JON STEWART: Now before the break, we were discussing the latest in American non-racism. Now we're joined by Senior Black Correspondent Larry Wilmore. Larry Wilmore, welcome to the show! Yes!
LARRY WILMORE: Oh man, holy shit, Jon! What a week to be Senior Black Correspondent! I got on a plane to come out here to talk about Cliven Bundy; by the time I landed, Donald Sterling was blowing up! I mean, in one news cycle, we've got libertarian cowboy racist, old Jewish sports racist, and dudes bragging about their black friends through a KKK hood! (blows kiss to the air)
JON STEWART: It is a rich tapestry. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. But Larry, why is the conversation so explosive? Why is the race conversation so fraught right now?
LARRY WILMORE: Yeah, Jon, well, minorities are mad for the obvious reasons. Stop and Frisk, unequal opportunities, voter suppression ...
JON STEWART: OK.
LARRY WILMORE: unfair sentencing laws...
JON STEWART: Good one.
LARRY WILMORE: Trayvon Martin...
JON STEWART: Right.
LARRY WILMORE: stealing our music...
JON STEWART: Sure.
LARRY WILMORE: diabetes.
JON STEWART: I got it. Non-whites are mad. But what about white people, Larry? They seem even more angry. Yet they're not suffering from this racism.
LARRY WILMORE: Well, other than white people being crazy...
JON STEWART: Wait, what?!
LARRY WILMORE: I think it comes down to their fear that black people are gaining something at their expense. And they've got some very well-thought out theories about it.
CLIVEN BUNDY (4/19/2014): I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro. ... Because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do? They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton.
(disgusted audience reaction)
LARRY WILMORE: Um, I want to tell Cliven Bundy one thing I know about the Negro. Our two choices in life aren't between picking cotton and picking up welfare checks. The President of the United States is black, so fuck you.
(wild audience cheering and applause)
LARRY WILMORE: No, no, no, OK, if you want to talk about government subsidies, OK, I'll go there, cowboy. All right. Remember the Homestead Act, where the federal government you don't believe exists told your ancestors they could have all the land for as far as they could get in a day?
Know what they told my ancestors? How far can you get in a day? (brushes away with hand)
JON STEWART: So the pioneer self-sufficient we built it American West, basically a giant welfare program?
LARRY WILMORE: Yep, Bundy grew up in a culture of dependency. It's no wonder he turned into a thug. (audience laughter) But I feel bad for him, Jon. I mean, at this point even Rick Perry has condemned his racism, and that guy has a ranch called Niggerhead.
JON STEWART: Wow! What about Donald Sterling, though? This man is rich, he's wealthy beyond belief. His life is fine, he's great, where's the resentment there? What's his problem?
LARRY WILMORE: Well Jon, he's got a different perspective. I mean, racists like Sterling aren't worried that minorities are going to pass them. They're looking down on them from above, and need them to stay in their place.
JON STEWART: And apparently that place does not include standing next to his girlfriend in an Instagram photo.
LARRY WILMORE: Really. Really?! Magic Johnson?? Magic Johnson isn't good enough to be seen with your mixed-race mistress? I mean, Magic Johnson, a man so universally respected, even HIV doesn't want to bring him down! (audience laughter and applause) Magic!
JON STEWART: No, it's true, I don't get it, it's Magic Johnson! I don't get it!
LARRY WILMORE: Jon, Jon, and listen to how Sterling talks about his players.
DONALD STERLING: I support them and give them food, and clothes, and cars, and houses. Who gives it to them? Does someone else give it to them?
LARRY WILMORE: Wow. I mean, that's the kind of thing you boast about from the porch of your plantation right before Django shoots you. (audience laughter)
JON STEWART: But that's ... here's what mind ... So this virulent racist is dating a woman of color.
LARRY WILMORE: Ehhh, I don't know if dating is the right word, Jon. He's more of a sugar bigot. (audience laughter) And besides, you know, he's just carrying on a great American tradition. Look, we all respect Thomas Jefferson, but shit might have turned out differently if Sally Hemmings had Instagram.
"I told you, do not bring Kunta Kinte to my games!" (audience laughter)
JON STEWART: What filter is that? What Instagram filter?
LARRY WILMORE: '70s.
JON STEWART: Is it?
LARRY WILMORE: 1770s.
JON STEWART: 1770s, all right. Well, in your mind, what should the consequences be for Sterling?
LARRY WILMORE: OK, Jon, well I've given this a lot of thought. We have to make this right, OK? Chris Paul has to come play for the Lakers.
JON STEWART: Wait, what?! I know you're a Lakers fan, but that's your solution?
LARRY WILMORE: Yes! Yes, Jon. I'll call the NAACP!
JON STEWART: How's the ... what is the NAACP going to do?
LARRY WILMORE: The National Association for the Advancement of Chris Paul ... to the Lakers!
That's right! Chris, you need to escape! Look, wait till dark, then go to the north side of the Staples Center, OK? To the Lakers locker room.
JON STEWART: How does this fix the racism problem?
LARRY WILMORE: Jon, don't be silly! We're never going to fix racism in this country. But I'm a Lakers fan. And we can fix basketball in Southern California. (audience laughter)
JON STEWART: Thank you, Larry. Larry Wilmore, everybody. Nicely done, sir. Larry Wilmore! We'll be right back.
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