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Tommygun in a violin case
No one will ever suspect a thing ...
I had actually started writing this piece before the most recent mass shooting and then it happened again. How many times do we have to say that? As Brooklynbadboy recently stated, "This is what we as Americans have become, a group of people who have come to accept massacre and mass murder as a way of life." He is right, of course. We have come to accept the news of mass shootings with a sigh and a shrug. If we try to bring up any argument for gun control, as is prescribed in the U.S. Constitution we are told it is not a gun issue, it is a mental health issue. (It is the part of the second amendment that gets ignored, the one that says "Well regulated.") It isn't guns; you can kill with a baseball bat, or a knife, or, well you get the idea.

The problem is that the NRA and gun manufacturers promote violence as a way to solve our problems and use fear to get us to feel the need to have guns to protect our homes and families. Well, if I can kill with a baseball bat I would think I would be able to protect my home with one, and as an added bonus on nice days my son can take the baseball bat and play baseball with it. I don't have to worry about it accidentally going off and shooting one of his friends at second base. I don't have to worry about hiding it. Same thing with that set of dangerous kitchen knives I have. They are not going to go off and kill my neighbor three doors down, ”they will however, help me slice up an onion to go into the pot of beer I am boiling bratwurst in.

I also do not have to worry about hiding my knives and baseball bats. I never have to worry about making sure no one can get to them. Of course the paranoid gun fetishists over at have that covered for you: they have a list of hiding places in the home, brought to you by none other than Beretta Firearms. The article is entitled "Down and dirty solutions to hiding your handgun (at home edition)."

I served in the U.S. Army and when our firearms were not in use they were locked up in the arms room. The armorer and the first sergeant were the only two people to have a key to that room. We did not store them in our barracks, you did not take your rifle home with you. It was locked in the arms room. If you had a personally owned firearm, it was locked up in the arms room; you did not carry it on your person, nor did you store it in the barracks. It was all about safety and security. My personal firearms are under lock and key. My baseball bat is not.

Please read below the fold for more on this story.

The article from our friendly neighborhood gun fetishists starts here:

Short term solutions are ideal for everyday-carriers. Storage styles fall on a spectrum between two categories, œgo-to guns (primary weapons that can/will be accessed at a moment's notice) and œbackup guns (guns that are better hidden and harder to access, but may hold some specific strategic value). These backup guns toe into the arena of long-term solutions which apply more to BBQ guns and survival treasures (more on these in future installments).
I am not sure what kind of world one must live in to have a need for both a go-to gun and and a backup gun. If you need both I strongly urge you to move to a different neighborhood or maybe rethink that career choice with the drug cartel. For the life of me I cannot fathom a reason to be so paranoid that you need a primary gun and a backup gun for personal protection. If you are in a war zone, are in law enforcement, or work for a drug lord, I can understand this but if you are not in a war zone and your employment does not require you to have gunfights on a daily basis (or even monthly basis), then I see no need for this level of paranoia.

So let's see where we should hide our primary guns:

