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Last night, it was Stephen Colbert's turn to mock Karl Rove's latest smear attempt against Hillary Clinton.

All Karl Rove is saying is that Hillary's a public figure, and we should be worried about her brain. But folks, there's another public figure who worries me even more — Karl Rove. Because he said that Hillary spent thirty days in the hospital, when in fact she was only there for three days. Has Karl Rove lost track of time because he has a serious brain injury? I'm just asking the question! I mean, for some reason he is protecting his skull with a thick cushion of meat. (audience cheering and applause)

Now, some people are saying he's just these stories about Hillary's health right out of his ass. But because he wears those orthopedic pants, at this point, we don't even know if Karl Rove has an ass. He could suffer from a rare condition where the body's lower intestinal tract is re-routed to the cranial cavity. It's called copro-encephalopathy, or in layman's terms, shit for brains.

(massive audience cheering and applause)

Video and full transcript below the fold.


Now Nation, there is nothing that gets me more excited than a good political rivalry.  Bush v. Gore.  Bush v. Bore.

Bush v. Door.

(audience laughter and applause)

Well, buckle up, folks, cuz there's a new political battle royale.  Karl versus Hillary!  And last week, Karl came out swinging!

5/13/2014:

CHRIS JANSING: Karl Rove suggested Hillary Clinton may have brain damage.

ERIN BURNETT: Tonight, Karl Rove, slamming Hillary Clinton. ... The headline in the New York Post today, screaming "Karl Rove: Hillary may have brain damage".

JOHN BERMAN: Rove was talking about Clinton's treatment after she suffered a fall and concussion in December of 2012.

JOHN KING: He said this:

KARL ROVE: Thirty days in the hospital?  And when she reappears, she's wearing glasses that are only for people who have traumatic brain injury?  We need to know what's up with that.
Yeah, what's up with that?  Congress must convene a select committee to investigate the what-ness of that being up.  (audience laughter and applause)  Lot of select committee fans here tonight.

Nation, this is a serous scandal, because Rove's conjecture is based on solid facts.  Hillary Clinton did go to the hospital after a concussion in 2012, and she later exhibited some very strange behavior in her Benghazi testimony.  She had a mastery of the facts, and an unshakeable confidence, all while wearing those stupid glasses.

I mean, these things are like orthopedic shoes for your face.  You have to be brain damaged to wear those!  Or near-sighted, which I believe is caused by brain damage.

And Hillary's shown signs of mental frailty before, just look at these pants she wore in the 1970s.

Girl, that is a traumatic fashion injury!

Of course, the liberal media attacked, so Rove went on Fox News to unpologize.

KARL ROVE (5/13/2014): My point was, was that Hillary Clinton wants to run for President, but she would not be human if this didn't enter in as a consideration.  And my other point is, this will be an issue in the 2016 race whether she likes it or not. ... Look, she'll be 69 by the time the 2016 elections... she would be 77 if she serves two terms.  And this ends up being an issue. ... We don't know what the doctors said about, you know, what does she have to be concerned about, we don't know about what... I mean, she's hidden a lot.
Yes, she's hidden a lot.  I mean, who knows what other diseases we could wonder if she has.  (audience laughter)  Scurvy?  Gingivitis?  Restless leg syndrome?  Cooper's droop?  Could she have popcorn lung?  And Karl's only bringing this up because the media is going to make an issue of it anyway.  I mean, just look at how much they've been making issue of it since Karl brought it up.
5/14/2014:

MICHELLE COTTLE: This is an issue that Karl wants people talking about.

ALAN COLMES: They wanted us to start focusing on Hillary's health. ... He wants to raise suspicion.

STEVE McMAHON: Karl Rove has gotten exactly what he wants.

ANNA PALMER: We're talking about it, and it's been making news, it's on programs now on cable news for the last, you know, 10/24 hours.

RICHARD SOCARIDES: It was totally fabricated, then he pulls it back, now we're having this whole segment on it.

Yeah, everybody in the news is talking about it.  Even this guy over here.  That guy right there.

Watch, watch!  I bet he starts talking about Hillary's brain damage.  Oh, he just did it!!  He just said it!  Maybe he'll say it again.

Nah... he's just eating popcorn right now.  Man, the media.  You guys are fucked up!

(audience cheering and applause)

I think I've got popcorn lung!

All Karl Rove is saying is that Hillary's a public figure, and we should be worried about her brain.  But folks, there's another public figure who worries me even more — Karl Rove.  Because he said that Hillary spent thirty days in the hospital, when in fact she was only there for three days.  Has Karl Rove lost track of time because he has a serious brain injury?  I'm just asking the question!  I mean, for some reason he is protecting his skull with a thick cushion of meat.  (audience cheering and applause)

Now, some people are saying he's just these stories about Hillary's health right out of his ass.  But because he wears those orthopedic pants, at this point, we don't even know if Karl Rove has an ass.  He could suffer from a rare condition where the body's lower intestinal tract is re-routed to the cranial cavity.  It's called copro-encephalopathy, or in layman's terms, shit for brains.

(massive audience cheering and applause)

I don't know, we don't know!  It's gonna be an issue.  I gotta say, his mouth exhibits all the classic symptoms.  I'm just asking, what's up with that?  We'll be right back.

Stephen also blasted Russia for banning us from the International Space Station, and looked at how we're developing morality in robots.

Meanwhile, Jon looked at India's election with Jason Jones going there to report on it in person.


Jon then noted how Rep. Charlie Rangel (D-NY) went after his primary opponents in a debate.

Stephen talked with Thomas Friedman about climate change, and Jon talked with actor Jim Parsons.

Originally posted to Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group on Fri May 16, 2014 at 05:30 AM PDT.

Also republished by Daily Kos.

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