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50 Years Later…

[Note: This is a rush transcript.]

David Gregory, Jr.: Here we are, fifty years later. It's 2064 and you're 99 now. What was it like back then, being part of that first tumultuous year of the full implementation of Obamacare?

Bill in Portland Maine: Oh, it was a time. Heavens, that was before we had implanted iBrains and had to type things out on a keypad, you know. But, uh……I remember the Republicans hated it. Called it "socialism" back then, you see. Socialism, Marxism…said the president was gonna throw Grandma off the cliff. The old tea party even said they wanted to bury the whole program with one of the Kennedy boys who'd just passed on. We thought it was terrible what they were saying back then. The House was repealing it two, three times a week. Oh, they hated it. They said it was gonna be Obama's Waterloo. Said it would break him.

And then the web site broke down and they had to fix that, which they did. And we all signed up and got our insurance cards. I remember I got mine in the mail on March 31 and that happened to be the last day folks could sign up for the first year. I suppose I got a little emotional over that. It was a big deal---a big effin' deal the vice president called it---and we all knew it.

So it went into effect---Obamacare, which no one could decide if it was a good name or a bad name to call it, some folks insisted we call it the Affordable Care Act, but I called it Obamacare and still do---and it just became part of life. People started using it, and they liked it well enough. They certainly brought the price down from what the vultures used to charge. It needed some fixing here and there, but you'd have to be a fool to try and take it away today. I don’t think the American people would stand for that. It works and it works good, especially since we moved up to single-payer. I think Obama and the Democrats were gutsy to take that on. By the way, you people still bookin' McCain every week on this damn show?

David Gregory, Jr. And we're out of time so we'll have to leave it there. Coming up: um...Senator John McCain's head speaks from his biomedical preservation pod on the need to fire missiles into Iran. Back in a minute.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Note: … then the hamster looks at the judge and says, "Then how come you're the one with your peepee stuck in the tequila bottle?!!"  Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!  Hang on, I gotta do this: Attention shoppers, cheese doodles are now on sale for 99 cents.  Thank you and have a nice day.  [Click]

Coachella California logo 2014
9 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til summer: 80
Days 'til the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival in California: 9
Number of Americans killed in combat last month: 0
(Source: iCasualties via Think Progress)
Number of the 74 Chinese cities tested that met the minimum standard for air quality by the country's Ministry of Environmental Protection: 3
(Source: NY Times)
Average amount wealthy Russians have been moving out of
the country every year since 2011: $60 billion
Percent by which the ruble has fallen against the dollar since 2011: 22%
(Source: Morgan Stanley)
Odds of being killed by falling out of bed: 1-in-2,000,000
(Source: The internet, which I'm fond of reading)


Mid-week Rapture Index: 185 (including 3 Date Settings and several Diamond-polishing Jews).  Soul Protection Factor 16 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.


Puppy Pic of the Day: Fresh Haley, via Common Sense Mainer. This is her "Why I can haz no sammich" look. Shameless. But effective:

Haley, dog belonging to Common Sense Mainer and Bill in Portland Maine

CHEERS to today's magic number.  Mark it down in the history books, America: when the data got crunched on Obamacare sign-ups, you got an A+.  Here's the Obamacare guy with the good news:

Graphic: Obamacare passes 7 million signups  April 1, 2014
Stand back: Michele Bachmann's gonna blow!
"Last night, the first open-enrollment period under this law came to an end.  And despite several lost weeks out of the gate because of problems with the website, 7.1 million Americans have now signed up for private insurance plans through these marketplaces…

In the end, history is not kind to those who would deny Americans their basic economic security.  Nobody remembers well those who stand in the way of America’s progress or our people.  And that’s what the Affordable Care Act represents.  As messy as it’s been sometimes, as contentious as it’s been sometimes, it is progress."

So that's that.  For the rest of the election season, Democrats can go on the offensive about Obamacare with a simple message: "We tamed a wildly abusive health insurance industry and gave you new rights and benefits at a more affordable price---and oh, by the way, people lined up around the block to sign up for it."  Then force Republicans to fight on our turf by talking about a minimum wage hike, massive public-sector jobs expansion, restoration of long-term unemployment benefits, and immigration reform.  And play some Sousa in the background.  Can't miss with Sousa.

JEERS to those lying bastards.  I know it.  You know it.  Everybody on the left knows it.  Everybody on the right knows it but denies it publicly.  And now we have more proof that confirms what we know we know: the CIA's pants are on fire:

George W. Bush arrest and perp walk, Photoshopped of course
Maybe one day.
A report by the Senate Intelligence Committee concludes that the CIA misled the government and the public about aspects of its brutal interrogation program for years — concealing details about the severity of its methods, overstating the significance of plots and prisoners, and taking credit for critical pieces of intelligence that detainees had in fact surrendered before they were subjected to harsh techniques. … Officials said millions of records make clear that the CIA’s ability to obtain the most valuable intelligence against al-Qaeda---including tips that led to the killing of Osama bin Laden in 2011---had little, if anything, to do with “enhanced interrogation techniques.”
I'm shocked, shocked.  Next thing you know they'll drop the "bombshell" that, oh, say, fruits and vegetables are good for you.

P.S. Oh, hey, guess what?  There's breaking news that fruits and vegetables are good for you.  I bet that might be enough to activate Drudge's blinky light.

