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You know, Fox News talking head and department store mannequin that has finally become a real boy Greg Gutfeld, if you envy the Americans so poor that they pay no federal income tax I can think of a very simple way to join their ranks.
Yay, it's tax day! Or for seventy million households: Tuesday, because for them they pay no federal income tax so they're left wondering why everyone's at the post office sweating through their shirts. I don't blame them, I envy them! A tax form to them is like a coupon for Head and Shoulders if you're bald. This is how dependence works, big government is grand if you don't feel its hand.
The actual Lucky Duckies argument in the wild. Wow, and I thought it existed these days only as parody.
Not that I don't love taxes, without them how would people like Harry Reid thrive. Useless in productive society, hucksters rely on us as their welfare. Reid and his ilk look at America and see millions of wallets and purses ready to be picked to perpetuate their power.
Please read below the fold for more of this ridiculousness.

You do realize that your conservative states suck more proportionally from the federal teat than the liberal states do, right? Don't make us pull out the damn charts again.

See, my theory of government is really simple, it's all about the street. Government should keep things off the street: the thugs, the insane, invading armies, and keep things on the street, like cement and lampposts. Everything else, we can handle. Which is why I'm bummed that 110 days of my salary goes directly into the mouth of a blob that turns my efforts into useless poop.
One, that is indeed what government does, though some us are keen on keeping our fellow Americans off the street as well, since grandma wouldn't do very well these days living in a refrigerator box under the overpass. Lucky Duckies, am I right? Two, how much money do you make to hit that tax bracket? Christ, buddy, I think any one of those families you envy for not having to fill out the tax forms would trade places with you in a heartbeat. This is a solvable problem for both you and them, and it seems like both sides win. Three, that poop was there long before the government ever got involved. What "effort" of yours is the government digesting, exactly?
So today the IRS chuckles. And they can laugh, because as they target conservative groups while billions of taxes go unpaid by federal employees, it's you who has to worry. The cost of ticking them off: jail time! That's April 15th for you. It's not about filing, but force. Not taxes, but axes. And once that axe becomes untethered from reason or fairness it's you who feels the blade.
Who the hell wrote this script? It is indistinguishable from parody. It's the sort of thing right-wing bloggers would write in one of their fevered imaginations of themselves as the Paul Revere of conservatism. I could poop better anti-government rhetoric than this. This is Pravda for Morons.

Originally posted to Hunter on Wed Apr 16, 2014 at 11:44 AM PDT.

Also republished by Daily Kos.

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