Skip to main content screenshot: ''Godzilla' [2014] Review: Everything You Want From The Big Guy And More'
Markos is traveling today, so he left this week's nutpicking assignment to me. Today's source material will be the John Nolte movie review of "Godzilla," the new version, via the doomed city of Breitbart. (No links, but it is easy to find.) I'm becoming more and more impressed with Nolte's work; he may be the single best satirist of conservative culture out there, made all the better by his apparent unawareness that he's a satirist. He is well on his way to becoming a one-man Onion.

The central point of conservative movie criticism is, of course, to let the audience know if the persons involved with the movie need to be shunned. Nolte gets that out of the way early:

Director Gareth Edwards claims his summer blockbuster "Godzilla" is some sort of Global Warming cautionary tale. If that was his intent, unless you want to count the expected and clichéd platitudes about "controlling nature," he failed miserably (thank God).

Saying such things might be a cynical attempt to win favor with elite critics, but what Edwards actually delivers where it counts -- up on the screen -- is a spectacularly mounted and unpretentious Godzilla romp that might be the best recruiting commercial for the United States Navy since Tony Scott's "Top Gun" (1986).

Despite the involvement of a dreaded Unclean, Nolte's verdict is an enthusiastic thumbs-up, calling it "nearly the best Godzilla anyone could possibly make." A few paragraphs of praise, a few paragraphs of critique, yada yada yada and we close out the review with a nice, fat piece of hanging bait:
P.S. If you're intent on looking for a political message, here in America, only Barack Obama's Hawaii, Harry Reid's Nevada, and Nancy Pelosi's San Francisco are destroyed. Some kind of sub-conscious hostility towards the destructive leadership of the Democrat Party…? Why not.
Oh yeah, that's the stuff. So let's go below the fold and see how the audience responds, shall we?

Well, there's always some guy who won't play along. Some guy with an overtly flag-waving avatar, usually, but there's always some guy:

Sorry Nolte, but if that's his intent....I have no interest, regardless of whether it bashes you over the head with it or not. Hollywood nutbags need to pay a price when they make statements like that. Besides Bryan Cranston says Obamacare is "great"! Boycott these clowns.
Well, we sure didn't make it far in that thread before Obamacare comes up. A rebuttal:
Would you prefer films like "WALL-E"? Where the director swears on a stack of Rolling Stones that it isn't political but it's transparent eco-prop? Remember, we're in an era of cultural Maoism - if the director wants to work again, he has to placate the cultural commissars.
Touché. And bonus points for cultural Maoism, and for commissars, and for eco-prop, and oh hell, for the entire thing.

The San Francisco mention was a definite hit with readers:

Watching a 300' over-stuffed iguana stomping all over 'Frisco would be worth the price of admission alone! 'zilla in 2016!
Nobody ever makes a movie about a 300' lizard destroying a conservative city because there are no important conservative cities. A giant lizard leveling Phoenix? It would put the audience to sleep in five minutes. More to the point, I don't think you're allowed to have a movie about a monster destroying any city that doesn't have at least one suspension bridge and/or Eiffel Tower. One of those MPAA code things.

Then somehow a fight over Social Security breaks out. Why is Social Security required?

Same reason Communists put walls up - to keep people IN, not OUT. SS is mandatory because, like the East Germans and Cubans and Norks, without it being mandatory most would climb the wall or get in the dinghy and escape.

A commenter's video suggestion of other movies to see instead does not go well, but at least restores some sanity to the thread:

Wanting to see an Adam Sandler movie while claiming Hollywood has run out of ideas renders your entire video moot.
Finally, something we can all agree on. Glad to see we're back on the rails again.
Liberals will see this movie and say: "OMG! If we don't stop global warming...I mean climate change... I mean climate whatever... iguanas will grow into millions of Godzillas! OMG! Obama save us!" That's the level of logic one should expect from the rank-and-file liberal.
And we're back off the rails. Oh, well.
The only monsters I'm concerned about are the ones running the Federal Government.
I hope Godzilla wore a body condom as he traipsed through Reid's Nevada and Pelosi's San Francisco. Yuck!

Well, there ya go. Enjoy the crazy; Markos will be back next week.

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