or stayed in a hotel on family vacations.
I can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me.
I receive(d) a quality education.
I can talk freely about my sexual orientation or gender identity to colleagues at work and with friends and community members.
I can easily buy posters, postcards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys, and children’s magazine featuring people of my race.
I have never worked a menial job, such as a maid, janitor, gardener, garbage collector, factory worker, fast food server, moving crew, etc.
I feel comfortable holding my partner's hand in public.
I was stunned to see every statement had at least one checkmark. In other words, even in a community whose members work actively to be more open, welcoming, accepting and understanding of everyone around us, where we try to tackle the -isms and bigotry and ignorance, where our First Principle is "We affirm and promote the inherent worth and dignity of every person" and our Second is "Justice, equity and compassion in human relations" ... even there, we have so much to learn.
I hadn't considered my familiarity with hotels and airplanes to be a privilege; K1 tells me when her Music Department went to Disney during February Vacation Week, she had classmates who'd never flown before. A comment left on the 'menial jobs' poster said simply "When I worked at one in high school, my coworkers all assumed I'd be back after college. They never thought about other jobs."
Dr. McIntosh wrote in "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Backpack" (1988): White privilege is like an invisible weightless backpack of special provisions, maps, passports, codebooks, visas, clothes, tools and blank checks. I would extend that to ALL forms of privilege, be it racial, gender, sexual, economic, etc.
I saw a lot of blind spots in my awareness, things in my backpack I'd never noticed before but now know other people don't have in theirs. It doesn't make me a bigot, a racist, or anything else, though. It makes me human and taking for granted some things as universal when really, they aren't. I hope when I err, like my friend did in sending that email, that people help me to see where I can do better and create a fairer, more just world for everyone.
Thoughts? Stories from your own life? Please share in the comments!
I am privileged to have a friend like BeninSC, who offered to format things for me tonight. Mr. Brillig's been sick for two days and Ben's gracious offer put a smile on my face desperately needed.
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From Steveningen:
In my diary Did Obama disappear Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370? Of course he did!, Thinking Fella takes a conspiracy theory to heights wingnuts everywhere would envy.
Further, in the same thread, flagged by julesrules39, liberaldregs riffs on an old 'Jaws' line!
From BeninSC:
Flagged by jan4insight, this comment from grover describes an ... experience qualification most of us technically HAVE, but never thought of claiming! Awesome!
Flagged by CindyV, this comment by Mr Bojangles is, sadly, out of recommendability, but is worth reading for its accurate litmus test on empathy, as called for by Cruzankenny, above.
From Yours Truly:
In Tolerant Libertarian's If Our Founding Fathers Were All Christians, Why Did They Say This?, Seattle Mark wishes religious conservatives read quotes of their forefathers. jayden explains they have.
From Meteor Blades' Midday Open Thread comes grover's waxing poetic of earlier days Yes, jan4insight flagged it but it really is double-nom-worthy :).
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