Video and full transcript below the fold.STEVE DOOCY (6/4/2014): It's curious, at one point, his father told him just before he went missing, he said, "Obey your conscience." Which kinda sounds to some as if, "Yeah, whatever you want to do, go ahead."Yeah, sure, no, no, no, no. It sounds that way to some, you know, specifically people who don't know what a conscience is. Because, you know, if someone says like, "listen to your conscience", they're not saying "do whatever you want". Your conscience is the opposite of the thing that tells you to do whatever you want to do. Do you understand what I'm saying? Your id is the thing that enables your darkest impulses. Your id. Think of it like the Fox News of your brain. (audience laughter and applause)
It's been over a week since the Obama administration got Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl released from nearly five years in a Taliban prison after being captured while away without leave from his base in Afghanistan. So what really happened that night? What was he up to?Jason Jones and Jessica Williams then explained what the proper way was to bring a hostage home.
DAVID ROHDE (6/8/2014): It's really important to sort of wait and get the facts here.Yeah, no, we could do that. Yeah, we could do that. Or....
ANDERSON COOPER (6/6/2014): We would all be best served to know all the facts before we judge.
BILL O'REILLY (6/6/2014): What we do know is that he was a deserter.(shocked audience laughter)
FOX NEWS GUEST (6/2/2014): Looks to me like a deserter or a traitor or both.
MONICA CROWLEY (6/6/2014): Looks like he has turned.
SEAN HANNITY (6/5/2014): Converted to Islam.
STEVE DOOCY (6/5/2014): Collaborated with his enemies.
HEATHER CHILDERS (6/6/2014): Declared jihad.
BRIAN KILMEADE (6/3/2014): Flat out anti-American.
JAMES ROSEN (6/6/2014): In some respects, is a kind of modern day Lee Harvey Oswald.
Hey, in just a few days, this guy Bowe Bergdahl went from guy who left base without permission to Muslim terrorist Kennedy assassin!
That is actually not a bad look for Oswald.
That remarkably fast transformation is the subject of tonight's Operation Deserter storm: Home Is Where the Hate Is. Of course, the story of Bergdahl's traitorous terror conversion wouldn't be as credible if his father was not a high-ranking Taliban official.
AINSLEY EARHARDT (6/4/2014): Many are wondering about Bowe Bergdahl's dad's beard, noting a strong and eerie resemblance to the beards that are worn by the Taliban.(groaning audience laughter)
I don't know if I'd say "strong and eerie". It's a beard. It doesn't mean he looks like a Muslim.BILL O'REILLY (6/4/2014): He absolutely looks like a Muslim.(groaning audience laughter)
Really? Because I don't know, man. I get more of an Amish vibe off of that. Russian Orthodox. Or any of a thousand other religions where people have beards, or a Red Sock. Aside from the beard, do you have any specific reason for saying he looks Muslim?BILL O'REILLY (6/4/2014): The reason I said that Robert Bergdahl looked like a Muslim is that he looks like a Muslim.(audience laughter and applause)
Muslim because he looks like a Muslim. OK, I can't really argue with that logic, because it's impenetrable. But you do know, obviously, not all Muslims have beards. And not all people with beards are Muslims. It's the reason we call this the Abraham Lincoln Memorial, and not the Holy Shrine of the Blessed Imam Ibrahim Linc'on.
Because, really, if you're looking for bearded guys who killed a lot of Americans.... (points at Lincoln to audience laughter) Tons. By the way, Bergdahl's father's worse than being Muslim looking. He's Muslim looking and an enabler.STEVE DOOCY (6/4/2014): It's curious, at one point, his father told him just before he went missing, he said, "Obey your conscience." Which kinda sounds to some as if, "Yeah, whatever you want to do, go ahead."Yeah, sure, no, no, no, no. It sounds that way to some, you know, specifically people who don't know what a conscience is. Because, you know, if someone says like, "listen to your conscience", they're not saying "do whatever you want". Your conscience is the opposite of the thing that tells you to do whatever you want to do. Do you understand what I'm saying? Your id is the thing that enables your darkest impulses. Your id. Think of it like the Fox News of your brain. (audience laughter and applause)
JIMINY CRICKET: ♫ Let your conscience be your guide.
JON STEWART: Oh God, all right, I knew this was going to be here. Hey, what's up?