  • Check out any linen closets or bathroom cabinets for space to hang a small gun just above the door on the wall/panel closest to you (so that the gun would be directly over the head of someone rummaging through the space).
Nope, no child is going to ever find daddy's gun there. Nope, never gonna happen.
  • Under the œbeach towels or dog sheets(just not under the bath towels you use regularly) on a high shelf is an extra thrifty, low-tech fix for the washroom.
Nope, no child is ever going to grab a beach towel or a dog sheet. Because they never go to the beach or take care of the dog.
  • Your laundry hamper offers a lot storage potential for handguns as thieves are usually not interested in your soiled clothes.
Unless you are a parent like me who feels that his child should learn household chores like doing laundry. Yes, I make my child do laundry - I do want him to have an idea of how to do it when he goes out in the world. Call me crazy, but I want my son prepared for life. So hold the handguns in the hamper, please.
  • Thieves and curious children will likely be attracted to your bedroom closet, so extra care must be taken when attempting to hide anything of value here. One high concealment, low cost, lowered security method is to hang the gun off a plastic hanger (one that is easily broken) through the trigger guard (for semi-autos I advise against storing with a round in the chamber). Cover with a button up shirt and jacket, pants and tie (leave the dress shirt partially unbuttoned so that you can reach in and grab your pistol unfettered).
Again, what world do you live in where thieves are constantly going through your bedroom closet? Glad they did say not to chamber a round, but, I am fairly certain a closet is a bad place to store an unlocked gun. I know my son played in my closet when he was younger and also knew to look there for Christmas presents.
  • Whenever drywall work presents itself, you have the opportunity to hide a handgun before sealing up any holes. Cut out an appropriately sized section in a place where guests or family are not likely to touch or lean ... Mount your weapon ... and glue the old drywall back in place with the help of some patch tape. Mud and paint to match. To retrieve the gun, just put your fist through the patch and grab.
While a child is not going to get the firearm here I think the next owner of the house is going to wonder why in the hell you had a handgun sealed up in your wall.
  • For those with heavier security concerns, less contact with visitors and children, and solid body front doors with storm doors (usually your main entrance), a gun can be secured around the doorknob and hid via procedure. When opening the door to someone, invite them in but leave the main door open against the wall, hiding your pistol from the room. For bonus concealment install hooks and hang coats so they hang over your piece (or store your gun itself in a coat pocket).
Again, where do you live and what is your profession to need to greet everyone who comes to your door with your hand on a firearm? Seriously, move, retire, get the hell out of whatever war-torn hellhole you live in.

And now for my favorite hiding places listed in the article. Seriously, whoever thought these up is possibly the dumbest person on the face of the planet. Keep in mind, this article was sponsored by a gun manufacturer ...

  1. An empty cereal box in the pantry stored on a high shelf is a decent short term solution.  Don'™t chose Trix either (they're for kids), pick something boring but not out of place in your food stocks.
  2. Ziploc bag your revolver and hide it in the fridge or freezer.  Most freezers won'™t get cold enough to cause any malfunctions and pinch comes to push, you can fire the gun through the bag.
  3. Those grocery bags folded next to the refrigerator, under the sink or wherever you store them can make for a great subterfuge storage area.
  4. Thieves used to love CDs, but today, not so much.  A small CD wallet is a decent extra dirty solution to short term storage. You can also make a œstash can” by gluing several cds together and hollowing out the center
  5. For a backup storage spot, check out the underside of your couch to see if there is a sagging cloth that covers the framework (nowadays these often velcro off, but you may have to do a little surgery). You wi™ll be surprised how much room is under there and the frame will permit you to mount all sorts of fixtures for storage.
Where to start with these ... first off, if you have a teenage boy in the house, no cereal is off limits. You may as well wrap that handgun in a pretty bow and just hand it to him. Children also go into the freezer, unless you are a cold heartless bastard who never buys freezepops for your kids. My old grocery bags are used for picking up dog poop. I have a teenager. Who do you think is picking up the poo? It ain't me. Again, not exactly a clever hiding place. CDs and CD cases, again, with the thieves ... where in the hell do you live where thieves come into your house so often? You don't think your child is going to ever go into your CDs, even if they are old tech? My kid goes into my LPs and those are seriously old tech. Children are curious they will look at old things and try to figure out how they worked. Last but not least, hide the gun under the couch where the dog's ball never goes.

If you call yourself a responsible gun owner, and you use any of these hiding places, you are not a responsible gun owner. You are an accident waiting to happen. If your gun is not on your person then it should be locked up with the ammo stored in a different location.

What the NRA and gun manufacturers are doing is selling fear. They want you to be afraid so that you will purchase a firearm. It has gotten so bad that even knife manufacturers have picked up on this (the fear comes at 43 seconds in). For the truly paranoid, go to 57 seconds in for mention of the NSA Proof compass.

There is a line in the movie The Postman that goes, "Uh... Strangers ... I hate this. Do they want to share what they got or take what you got? Do you say 'hi' or do you blow them away?"

I don't want to live in a world, and I don't want my son to live in a world where you look at a stranger and wonder if you have to kill them.

Originally posted to Daily Kos on Sun Jun 01, 2014 at 10:54 AM PDT.

Also republished by Shut Down the NRA, Liberal G Club, moranbetterDemocrats, and Firearms Law and Policy.

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