In case you missed it, a number of potential Republican presidential candidates went down to Las Vegas to bow at the feet of Sheldon Adelson, democracy-meddling billionaire extraordinaire. It was a pretty sorry sight as each of the potential candidates tried to out-Israel and out-tough the other as they vied for Adelson's attention. (And mustn't forget Sheldon bestowing actual awards for being a "great Zionist" in the past.)
Even though ol' Sheldon didn't have a very good track record on his bets last go-round, he has a huge impact on the primaries, even if his horses don't win in the end. We are witnessing the selling out of democracy to cheesy casino-owners. (Because, y'know, some people have more free speech than others if they have a few billion to throw around.)
Besides the presidential candidates, Sheldon's casino cash is buying some favorable legislation that would knock out some online gaming competitors. Thanks, Lindsey Graham, glad to see you're representing your good ol' Southern Baptist constituents! Enjoy the cartoon, and hold onto your hats now that the Supreme Court just threw more cash into the mix.
Howard Hughes had his hotels and his planes, William Randolph Hearst had his castle and his zoo.
Today, Sheldon Adelson has his casinos and . . . the most extensive menagerie of presidential candidates known to billionaires!
[Adelson: "I'll spend whatever it takes!"]
Adelson's collection of presidential candidates and congressmen is housed in a luxurious paddock at the eighteen-point-five million square foot Venetian Casino complex in Las Vegas, Nevada!
Sheldon, if you please, show us your fabulous stable of collectible candidates and congressmen!
Adelson: Well, this one is just adorable, the way he begs for my affection and wags his little tail when I hold up a snack.
I can tell this one would like to bomb things, which I like. And he's trying so hard to be a good Zionist!
This big fella still needs some training, but he's eager, aggressive, and licks my toes if he hasn't been enough of a pro-Israel militant!
This lug comes from good breeding stock, even though he's not the pick of the litter. He's my little work-in-progress.
And talk about loyalty. This adorable pet worked with my lobbyist to introduce a bill in Congress to protect my gambling interests. Good little fella!
Robin Leach-ish: Shaping the politics of the nation with his bountiful billions, Sheldon Adelson knows what it takes to collect the most loyal, devoted menagerie in the history of kooky billionaires!
Sheldon, what's next on your list of collectibles?
Adelson: Well, I simply must have this, it would fit in just perfectly at the Venetian. I could keep all my pets in it, there are plenty more I'd like to collect, I really would.
Have you seen where I put my little Huckabee? Such a great American and a great Zionist. And where is that rascally Newt? Now if only I could . . .