(King James version) "Thou shalt put the children to bed at an early hour so the mother and the father can have some grown up time togetherith and Ye shall let them cry it out until they have slept through 'til the sunrise."
As soon as Moses descended from Mount Sinai he read the Lord's proclamations to all the assembled tribes of Israel . Upon finishing, he sat back, folded his arms and waited for the love to burst forth. Imagine his surprise when he was confronted with angry mothers who vilified him as a cruel, horrible man. They shouted that he should not even have children if he would let them suffer in the dark. Eliezer attempted to reassure the masses that Moses always tried to be a good father despite working very long hours, but he could not pierce the din. "Surely", the crowd wailed, "the children will grow up to hate us if forced to anguish so."
Moses insisted that he was just the messenger and they should take it up directly with Yahweh. However, when the mob engulfed him he took up the cause with a righteous vigor. He lectured that men were sleeping with their slaves because the woman never had time for them . The youth of the land would grow up with warlike tempers and bad school habits. Woman letting their infants sleep in their beds not only formed unsustainable bonds that really cut fathers out of the loop, they also were smothering the kids to death at an alarming rate.
The women would still have none of this preachiness. They maligned Moses as a Philistine and a Sodomite. Moses was ready to do the staff-to-a-snake trick when he spotted a golden calf that the mothers had insisted the men build for the children's play area. This proved to be the last straw.
"Lo, see how you do spoil the brats. When you give them everything they appreciate nothing. When you salve their every pain you stifle their every pleasure, when you provide succor for their every want you make them blind to their real needs. Most of all, you have a divorce rate over 50%. Is that working for you?"
Enraged, Moses hurled the stone tablets onto the Golden Calf with such ferocity that they did shatter. This over-the-top moment served to disperse the crowd and everyone acted real sorry and pious for awhile. However as the womenfolk walked off to prepare some coffee and manna, mutterings could be heard like, "...who elected him Pharaoh", "...could that have been more embarrassing. How does Zipporah put up with that temper..." and "...methinks somebody's got a small tablet complex..."
Eventually the pieces of the tablet were placed into a carefully constructed "Ark of the Covenant", made from the Golden Calf. This Ark Of The Covenant was carried in front of the Jewish armies thereafter. In addition to reminding the Israelites of God's laws it also proved to be a powerful weapon against a variety of gentiles up to and including Nazis.
Most people in modern times are unaware of the "Eleventh Commandment".
Perhaps Moses would have found a more receptive audience if he had quickly debunked the many myths of infants' sleeping habits. He should have immediately stressed that SIDS is not brought on by 'crying it out' or by sleeping through the night at an early age. He could have emphasized that children do not need, and in fact lose the desire for, midnight feedings between three and six months. He certainly might have mentioned that it is okay to offer a little verbal comfort after a reasonable period of crying, as long as you are not, in fact , stirring the baby up just as they are about to nod off.
God probably expected Moses to exercise a little more tact in his presentation but that is what he gets for sending a man with parenting advice. In retrospect the 'Creator of all things holy' should have gone into further detail with his written instructions but there simply was not a lot of room to work with. It was, after all, literally chiselled into stone.
This is very Old Testament meal that Jacob would have gladly given a blessing for. You will give the blessing however, because it is a perfect "set it and forget it" meal, sure to please and simpler than watching football on Sunday.
BEOUF POMME AU VIN
This might be the easiest meal you will ever impress with. Except for the "beouf" (beef in Francaise) you probably have everything else you need in your kitchen or hidden in the basement.
Need:This dish is so simple a Kardashian could do it. By the way, did you know the Kardashians' pocketed over a hundred million $$$ in 2013? Maybe I shouldn't pick on them. Anyway, back on track, this recipe is inspired by short ribs, which are fattier than chuck roast and can be hard to find in a good size. Everytime I eat a short rib I think, "Yummy... but it tastes just like chuck".
1/2 cup wine
1/2 cup salsa
1/2 cup of canned tomato sauce
2 tbsp corn starch or flour
2 to 3 lb. chuck roast
Preheat your oven to 375 degrees, then cut the meat into 4 or 5 thick fillets. Dredge in corn starch or flour and lay in snug roasting pan over 1 pat of butter each. Mix tomato sauce, wine and salsa thoroughly and pour over beef. Place another pat of butter on each fillet, cover with tin foil. Bake for 90 minutes , then turn off the heart and let cool down in oven for 45 minutes before serving.
This will be the tastiest, most succulent roast you have ever met, yet it requires about 5 minutes from the fridge to the oven. I recommend any hearty red wine but don't fret the vino as I have used Riesling with wonderful results. Serve with mashed potatoes, green beans and a hunk of good crusty bread to soak up the gobs of heavenly gravy this yields.
There won't be any leftovers, plain and simple. The smaller your family the more each member will eat but you will probably find yourself with a good bit of beef/tomato gravy. Save the gravy and mix with a can of tomato sauce for a quick spaghetti sauce or toss it over tomorrows green beans as a spectacular side.
-- fin --
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