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THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH, MY GOAL IS MET! NO MORE DONATIONS! I will be able to go back to work on Wednesday, thanks to all of you. Thanks as well for all the wonderful, kind commenst, for lifting my spirits, for just hanging out with me today in my diary--because this morning I was in the spiritual basement for sure!


I'm sitting here alone in my little messy house freaking the hell out. I'm not sure what to do, where to turn: whom shall I annoy this time for a bit of desperately needed help? I'm unmarried and have no living family. My friends off-blog are barely scraping by themselves. I have a few well-heeled acquaintances (mostly ex-bosses) who have very generously helped me in the recent past, but I know I cannot ask again--it would be embarrassing for all concerned. My neighbors have been more than kind when I initially became unemployed, but I'm embarrassed to ask them for help now that I'm working. I've been asking myself all morning: do I dare bother dailykos again? It's a hell of a risk. I don't want you to hate me or think me a grifter. I'm not. I'm really not! I work, 45+ hours a week. I'm just in a terrible spot right now.

I'm on temporary (week-to-ten-days) medical leave and I have been since last Wed. It was sudden: you see, I've been suffering moderate to severe joint pain, virtually neck-to-toe, since January--the cause of which is presumed to be Rheumatoid Arthritis. In blood work (which I had done many months ago and paid for myself) it shows I have the rheumatoid factor--and while that's not perfectly conclusive, together with the visible symptoms--stiffness, bruising and swelling, added to the symmetrical regions of pain (it comes in pairs: both wrists, both knees, hips, feet, etc.), it's a near certainty, according to at least one Urgent Care doc, that RA is the culprit.

Last week the pain shot right off the charts into intolerable territory. Now, I've been waiting since this affliction began to be approved for (CA's answer to Medicaid) Medi-cal. The long and the short of it is that I have it now. I've actually had it for months, but somebody in the Medi-cal offices forgot to activate me and send out my card. This resulted in my having to work while in very serious pain for months and months--it wore me out.

I'm seeing a doctor tomorrow--not a Rheumy; I understand a referral to a Rheumatologist will require me to leap through several more hoops o' bureaucratic fire. The guy (or gal; it's a medical clinic I've never been to before and the appointment was made for me by a Navigator/social worker who works part time in a portable office in the parking lot of a nearby Emergency Room whose triage team actually refused to let me be seen; I'll tell that story later) ... the doc I'm seeing tomorrow is a GP. S/he will probably prescribe a prescription NSAID (think Celebrex, a far stronger pain reliever than the OTC ibuprofen I have been taking). It's unlikely that s/he will prescribe a (highly effective, black box) DMARD (like methotrexate) or one of the newer biologics (like Humira, also black box) preferring, understandably I suppose, to let a Rheumatologist make that call. So it is more than likely that I will leave the doctor's office tomorrow with nothing more than an RX for a powerful NSAID (something like Celebrex if not Celebrex itself; gosh knows what Medi-cal will cover), but that's my ticket back to work, so it's no small potatoes. If it works--and there's no reason it shouldn't--I will be able to go back to work right away, the very next day. I gather my boss is amenable to that. But there's a problem:

I need $30 to get my cell phone back in service. This is crucial because, somehow or other, the Medi-cal Navigator not only made the doctor's appointment for me but she insisted on getting me hooked up with a ride (I have a car, but whatever--it's true it can be hard to drive sometimes and I was in terrible shape that particular day). And so, sometime before my appointment time tomorrow--10:15 am--somebody I presume from a medical van service will be arriving at my home. The trouble is that I don't know and don't believe I was told exactly when. I have a phone number (and they, apparently, will have been given mine: but they cannot reach me) and I'd like to be able to call them and verify. I mean, it seems to me for something this crucial--finally seeing a doctor after all this suffering--I should be in a position to communicate with the party that's taking me there. Otherwise it just seems like I'm asking for mishap, you know? What if the van doesn't show?

I also need $25 to buy some gas; that will get me about a half tank which will if I'm careful should last through until Friday (payday). Another $30 is needed for dog and cat food, coffee (yeah, I'm all out & well into headachy withdrawals) and a few unmentionables I need at the drugstore.  With that, I should be good to go.

So, what do we have here: I need $85 to get myself back to work on Wednesday. I don't

My funny little dog
think there's anybody else I can turn to for help with this besides you all. I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry! For nine months I've been working as a caregiver (to elderly folks and special needs kids) 6 days a week for $9.50 hr., and because I got massively, atrociously behind during my period of unemployment, I owe everybody left and right. I shave it so very close every month, I literally almost cannot afford to keep my car on the road AND eat AND have electricity in the house. (I make just a little bit too much to qualify for food stamps, though.)

This Friday is a payday, but due to a few absences (just before my pain crisis and the trip to the ER last Wednesday which precipitated my being placed on [justified] leave), the check will be slim--and the god's truth is that I don't want to have to wait until next Monday, June 16th, to go back to work. I can't afford it.

If you believe I'm telling the truth, am not scamming you, and most of all can afford it yourself--would you mind contributing just a little bit to my little effort here? If I don't work I starve and my house goes dark and I'll have to give my beloved dog--my Frances--away because I won't be able to afford to feed her either, and when I'm down like I am today she's truly my only solace. Losing her is an agony to hideous to contemplate. Yes it's true $85 won't solve all my problems. But I have initiated communication with both HEAP ((low income help with the SMUD bill--restrictions apply so we shall see) and (by email) the Salvation Army to help me with paying my other bills when in two weeks I get a paycheck that, because of my having been on leave, might amount to a scant $50. But honestly, I'll cross that bridge (without asking you all to cross it with me I promise) when I come to it. For now am simply asking you to help me get into a position where I can call work and say: Hi, it's aitchdee: put me back on the schedule for Wednesday.

Sorry about the ineloquence, but I beg you to understand, emotionally I'm a bit of a mess (it's worry: worry worry worry) and my achy, clicky fingers and wrists won't let me type another word for the moment.

Originally posted to aitchdee on Mon Jun 09, 2014 at 01:20 PM PDT.

Also republished by Community Fundraisers.

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