Last night, Jon Stewart mocked the right-wing reaction to the successful Obamacare enrollment numbers, and had Al Madrigal explain Fox News's fevered ravings about how the Spanish TV stations here were plotting with Obama all along.
But apparently, according to Brent Bozell of the conservative Media Research Bullshit — I mean, Center (audience laughter) — the government had a secret Obamacare enrollment selling weapon.Video and transcript below the fold.
BRENT BOZELL (3/31/2014): For more than a year, the Spanish-language television network Univision has embarked on their own company-wide effort to get Latinos signed up for the exchanges.¡Bastardos! How dare a cable network use its reach to help its audience comply with the law? That's not news.
The end of March saw the Affordable Care Act enrollment deadline. It was a crucial test for the Obama administration. They set a very ambitious goal last September.Jon then looked at the right-wing whining about the movie Noah for not being... accurate.
KATHLEEN SEBELIUS (9/30/2013): I think success looks like at least 7 million people having signed up by the end of March 2014."And failure looks like me pretending we never had this conversation."
Come on! 7 million enrollees with a website you couldn't log on to for a month, and government mandated abortion panels for puppies? You'll never get there!ERIC BOLLING (2/26/2014): In five months, 4 — allegedly, 4 — million people have signed up. They expect to get 3 more million in one month? Wow, this is going to be a disaster.Disaster! You'll never get... it's a fever dream! A preposterous fantasy fit more for the outlandish ramblings of an opium fiend as he lays babbling in a drug-induced stupor on a soiled Alphabet City mattress! I watched Chinatown last night, I'm sorry.
So deadline passed. Give us the total.BARACK OBAMA (4/1/2014): 7.1 million Americans have now signed up for private insurance plans through these marketplaces. 7.1.Wow! Got it almost exactly! With a healthy 1.4% margin of error. That will ease suspicion. Cue the celebration.
STEVE DOOCY (4/2/2014): How real are those numbers?"And if I know this administration, they're probably steaming the books instead of cooking them with oil and butter. Might give the book some flavor, and they're probably serving macrobiotic kale with the books. And for dessert with those books, some type of Middle Eastern honey pastry with flax seed that nobody likes. And then afterwards, they'll compost their steamed bookshit. Communists." (audience laughter)
CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER (4/1/2014): This is a phony number.
FOX NEWS GUEST (4/1/2014): I actually think the White House is straight up lying about these numbers.
BRAD BLAKEMAN (4/3/2014): This is a sham!
SEN. JOHN BARRASSO, R-WY (3/30/2014): I think they're cooking the books on this.
So how do you explain this rather fortuitous increase?BARACK OBAMA (4/1/2014): 7.1 million folks have health insurance because people got the word out. And we didn't make a hard sell.What?! (audience laughter)
Word of mouth, really? You didn't make a hard sell? The signup was the centerpiece of your State of the Union address. You talked it up on Ellen, on Rachel Ray, on The Tonight Show, enlisted an army of professional athletes,
every actor in Hollywood,
you sat between two ferns! (audience applause)
And then, there was whatever the hell this is!
So listen to me,(shocked audience laughter)
A talking pup you see,
If you get health insurance
Preventive care is now free.
Didn't give the hard sell?? For God's sake, you taught a dog to rap about health insurance! Even the Taco Bell chihuahua was like, "Yo quiero we get it." (audience laughter)
But apparently, according to Brent Bozell of the conservative Media Research Bullshit — I mean, Center (audience laughter) — the government had a secret Obamacare enrollment selling weapon.BRENT BOZELL (3/31/2014): For more than a year, the Spanish-language television network Univision has embarked on their own company-wide effort to get Latinos signed up for the exchanges.¡Bastardos! How dare a cable network use its reach to help its audience comply with the law? That's not news.
Meanwhile, Stephen had a hilarious segment on Americans' uninformed opinions on Ukraine, and then covered the Senate report on torture done by the CIA under the Bush administration, and how Fox News is desperate for us to "move on" from it.
Stephen then mocked some of Common Core's new math standards.