Last night, Jon Stewart examined the Hobby Lobby case before the Supreme Court on the birth control mandate in Obamacare with Jordan Klepper.
PETE WILLIAMS (3/25/2014): The government has to take Hobby Lobby's religious views as they come. So off the table is any question about the accuracy of how Hobby Lobby and another company, Conestoga, would view these contraceptives as agents of causing abortion.
(shocked audience silence)
So let me get this straight. Corporations aren't just people, they're ill-informed people. Whose factually incorrect beliefs must be upheld because they sincerely believe them anyway. I guess it's why at Hobby Lobby, they feed their 16,000 employees with but five loaves and two fish. What? The employees are still hungry? They believe you aren't.
Video and transcript below the fold.
As you know, America's recently implemented a brand new health care law designed by our President to kill old people and allow Russia to invade Crimea. But some Americans are willing to fight this law all the way to the Supreme Court. And while they don't cite communism and elder-cide as the reason for their objection, I think we can read between the lines.
JAN CRAWFORD, CBS (3/25/2014): The new health care law requires companies to offer insurance that includes free birth control. Religious employers across the country started filing lawsuits, they said that violates our religious beliefs. The Court agreed to decide that issue in a case involving Hobby Lobby — it's a nation-wide chain of craft supply stores.
This is a Supreme Court case! It is Hobby Lobby v. Sebelius, the silliest sounding Supreme Court plantiff since 1950's Brown v. Board of Titty Farts.
(audience laughter)
It's a real case. Tell me more about this lobby of hobbies.
AL-JAZEERA (3/25/2014): Hobby Lobby is a family-run business, its owners say is based on Biblical principles founded 38 years ago by David and Barbara Green.
That's ah, based on Biblical principles. I'm a little rusty on the New Testament, but where in the Bible does it mention craft stores? I'm familiar with Jesus, this Jesus.
Not so much with this Jesus.
What is the larger principle at play here?
AL-JAZEERA (3/25/2014): They're asking the Court to find that their for-profit company has the same religious freedom as a church or individual.
Sure! Why wouldn't they? Of course Hobby Lobby wants that! They are a pious corporation. It would never be a case emanating from that other craft store, Michaels. I mean, for God's sake, that place is a godless fuck palace with yarn! (audience laughter)
(turns to different camera)
That joke brought to you by Michaels. Michaels, "it's a godless fuck palace with yarn."
(audience laughter)
I see some of the audience has obviously been there.
So what sayeth the liberal justice to this argument?
MARCIA COYLE (3/25/2014): Justice Sotomayor said, what about religious adherents who don't believe in transfusions, blood transfusions, vaccinations? And Mr. Clement responded, well, it does depend on the burden that's being placed. ... It's possible the government would have a compelling interest in imposing that burden. But there's no compelling interest here in this particular case.
Well sure, there's no compelling interest to Hobby Lobby's lawyer Paul Clement, he's got a penis! Babies rarely grow inside of those. Except for that one terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.
Look Who's in My Penis. I remember that. "It's not a tumor! Get into my penis if you want to live!"
All right, what sayeth the man who will actually decide this case, swing justice Kennedy?
ABC NEWS (3/25/2014): Justice Kennedy focused on employers' rights, saying if a business can be forced to pay for all types of contraception, they can "be forced in principle to pay for abortions".
Well, right, in principle. In fact, it would be the opposite of yes for that, which I believe is no, because contraception is not the same thing as abortion. That's a scientific fact.
PETE WILLIAMS (3/25/2014): The government has to take Hobby Lobby's religious views as they come. So off the table is any question about the accuracy of how Hobby Lobby and another company, Conestoga, would view these contraceptives as agents of causing abortion.
(shocked audience silence)
So let me get this straight. Corporations aren't just people, they're ill-informed people. Whose factually incorrect beliefs must be upheld because they sincerely believe them anyway. I guess it's why at Hobby Lobby, they feed their 16,000 employees with but five loaves and two fish. What? The employees are still hungry? They believe you aren't.
Sam Bee then did a
performance art piece about the
Morning Joe family.
On Tuesday night, Jon explained the situation with Russia with Jessica Williams.
Jon then had an update on his successful #mcconnelling hashtag, and added some more ideas.
Meanwhile, on Tuesday night, Stephen had on Jimmy Carter, so after profiling him, Carter got two segments on the show.
Last night, after briefly mentioning the story about the drunk Secret Service agents in Amsterdam, Stephen had another Sport Report segment.
He then looked at one of the new crop of GOP candidates running for Senate, Iowa's Jodi Ernst.
Sadly, Colbert's people seem to take ganja breaks after work instead of uploading their videos properly, so, yeah, no links yet, because they don't exist. :-( OK, the videos are finally up now. However, it appears there's a bug on Colbert's website that doesn't allow embedding their videos anywhere else. I've left the embeds up so that hopefully once someone at Comedy Central fixes them, these will then load fine in the future.
Jon talked with actor Jude Law last night, and talked with Amy Yates Wuelfing and Gibby Haynes on Tuesday. Stephen had on director Errol Morris.