and ends up in corprate board rooms. My personal experience with a school bully
Friday, May 9, 2014
Bully 4 U & Me
There are 2 sides of the bullying argument. Right wing machismo says, “Bullying is the rite of passage into manhood. Every boy must go through it as a lesson in self-defense. It will put hair on his chest.” These are the same people who are cheerleaders of war, but never seem to be on the front lines. If you ask me, this whole pro-masculinity school of thought is kind of homoerotic. A lot of this mindset comes from the Religious Right.
Then there is the other side of the argument, which says that all people have the right to live a life without pain and suffering. Therefore, the weak must be protected from the oppression of stronger and bigger humans.
Who is correct on the subject of bullying? I have been struggling with this issue for years. This piece, however, is not about that subject. It’s about hypocrisy. On the micro…it’s about childhood. On the macro…it’s about nations and groups of people. I will focus on the micro.
Growing up in the USA, a male child is subject to the pack mentality. The physically superior is a self-appointed, Alpha dog; the weaker, a Gamma. In a wolf, pack, the stronger wolf is the Alpha--the boss. He establishes his position through humiliation and violence. In a group of males, the physically strongest is the boss. It is an ancient primal hierarchy that establishes this order of things. This tribal mentality has guided humanity for centuries. The Age of Enlightenment challenged this primal notion in exchange for living in a civil society.
However, in childhood, maturity does not exist. These rules apply solely to adults. If you are a child who seeks the protection of adults, you are branded a sissy, faggot, pussy, or just a big baby.
Growing up in the 60s, I was an easy target. I was a scared, fat kid who just wanted to get along with others and live my life. I had learning disabilities and was weak and sickly. I was a loner because my parents never taught me any social skills. In grade school, there were packs of kids who were friends. I never hung around packs. There was this bully who I’ll call Beanie. He was the tallest and the bulkiest kid there. He had his own group of sycophants. This group of ass- kissers reinforced anything he did. His favorite activity was to pick out a weak kid on the playground and humiliate the poor son-of-a-bitch in front of everybody. When he drove the poor kid to tears, his entire fan club would laugh hysterically. Well, one day I was the victim of his sadistic follies. I’d just purchased a carton of orange juice when Beanie grabbed my shoulder and said, “It is a hot day, More-ass!” That was his pet name for me. He then said in jocular tone, “Instead of drinking it, you should wear it!” He grabbed my orange juice box and poured it all over my head. “Don’t you feel cooler now, More-Ass?” His buddies were laughing hysterically. But Beanie wasn’t through with me. “Look at what you did, More-ass! You got orange juice on my shoes! I think you should lick it off!” I answered in my shaky voice, “I don’t want to get my pants dirty.” I tried to walk away when Beanie gave me a left hook to my chin. I fell onto the ground and his friends started kicking me. Some teacher came along, so Beanie and his friends ran away. The teacher escorted me to the principal’s office and I got suspended for fighting in school! There would be many more incidents like this at school.
Five years later, I went to Fairfax High and became an SDS activist. I was taller and thinner in High School. As an anti-war activist, I became more assertive and stronger. One day, I was passing out fliers for a student strike when, low and behold, there was Beanie! His hair had grown out and he’d become a peace and love hippie! “Remember me?” I demanded to know. He must have been high on pot; he answered, “Oh…yeah…you are More-Ass! Look…I’m sorry the way I treated you back in Hancock Park, but I was young and didn’t know better.” I was pissed. “Why in the fuck did you just call me ‘More-Ass?!’” He became defensive. “Ah…sorry about that. It’s just a habit.” He had a can of beer in his hand and I grabbed it. I took a sip of it. I was going to pour it on his head, but I changed my mind. I gave it back to him. “Watch it!” I warned him, “It’s illegal to drink on campus!” I then asked him, “Are you going to strike?” He just said “No.” “Why not?” I asked him. He mumbled, “I don’t want to get in trouble. My parents will kill me!” I laughed in his face and said, “Who’s the pussy now?!”
To this day, the right wing is putting down the great counter-culture. I got my audacity and my inner strength from the Woodstock rebellion. Anybody who puts down the hippie rebellion is a lying prick. As far as bullying goes, it should be stopped before it happens.
A true man defines his own manhood. All definitions of manhood are mainly bullshit.