You won’t find standing up to bullies in the common core curriculum, but being bullied is a common experience for many kids. Sierra, a 10th grader writing for the Humanity Project for Kids, explains it this way:
“We may think we’re on top of the world, but truth be told, we’ve all been bullied one way or another. It could be that sly comment that comes off as a joke, but has a hidden, hateful meaning. Or it could be straight-on verbal abuse like getting picked on by the kid who is secretly super insecure about themselves so they take it out on other people. Anyway you get it, bullying hurts. It makes you think about yourself in a negative way, like there’s something wrong with you. It makes you believe you have to change to make other people happy, and not yourself.”
Stopping it is more art than science, though; according to a 2013 study by Jeong and Lee, kids at schools with bullying prevention programs are more likely to be victimized by their peers than at schools with no such programs.
Whether this is because such programs are generally put in place at schools with problems, or because many anti-bullying programs are ineffective or implemented ineffectively, isn’t clear. While some programs claim research-certified success, such as the OBPP program promoted by Dan Olweus, at least one analysis of the results indicates that there could be more spin than substance in the claims of effectiveness.
Yet, it is clear in my own experience that some schools have much less bullying and a more inclusive climate than others. My own children attended two different middle schools, a large public middle school with a severe bullying problem among girls; and a small charter school with a strong focus on community where all three of my children who attended reported near zero bullying. The charter school has a number of intentional programs to create a positive climate, including small group ‘advisories’, frequent field trips, a small size where each student is known by every staff person, and team building activities which are often mocked by the students but nonetheless appear to have a positive impact on the atmosphere of the school. So from my own experience, it is clearly possible to have different climates that allow or prevent bullying, but it takes a great deal of intentional effort and caring on the part of the staff.
Perhaps ‘caring’ is the key word, one that explains why its difficult to study anti-bullying programs at a large scale. While its possible to follow a specified procedure and cook a hamburger consistently, or even build a working space shuttle, going through the motions is not going to convince a skeptical adolescent to care about their peers. It’s possible to measure how many adults are standing in the playground with clipboards, but how do you measure whether those adults genuinely care about the kids they are watching?
Bob Knotts, founder of the Humanity Project, isn’t just looking to stop bullying by applying a collection of techniques or recipes. His approach is driven by a core philosophy, based on an idea from philosopher William James that “the biggest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
“What I think that boils down to is that each of us is out there trying to get the world to tell us how wonderful we are so we can believe it ourselves, so instead of learning to trust our own instincts...we're all competing for the same little piece of ground. So you have everybody competing for the same thing, rather than relaxing, recognizing our own value, and doing what we can to help others realize theirs.”
“So I created this philosophy really called Shared Value that's on the website, and essentially what we're saying is that when an individual begins to focus on the way others see themselves, that automatically helps you recognize your own value. And because its such a central thing in human beings - self-concept is the atom of human life - if that's true, then programs that are aiming to motivate individuals one way or another need to address that at their core.”
In practice, Knotts looks for ways to get kids to work together towards a specific goal, like stopping distracted driving or stopping bullying, through a creative medium they can work with. Sometimes that means signs, or songs, or a larger project like The Humanity Project for Kids website http://www.thp4kids.com . This site was entirely built and revised by high school students over the course of three years. Madeline Rosario, an eleven year veteran teacher of Business Technology, guided the students in using various technologies to create the site and patiently shepherded it through several iterations. “The first two years Bob was here all the time, interacting with them, having the journalism kids write up a lot of the content, voices animation...this year he’s pretty much left us on our own. They (the students) all in some form or another have had experience with bullying personally. Some have their own stories in there.”
Writing down their stories was hard for the students. “It was very emotional for them - they couldn’t to it at school, had to do it at home - but it helped them to deal with it one more time, they were feeling good about what they wrote. It would be nice if a lot more kids were able to view it, have more comments on there and add stories. Something like that, a lot of kids don’t talk about, they are afraid to tell people. They are embarrassed or too shy, just not secure about themselves. On the website, they are anonymous.”
The website itself has been a positive project for the students who did it, and is used as a resource in anti-bullying programs in the schools. The latest iteration takes it one step further, adding a nationwide hotline for youth to reach out. The hotline has its own site as well, http://121help.me
“So hopefully that will give them someplace to reach out, so they don’t have to be face to face but they can be on a phone or live chat. Sometimes they don’t know how to deal with it [bullying] - they don’t have the experience and coping skills yet, they would be able to reach out and get help from a professional.”
Do the programs help? Its clear they are meaningful to at least some kids involved with them, who then are doing things to help others. So instead of a ‘measure and copy’ approach, its more of a ‘start it and grow’. Things that are meaningful and genuine naturally attract contributors and support. Perhaps instead of waiting for research driven results on large scale projects, we can provide seed money and support to many promising projects in their infancy, and allow them to grow organically because people find them meaningful. Then educators and people who work with kids can work based on core values and immediate feedback from students, and trust that if they are doing something real that people recognize, there will be ways for it to grow and expand.
Growth can happen in unexpected ways, both of programs and people. Another 10th grader writes about a period of intense bullying resulting from being elected student body president in the 8th grade:
“Now I knew that running for president would mean the spotlight. But I never thought it would get as bad as it did. The ridicule, slander, and verbal abuse I received were traumatizing and eventually got out of control. Going to school each day was, in every sense of the phrase, a living nightmare….Although it was one of the most difficult years of my life, I do not regret the experience. Not only did it make me emotionally stronger, but it also made me the person I am today. As crazy as it sounds, I am glad it happened because it opened my eyes and made me realize how much strength I really have. If I could give a piece of advice to anyone that is or has been a victim to any form of bullying, it would be to not lose hope. I’ve come to realize that every difficult situation that life throws at us is a humble opportunity to grow. ‘Adversity is face of life. It can’t be controlled. What we can control is how we react to it.’ (Poet, Unknown)”
Even if the adversity is not our own, how do we react to it in the world? Thanks, Bob, for reacting to it with The Humanity Project and letting me read about these kids stories. And thanks to all of you who shared your stories and opened up to anonymous readers out there. This reader appreciates it.