Since I rarely diary, this is a strange feeling. I want to ask for the help of the Daily Kos folks. I’m not even sure this is appropriate, so if it isn’t let me know and I’ll delete it.
Rest is below the orange doomaflagee
For the past 35 years, I have wanted to get a truck and trailer and travel. Work at ski resorts during the winter, national parks during the summer and travel spring and fall. Finally, I am able to do so. It took the death of my father at age 96 to finally get enough cash to do so. I’m not sure I should be so happy that he died and I am finally free to do what I want (and have some money with which to do it), but there it is.
I’m on SS, so careful spending should allow me to travel for a year or two (or maybe longer if my old, fat, tired, only slightly hurting body will allow). This brings me to why I need help from Kossacks.
Am I watching too much TV? Am I reading too much Daily Kos?
Strange questions, but to the point: I sometimes feel paralyzed by fear of the loony tunes out there in ‘Murka’. Mass shootings, evil, hatred, the horrible response to Bargdahl’s trade, etc. I get so afraid sometimes I feel like curling up into a ball and just waiting to die. I watched my mother do that for 30 years (from the date she retired at 65 until she died at 95) and swore I would NOT sit around waiting to die.
However, I admit I am a coward. I’m afraid – I’ve lived my whole life of 66 years in a holding pattern, hearing my parents voices (in my head): You’re going to hurt yourself. Stop and sit down. Don’t make a scene. Be quiet. Money is more important than having fun (from parents who lived through the Great Depression). Work is more important. Why are you taking a vacation? Are you going to lose your job if you take a week off? Men only want one thing. Pleasure is against the rules (our church – very conservative). No dancing, no movies, no circus (?), etc.
I’m afraid to live, but I’m afraid to die without experiencing as much as I can. I force myself to do things, to meet people, to interact, but I don’t reveal who or what I am or my experiences. I let others talk and I listen. It is difficult to connect with people when you are afraid of them. It also takes a great deal of will to force myself out into the world (a lot like dieting, I guess).
So what can Kossacks help me with? With all the crapola happening around the country, where can I go and remain relatively loony-tune free? Kossacks are all over the country and know their own areas. I’m planning on traveling/working in the West (Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico, Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Nevada, Washington, Oregon and California – my home state). I want to find a safe, quiet, inexpensive place to settle down and live out my life (without sitting around waiting to die).
Any and all suggestions will be gratefully received. My three cats and I will be starting this adventure in September. I’ve already got the trailer, an outdoor run for the cats, a truck and I’ve given notice where I currently live for the end of the month. From June until I leave I will be living in my trailer at a lovely resort on the river.
Then, I am undecided where to go, what to do and in what order. I want to see everything, do everything, go everywhere. I guess what I’m trying to say is “I want to live … finally.”