Video and full transcript below the fold.CHRIS COX, NRA-ILA EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR (6/3/2014): The truth is, an alert went out that referred to this type of behavior as weird, or somehow not normal, and that was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. ... The truth is, and I'll be crystal clear, the National Rifle Association supports Open Carry.Wow. Everyone's scared of gun nuts, even other gun nuts! (audience laughter) Hehe, gun nuts.
According to the NRA's basic principles, you have a right to carry a weapon that may cause a reasonable person to believe they are in danger of great bodily injury. And they have a right, if they feel that way, to respond with deadly force. It's a perpetual violence machine. It's Gunfight at the Golden Corral.
Wait a minute! This isn't an argument about freedom at all, is it? This whole fucking thing's a business plan for arms dealers! Son of a bitch!
I want to begin with guns. This may be a bit of an uphill slog. Let's begin with guns, because this is America. And everything begins — and sometimes ends — with guns.Jordan Klepper and Michael Che then had another must-see tutorial segment about 2nd Amendment Manners Do's and Don'ts.
6/4/2014:(shocked audience laughter)
RYAN OWENS, ABC NEWS: Walking into a convenience store with a rifle, ordering a latte with a long gun. It's all part of a protest by the group Open Carry Texas. They advocate for gun rights with an in-your-face style that's perfectly legal in the Lone Star State.
KORY WATINS, OPEN CARRY TEXAS: I'm about to show you how to get a Slurpee with an AK-47.
"And then after that, a slightly used BMW with the car already running and the driver in it." (audience laughter)
Now obviously, this gentleman is not robbing the 7-11. By the way, obvious to us, in hindsight. (audience laughter) The point is, working the overnight at 7-11 isn't already shitty enough, that somewhere between emptying out whatever it is that coagulates under the rolling hot dog tray, and carding smokers, now you gotta deal with an AK-carrying, Constitutional absolutist, performance artist in a trillby — which is a hat that somehow combines the douchiest parts of a fedora and a pork pie. (massive audience cheering and applause)
It's a trillby. Anyway, this gun-splosion is happening at establishments all across the Lone Star State.MANUEL BOJORQUEZ, CBS NEWS (6/3/2014): Last month, a local chapter of the gun rights advocacy group Open Carry Texas tried to eat a meal at this Chili's while carrying their weapons.How did the patrons respond? They're at a Chili's, so obviously they're not that concerned about their health. (audience laughter) But are they prepared to deal with lethal threats that aren't smothered in cheese, pork, and ranch dressing? (audience laughter)
(turns to different camera) Porkchachos!
We shoved a wheel of Gouda up a pig's ass, fried it in mayonnaise, and dropped it off a roof into a compost heap of old potatoes. Porkchachos! Do ya feel lucky, punk? (audience laughter and applause)6/3/2014:(massive audience cheering and applause)
CHILI'S EMPLOYEE: We're happy to sit you and feed you, you just... you just have to leave your firearms outside.
MANUEL BOJORQUEZ, CBS NEWS: At least one patron became upset.
WOMAN FILMING OPEN CARRY NUTS: There's children here and you're a dumbass.
(whispers) I think she's into you. Git 'er digits!
The point is, these open carry demonstrations drew a lot of attention, including from the Open Carry Death Star itself, the NRA.MANUEL BOJORQUEZ, CBS NEWS (6/3/2014): The nation's most vocal gun advocacy group condemned the activists, saying, "Using guns merely to draw attention to yourself in public not only defies common sense, it shows a lack of consideration and manners."Once again, the NRA blindly defends... wait, what?? That sounded... vaguely reasonable. Will Open Carry listen?
MANUEL BOJORQUEZ, CBS NEWS (6/3/2014): On Monday, Open Carry Texas threatened to withdraw its support for the NRA, and to underscore that point, it posted a photo of an NRA membership card cut up.
