Last night, Stephen Colbert took aim at Georgia's new "guns everywhere" law.
But shockingly, the "guns everywhere bill" doesn't cover some everywheres. Yes, it broadens conceal carry eligibility to include people who have committed crimes with guns, but only after they're out of jail. Why can't they carry guns in prison? That's where you need them! That place is full of criminals! (audience laughter)
This "guns everywhere bill" is a good start. But it still requires you to carry a gun, to have a gun. That's why I say we must broaden "guns everywhere" to "everywhere is guns". All buildings in America must provide concealed weapons in event of a non-gun-having emergency. Just use the gun on the chain to shoot the glass, and grab the gun.
(audience laughter)
Because the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun. And if everybody has a gun, chances are at least one of them will be good.
Video and full transcript below the fold.
Nation, we all know the Obama regime is doing everything it can to undermine the Second Amendment. Sure, Obama hasn't undermined it yet, but he also hasn't undermined the First Amendment, so gun lovers still have the freedom to say he's undermining the Second Amendment without any evidence, which makes us look nuts, thereby undermining the Second Amendment! It's all a long con.
So I was thrilled to spend yester-weekend with like-minded patriots at the NRA's 2014 annual meeting in Indianapolis. It was "over 9 acres of guns, gear, and outfitters!" that featured innovative products like the Stalking Shield
for the ethical hunter who wants to ensure they only cull the stupidest members of the herd. The Stalking Shield, they'll never trust a tree again. (audience laughter)
The convention also featured speakers like Louisiana Governor and boy who wished to be big Bobby Jindal, who made it clear the stakes facing the NRA could not be higher.
GOV. BOBBY JINDAL, R-LA (4/25/2014): The same liberal extremists who want to come take our guns are the same forces that want to take away our religious liberty.
Exactly! If we cave on gun control, next comes religion control. Which means a 3-day waiting period before I can buy a Bible. (audience laughter) Then, what will I put in my breast pocket to miraculously protect me from all the stray bullets flying around? (audience laughter) Now, also on the lectern of people who just happened to be in the neighborhood caring about guns and what do you mean I'm not running for President was former former Senator Rick Santorum, who talked about the crucial role guns play in any happy marriage.
EX-SEN. RICK SANTORUM, R-PA (4/25/2014): Karen owns more guns than I do. I don't know about most men, but you know, the default gift for most men is to buy flowers on a special occasion. For me, the safe bet? Ammo.
Yes, why say it with flowers when you can say it with bullets? It's the gift that goes straight to someone else's heart. (audience laughter and applause) A lot of ammo fans here tonight.
And folks, it is more important than ever for these heroes to stand up for our right to bear arms and/or plastic oak bark tunics. 'Cause this is a critical time for the most important gun right of all, concealed carry, which is guaranteed by our Constitution. Now yes, you can't see it written in there, that's 'cause it's concealed. (audience laughter) So I was happy to see Georgia's governor Nathan Deal stand up for the right to rock out with your Glock not out.
KING5 (4/23/2014): Georgia's governor has signed a controversial gun bill into law.
ABC NEWS (4/23/2014): Starting July 1st, people in Georgia can bring firearms into bars, libraries, churches, and even some government buildings.
NBC NEWS (4/23/2014): Its official name is the Safe Carry Protection Act, but critics call it the "guns everywhere bill".
That's right, critics call it the "guns everywhere bill". While supporters call it the "Guns everywhere, Bill!" (audience laughter) I assume they yell that at someone named Bill.
And with this law, Georgians will be able to bring their guns to schools, bars, churches, and libraries. Of course, there, you will want to use a silencer.
(audience laughter)
But best of all, folks, you can now even pack heat in certain parts of the airport, which will finally allow you to defend that one seat with an outlet.
(audience laughter and applause)
But shockingly, the "guns everywhere bill" doesn't cover some everywheres. Yes, it broadens conceal carry eligibility to include people who have committed crimes with guns, but only after they're out of jail. Why can't they carry guns in prison? That's where you need them! That place is full of criminals! (audience laughter)
This "guns everywhere bill" is a good start. But it still requires you to carry a gun, to have a gun. That's why I say we must broaden "guns everywhere" to "everywhere is guns". All buildings in America must provide concealed weapons in event of a non-gun-having emergency. Just use the gun on the chain to shoot the glass, and grab the gun.
(audience laughter)
Because the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun. And if everybody has a gun, chances are at least one of them will be good. We'll be right back.
Stephen also looked at Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)
getting chummy with Rupert Murdoch.
He then looked at the new Satanic monument that is for the Oklahoma State House.
Meanwhile, Jon looked at some recent arrests and convictions when it came to Wall Street and Occupy with Sam Bee.
Jon then had another Gaywatch segment on some recent news involving lesbian couples.
Stephen talked with Bette Midler, and Jon talked with Peter Schuck, which went long. Here's the unedited interview in three parts.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3