JIMINY CRICKET: Hi there, Jon! Say, can I ask you a question?
JON STEWART: Sure, Jiminy, ask away.
JIMINY CRICKET: Why do you still watch these assholes?
JON STEWART: I don't know.
JIMINY CRICKET: You think they're going to change? I mean, at this point, your obsession says as much about you as it does about them! What, do you have some anger fetish? You gotta stop ingesting their poison.
JON STEWART: Yeah, I know, Jiminy, you're right. I'm sorry.
JIMINY CRICKET: All right! I'm going to go jerk off with a noose around my neck so I can pass out when I cum.
JON STEWART: What?
JIMINY CRICKET: I mean... counsel a wooden boy. (whistles as he walks off)
(audience laughter and applause)
Wow, I can't believe how badly my conscience needs a conscience. You know, but perhaps Fox is right to be worried about Bergdahl's dad. After all, when he was invited to the White House, he did say something strange.BOB BERGDAHL (5/31/2014): I'd like to say to Bowe right now, who's having trouble speaking English, Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim.Oh no you did not! What was that part there, buddy boy? Can we get a translation on that?
BRIGITTE GABRIEL (6/5/2014): Every time Muslims conquered a place or a location, they would stand and read the "Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim", basically declaring the greatness of Allah over that land. So what the father of Bergdahl did, did exactly that, which the Taliban and the Islamist radicals all throughout the world will perceive as a victory ... standing on the steps of the White House.Holy shit! While we were focused on Bowe Bergdahl, his father cast some kind of Muslim Harry Potter curse and conquered the White House! White House Down! Olympus Has Fallen! Fancy House Is in the Toilet!
Yeah, that one hasn't been made yet. Although that would be a good one.
And the President's reaction to Bergdahl's verbal conquest of America did not go unnoticed.SEAN HANNITY (6/4/2014): And the President, you can see the President smiling there as he says it.Yes. Yes, Sean Hannity. That's the President of the United States, smiling, as his comrade delivers the Muslim war conquer call in the Rose Garden, thus handing control of the United States of America to radical Islam. Is that what you were trying to say? I just want to make sure I'm receiving the full subtext of your boobery.
We all know if Bush was still in the office, the Muslim conqueror victory call would never have been delivered in.... (listens to earpiece) I'm sorry, really? OK, go.9/22/2006:
GEORGE W. BUSH: Welcome.
GEN. PERVEZ MUSHARRAF: Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim.IMAM YUSUF SALEEM (9/17/2001): Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim.(wild audience cheering and applause)
IMAM TALAL EID (10/16/2006): Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim.
HAMID KARZAI (6/15/2004): Thank you for the great honor. Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim.
IYAD ALLAWI (9/23/2004): Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim.
QUEEN: Bismillah! No, we will not let you go! Let him go!
♫ Mama Muslim! Mama Muslim! Mama Muslim! Let him go! (coughs)
(audience laughter and applause)
So it turns out that that's less a conquering war cry, than one of your standard offering of blessings. By the way, all this conversation about the deal we did for Bergdahl is only out of concern for America's safety.SEN. LINDSEY GRAHAM, R-SC (6/8/2014): We've let loose five Taliban hardened killers.Yeah, you know what, I guess that could be. We could have attacks on American soil. But now that they're out, the Islamic extremist threat is boundless. They could wreak havoc at any moment, at any place, shouting for revolution while attacking Americans.
FOX NEWS GUEST (6/2/2014): The Taliban are going to be right back there, and America's going to be in the bulls-eye.
FOX NEWS GUEST (6/6/2014): This is a great danger to American national security. Not just in kidnapped Americans, but in attacks on American soil.
6/9/2014:Oh. Well. Don't worry about that. (nervous audience laughter) Because we just need to protect this country from terrorists... with beards. We'll be right back.
HEATHER NAUERT: On that deadly Las Vegas shooting over the weekend, a married couple yelling, "This is a revolution!" as they gunned down two policemen at a pizza place.
NEWS REPORT: The two claimed to have been involved in the standoff at Cliven Bundy's ranch.
Meanwhile, Stephen covered Arizona Republican Scott Fistler, who changed his name to Cesar Chavez and became a Democrat in order to try and win in a heavily Latino district.
He then also looked at Fox News's treatment of the Bergdahl family.
He then noted that Vincent van Gogh's ear has been regenerated with his descendant's DNA and put on display in a museum.