(audience laughter turning to "oooohs")
Open Carry, I don't want to tell you how to do your business. But you're sitting on a bunker full of assault rifles, and you use scissors? (massive audience laughter and applause) Really? That's how you're going to do that? Shouldn't that NRA card have a hole through it somewhere?
Your sense of symbolism, please?
Well, you know what? Guess what, buddies? It doesn't matter if you Instagrammed your litter to the NRA, it's the NRA. They stand their ground.CHRIS COX, NRA-ILA EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR (6/3/2014): The truth is, an alert went out that referred to this type of behavior as weird, or somehow not normal, and that was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. ... The truth is, and I'll be crystal clear, the National Rifle Association supports Open Carry.Wow. Everyone's scared of gun nuts, even other gun nuts! (audience laughter) Hehe, gun nuts.
(uproarious audience laughter and applause)
Hahaha, they're funny. Gun nuts. They're funny. Gun nuts are funny. What if you got gun nuts for a new gun?
(shocked audience laughter)
Oh yeah, that's funny. And then as you get older, the gun.... What were we talking about? Oh!
You know, the one group that we haven't really heard from in this scenario are the people who witnessed these open carry demonstrations. How do they feel?WITNESS (5/13/2014): It scared me just seeing them out there. They have guns. I don't know if they know how to use it. I don't know if they have bad intentions.Well, you know what, that is a good point. You, as an Open Carry guy, may know you're a good guy with a gun. But members of the National Everybody Else Association may have no idea! It's kinda why the police wear uniforms. So they don't have to spend their entire day going, "EVERYBODY, IT'S OK!! I'M A GOOD GUY!! STOP RUNNING!!"
So when you go into these places open carrying, clearly other people feel threatened. What are they supposed to do?KORY WATINS, OPEN CARRY TEXAS (6/3/2014): People are going to be alarmed, and they're entitled to their own feelings.(nervous audience laughter)
And so we have arrived at our destination. Where the NRA has put us in somewhat of a quandary, a conundrum, a pickle. By the way, try the pickled conundrum at Chili's. They take all the Porkchachos you didn't eat, soak it in cheese brine, sedate you, and force feed the mixture through a catheter in your pee-hole. (shocked audience laughter) It's called the Devil's Appetizer, and it's $4.95. $4.95!!! (audience laughter) Arby's, you're off the hook. (massive audience cheering and applause)
The NRA... here's where we are. The NRA and the Open Carry folks support the right to carry weapons wherever you want. Even if those weapons are going to terrify everyone around you. Here's what else they support.WAYNE LaPIERRE (12/21/2012): The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.See where we are? We got a Mexican standoff here. Well, Tex-Mex, really. (audience laughter) We are at the intersection of Open Carry Road and Stand Your Ground Place. Here's where we are.
OPEN CARRY GUN NUT: This is legal. If you want to do this, you can. ... If you don't use your rights, you lose them.So what the fuck are we supposed to do now? According to the NRA's basic principles, you have a right to carry a weapon that may cause a reasonable person to believe they are in danger of great bodily injury. And they have a right, if they feel that way, to respond with deadly force. It's a perpetual violence machine. It's Gunfight at the Golden Corral.
JOY REID (6/3/2014): It scares people to see a bunch of guys with huge guns.
MARK O'MARA (7/7/2013): Stand Your Ground ... what that law says is that if you're acting in a reasonable belief of fear of great bodily injury or death ... that you're allowed to respond to that with deadly force.
WAYNE LaPIERRE (6/12/2012): This duty to retreat may sound fine in an Ivy League cocktail party; it doesn't work very well in the real world of crime victims.
Wait a minute! This isn't an argument about freedom at all, is it? This whole fucking thing's a business plan for arms dealers! Son of a bitch! We'll be right back.
Meanwhile, Stephen looked at the right-wing attacking Obama over Bowe Bergdahl's release.
He then had a Sport Report segment about some of Brazil's Olympic problems.
Stephen then covered Matt Drudge's latest Hillary Clinton conspiracy theory.