From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Inside the Giant Orange Thinking Brain
With the exception of that one kid in science class whose time travel experiment went terribly wrong, the first quarter of 2014 is behind us. And that means it's C&J number-crunching time. Every few months we revisit the results of some past C&J polls (no relation to polls commissioned by Kos) to give you a retro-snapshot of just what the hell "you people" were thinking back in the days from January through March. The total number of votes each poll received is in parentheses so you'll know it's not just me and the cat voting, but me and thousands of cats:
• When people ask what your political leaning is, 25 percent of you say Democrat, 29 percent say progressive, and 30 percent say liberal. (6,238)And this one is so good it deserves its own callout:
• President Obama's overall grade after five years in office: A--24%, B--52%, C--14%, D--2%, F--2%. (8,568)
• 96 percent of you believe Governor Chris Christie knew about the George Washington Bridge lane closure scheme before it happened. (5,649)• 90 percent believe there will not be significant regulatory reforms in response to the chemical spill in West Virginia. (5,002)All C&J poll questions are created by
our independent statistician, for
which we shell out many bananas.
• 73 percent believe that same-sex couples will have marriage rights in all 50 states within five years. (4,194)
• The top three issues the Republican party is blowing off that will cause them to pay the biggest price this November: increasing the minimum wage (37%), immigration reform (24%), and reinstatement of long-term unemployment benefits (17%). (3,621)
• 95 percent oppose the merger of Comcast Cable and Time Warner Cable. (5,214)
• 25 percent rate John Kerry's first year as Secretary of State "excellent." 49 percent rated him "good," 13 percent "fair" and 5 percent "terrible." (4,411)
• 51 percent of you want to abolish Daylight Saving Time, while 34 percent don't. (5,222)
• Four percent (i.e. the right-wing trolls who visited that day) think Rep. Michele Bachmann is correct when she asserts that God will repeal the Affordable Care Act because Republicans are "His people." Everyone else begs to differ. (4,246)As always, we bow to your superior wisdom. But not too low, because we hear that's tyranny.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Note: Hey, I just came up with my first REALLY GREAT IDEA!!!! (Ha Ha! That's an April Fools joke. Got ya!)-
Days 'til the Pulitzer Prizes are handed out: 13
Days 'til the 61st annual Pear Blossom Festival in Medford, Oregon: 10
Growth in the UAW last year: 9,000 members
Current UAW membership, up from its low of 355,191 in 2009: 391,415
(Source: Labor Dept. via AP)
Percent of U.S. greenhouse gas emissions consisting of methane: 9-13%
Percent of likely 2016 U.S. voters who say they like gays/lesbians and evangelical Christians, respectively: 53%, 42%
(Source: TargetPoint and Greenberg Quinlan Rosner Research survey)
Current box office haul of Disney's Frozen, now the #1 animated movie
of all time: $1.072 billion
Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
Could it be any more weak and ridiculous to define oneself by sexual preferences and practices? If Hets had parades loudly proclaiming, on silken banners, "Doggy Style Enthusiast Nipple Twisters Demand Equal Rights"All together now: 1…2…3… Classy!
"Tacos and Sausages Are What's For Dessert ",
how would that make the acting out howlers feel about their own strident, deranged silliness...huh?
---Commenter "Oingo" trolling at the Human Rights Campaign website (responding to video of Joe Biden's recent pro-LGBT speech.)
Puppy Pic of the Day: Cute little nipper. (And so's the kid.)
Those who call it the cruelest month have never spent a March in Maine. Besides, baseball season is here (Go Sox of the reddish variety), the Masters golf tournament starts next week, the flowers are starting to go "Poink!", plus there's Easter, Earth Day, Patriots Day (that's when Tom Brady dresses up as George Washington and throws a touchdown on Lexington Green), Arbor Day, National 8-Track Tape Day, Administrative Professionals Day, a lunar eclipse on the 15th and a solar eclipse on the 29th, which is also Shrimp Scampi Day. Then again, taxes are due in a couple weeks. Okay, fine: cruel it is.
"This health care issue Is D-Day for freedom in America. If we’re able to stop Obama on this it will be his Waterloo. It will break him."Silly goose. Looks like someone forgot that our president's full name is Barack Hussein Eisenhower Wellington Obama.
CHEERS to---squeaky squeaky!---that clean plate sound. On this date in 1889, the first dishwashing machine was marketed in Chicago. We have one in our house---a rescue mutt named Haley. Upside: she saves us a bundle on electricity. Downside: poops way more than a Kenmore.
CHEERS to dancing in the Isles. Big doings in over in England and Wales. Louisa Peacock at the Telegraph documents the chaos of the last few days:
Well folks, we had the warmest weekend of the year so far and---AND---the first gay weddings in Britain took place.We're sending all the happy couplers the traditional British wedding-day gift: a Benny Hill tea cozy.
We didn't have any floods ... Ukip, I'm looking at you. Ukip councillor David Silvester recently suggested that the Government's decision to legalise gay marriage had led to the disastrous recent storms and heavy floods across the UK. Well---shock! Horror! WE ALL SURVIVED.
What with the glorious sunshine and all, I think it's pretty safe to assume that God, in fact, gave his blessing to gay marriage (ducks for cover).
CHEERS to April Fools Day. The one day we have permission to put our scruples aside, make up wild stories and endlessly bamboozle people. Or as they call it in Washington, D.C.: Tuesday.
Five years ago in C&J: April 1, 2009
CHEERS to defeating the redcoats over there so we don’t have to defeat them...um...from not quite so far a distance over there as we otherwise might have to. In a smashing victory in oil-rich southern Iraq, Britain yesterday officially turned over command of their garrison to the United States. Barack Obama, on his first overseas trip as president, accepted the terms of surrender as tendered by Queen Elizabeth II (the fist bump was a nice touch). And to show we're not total barbarians, General Cornwallis was allowed to keep his sword.
And just one more…
Kent Brockman once worked
the beat together in Springfield.
Have a nice Tuesday. Ha Ha! That was another April Fool's Day joke because what I really mean is have a pleasant Tuesday. You TOTALLY fell for it! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:-
Bill in Portland Maine is terrifying in this Dawn Of Cheers and Jeers TV spot