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My buddy said ice cream sandwiches aren’t real sandwiches, and now I have to spend the rest of our lives pretending he’s not dead to me.

The other day I heard a little boy call his mom "mother," as if both had already accepted the fact that he'd become a serial killer some day.

I made a  6x8in card with “4 out of 10" printed on it. I flash it at strangers and leave them forever wondering how they could’ve scored better.

"Dad, did you adopt me?"
Of course not
"Okay nice"
We stole you
"What?"
From a hospital nursery
"Stole..."
You gonna finish that burrito?

High-five a garbage man today! They're disposing of the evidence for you!

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With every breath, you are one step closer to your goal. And your grave.

8%3 votes
26%9 votes
29%10 votes
35%12 votes

| 34 votes | Vote | Results

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