Denver, Colorado (FOX News)- This morning at 4:20 AM DEA agents attempted to raid a local Marijuana dispensary in downtown Denver Colorado. Only to be rebuffed by armed young men wearing knit skull caps with bloodshot eyes. When the three black vans rolled up to the front entrance windows on the second and third floor opened and long thin sniper rifle barrels poked forth as a cloud of smoke belched from the building. This was followed by several seconds of clicks pops and loud feedback before a slow voice blared forth from a megaphone.
"Chill right there, G-Man!" The languid speech hung in the air. The DEA agents froze looked up and immediately dove for cover. Wild laughter erupted from the open windows and several of the sniper rifles disappeared. One fell out the window and crashed to the ground. Its former owner could be seen holding his belly doubled over. "Dude, did you see them scramble? That was epic."
"Frank, the megaphone is still on," Another voice was heard.
"What? Oh... sorry, Tommy... Um... Yeah, G-Men this building is being protected by the 420 revolutionary guard. Your kind isn't welcome here." The first man continued to the now huddled, hidden agents below. "You can have our pot when you pry it from our cold dead hands."
Sounds of wild cheering followed by someone saying "pass the donuts" erupted from the building.
That scene played out about 12-hours ago on Easter Sunday in downtown Denver. Here at FOX news we are covering this patriotic people's uprising against the oppressive, tyrannical Executive branch of the federal government.
The Happy X 420 pot shop is accused of not having filed its quarterly tax payment and having marijuana of suspect origin on the premises. The DEA claims some of the pot may have been grown out of state even as far away as Mendocino County in California or even in Mexico. Transporting that pot across state lines makes it a federal offense and selling it would put the shop in violation of federal law. With the added violation of failure to make the tax payment, the shop became a target for the heavy hand of the federal government.
Here at FOX we called and asked what it would take to get a reporter into the building to interview these patriotic potheads and find out what caused them to take up arms and stand toe-to-toe to defend their right to toke up. After a few minutes of silence interspersed with some background laughter the leader, who identifies himself only as Mile High Kushmaster, told us the group would speak only to Megyn Kelly. "'Cuz she's HAWT, bro."
Within a few hours we had Megyn on the ground and using a smoke screen the group set up for us we managed to sneak her into the building. Below the cheese puff is a transcript of her interview with these easily distracted but nonetheless resolved young patriots.
Megan Kelly: Tell us in your own words why you are taking up arms against the federal government.
Mile High Kushmaster: Well Tommy said his dad said they were gonna raid the shop and this is where we get our pot and... well... um... we heard about that Cliven Bundy dude who managed to scare off those BLT (sic) agents by having a bunch of friends with guns show up and we just figured we could do the same thing. I mean this is the sovereign state of Colorado and we shouldn't have to deal with these federal laws that are in violation of our rights and... and... and...Dude, pass the Cheetos, I'm hungry.
Megyn: So you are here to support state's rights and fight the oppressive federal power structure.
MHK: Um... I guess so... we just want to be able to toke up in peace. If they want our pot they can pry it from our cold dead hands.
Megyn: So the world wants to know. How long do you intend to hold out and what results are you expecting.
MHK: Well now that you folks are here... girl you are SOOOO hawt.... hopefully we can get them to stop oppressing us and leave us alone. The feds have no place in Denver. We got our own laws here and Bryce said that his dad said this was a 10th Amendment issue.
Megyn: Is Bryce one of your lieutenants?
MHK: I guess that's what you'd call him. His dad watches your station all the time. That's where we got the guns from. When his dad finally drank enough to pass out in front of the TV we snuck into the basement and cleaned out his gun safe. Glad he used Bryce's birthday as the combination or we might not even be here.
Megyn: What do the owners of the shop think of your support?
MHK: Dave agreed with us that what the feds were doing was illegal so he let us all in. He lives here on the second floor. Yo, Tommy, where's Dave, man? Is Dave still here? Dave's not here? Where's Dave man? Someone find Dave. Where's Dave, man?
(this went on for about 5 minutes)
Megyn: Well we can talk to Dave if you ever manage to locate him, but back to the topic at hand. How long do you think you can hold out here?
MHK: Well we've got lots of snacks. We managed to clean out a 7-11 on the way here so there's like millions of bags of chips and candy bars. Hopefully we can sneak in a pizza delivery later on like we did with you. There's a couple dozen of us so we should be able to toke up and pass out in shifts to keep a few rifles pointed in the right direction until the G-Men get a clue and leave us alone.
Megyn: I notice you only have rifles pointed out the front. Are you concerned about a rear assault?
MHK: Oh... dude.... good point. Yo Bryce, get some people pointing guns out the back windows too and someone order some pizzas.
Megyn: Well there you have it. These patriotic young men are making a stand against an oppressive federal government that is violating their local rights. One more fine example of American patriotism and guns at work. This is Megyn Kelly for FOX news.
At the same time FOX interviewed the local DEA leader to ask how long the government would wait and if the end result would be similar to what happened in Nevada. Would they pack up shop and go home?
Agent Smith: (chuckling) Um... no chance of that happening. These aren't real militia types. Eventually they'll all pass out and then we'll storm the building. If that doesn't happen, tomorrow we'll call in a few sniper teams and pick a few of these drug addicts off or launch a few tear gas canisters and flash-bangs through the windows and then break down the door and round them all up. A few get killed in the process, well no real loss. Can't give these hippy freaks an inch.
We'll be covering this story 24/7 until resolution so stay tuned to FOX news for wall-to-wall coverage of the Pothead Patriots against Obama.