CHEERS to big balls, little balls, balls balls balls! After a wild March of ups and downs and smiles and frowns, your NCAA Fabulous Four men's matchups are: Florida vs. UConn and Wisconsin vs. Kentucky.  They'll play Saturday and whittle the field down to two.  Same with the Women's Division Sunday as Connecticut takes on Stanford and Notre Dame faces Maryland. Not many people know this, but I tried to compete on the court in school.  Didn’t work out too well.  The basketball kept bending my badminton racquet.

CHEERS to Charles Hall. He patented aluminum 125 years ago today.  And made the world safe for paranoids everywhere.  Remember, bunker dwellers: shiny side out!

CHEERS to amazing discoveries.  This is cool---there's a new test that's proving to be highly accurate in determining if people are having a heart attack or not when they arrive at the ER:

hands making a heart shape.
A large study in Sweden found that the blood test plus the usual electrocardiogram of the heartbeat were 99 percent accurate at showing which patients could safely be sent home rather than be admitted for observation and more diagnostics.

Of nearly 9,000 patients judged low risk by the blood test and with normal electrocardiograms, only 15 went on to suffer a heart attack in the next month, and not a single one died. … Chest pain sends more than 15 million people to emergency rooms in the United States and Europe each year, and it usually turns out to be due to anxiety, indigestion or other less-serious things than a heart attack.

To induce chest pains so that the doctors could administer their test, all the subjects were exposed to the same external stimulus: an American cable bill.


Five years ago in C&J: April 2, 2009

CHEERS to a royal welcome.  The president and First Lady arrived in Jolly Old England yesterday.  (True Fact: only 8 percent of the population there is both old and jolly.)  The highlight of the day was meeting the Queen.  A transcript of the historic moment:

President Obama and the First Lady greet Queen Elizabeth II in April, 2009
The President: Your majesty.

Her majesty The Queen: Arise, Sir Loin of Beef!  Ha ha, just kidding, I say that to everyone.'re the new chap, eh?  Couldn't possibly be any worse than the last guy, I suppose.  What were you thinking?  I mean, really---how could 59 million, 54 thousand and 87 Americans be so bloody stupid?  Have you met my husband, Prince Lazybum?  Sixty two years of nothing but brandy and snuff, brandy and snuff, snuff and brandy, snuff snuff snuff and more brandy, like he thinks money grows on bleedin' trees.

It got pretty quiet after that.


And just one more…

CHEERS to the winners who walk among us.  Every Friday our C&J poll asks, "Who won the week?"  We always try our very best (which means mediocre at best) to round up a representative sample of the people and events that spark feelings of optimism in the Kossack bosom.  Here are the victors for the first quarter of 2014.  Please hold your applause until the en... [ClapClapClapClapClapClapClapClap] ...d:

Jan. 3  Colorado, where recreational marijuana is legally for sale to adults over 21 (and also taxed and regulated)
Jan. 10 The Bergen Record, Wall Street Journal and The Rachel Maddow Show, for breaking and pursuing the story about the Christie administration's act of political retribution against Fort Lee, NJ
Jan. 17 The Bergen County Record and MSNBC's Rachel Maddow and Steve Kornacki, for their continued excellent investigative work into the Bridgegate scandal
Jan. 24 U.S. District Judge Catherine Eagles, for striking down North Carolina's law requiring a mandatory ultrasound before a woman can terminate a pregnancy
Jan. 31 President Obama, for his State of the Union in which he called for minimum-wage and immigration reform, an end to our permanent war footing, vows to lean more on executive orders

Space invaders screen
As usual, all Winners of the Week get a free
play on my Space Invaders machine.
Feb. 7 Elizabeth Warren, for her proposal to let the Post Office handle some banking functions (like debit cards and small loans) for people who don’t have bank accounts
Feb. 14 Missouri All-American and soon-to-be NFL star Michael Sam, who came out as an 'openly, proudly gay man,' and Dallas sportscaster Dale Hanson for delivering the most eloquent commentary on the significance of Sam's announcement
Feb. 21 The protesters in Kiev
Feb. 28 The opposition that prompted Gov.
Jan Brewer to veto the 'License to Discriminate' bill in Arizona

Mar 7 Congressman Elijah Cummings (D-MD), for blowing a gasket when Darrell Issa shut off his mic and adjourned during an IRS-related oversight hearing
Mar 14 President Obama: strengthens overtime protections for federal workers, expands California Coastal National Monument, 'Between Two ferns' appearance yields heavy traffic
Mar 21 President Obama: awards Medals of Honor to 24 overlooked servicemembers, ACA signups pass 5 million, steady hand on Ukraine situation, stumps for women's economic issues at Valencia College
Mar 28 President Obama: unifies U.S. and Europe against Putin aggression, nuclear security summit success, meets with Pope Francis, ACA signups top 6 million

I gotta say, for a site that regularly gets bashed by the so-called "purists" who say we hate President Obama, he sure does win a lot.  In fact, he seems to be having quite a winning year at the creaky old Great Orange Satan.  Curious, dat.

Have a healthy Wednesday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

Earth 6,500 years old?  Bill in Portland Maine says Yes!


Which of these features of the House Progressive Caucus's budget do you favor most?

26%855 votes
13%428 votes
11%372 votes
0%6 votes
13%437 votes
8%288 votes
4%133 votes
7%233 votes
15%496 votes

| 3276 votes | Vote | Results

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