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A Marching They Will Go

The symbolism will likely be lost on our noble opposition in the LGBT-rights arena, but it's still fun to note that, while pro-equality pride marches are happening in hundreds of cities this month (and all summer long for that matter), the "traditional marriage" forces are staging exactly one. Tomorrow NOM's "March for Marriage"---starring The Huckster and grifters a'plenty---will take place in that bastion of traditional family values and heartland morals known, Washington DC. In the interest of keeping things safe and smooth-running, C&J offers some tips for the happy marchers:

Sign seen at National Organization for Marriage rally held in July 2010 in Indianapolis, Indiana.
Probably a good idea to leave
this sign at home, kids.
Apparel It's going to be hot and humid, so be sure to dress from head to toe in black wool. As our nation's finest climate-change deniers know, black reflects the sun's rays and sends them back into the atmosphere. Also, wear comfortable stilettos---four-inch heels minimum, but no more than six.

Water No messing around here. Bottled water is essential. It'll keep you hydrated and, more important, you'll need it to add a civilized splash to the whiskey in your ankle flask.

Signage Bible passages are an excellent way to communicate the sanctity of one-man-one-woman marriage. But be careful about referencing the ones that promote brides as property, or the joys of polygamy, or the various wifely infractions that can result in stoning.

Chants As important as it is to be seen, it's equally important to be heard. And nothing gets you
heard better than a good strong chant. Try these on for size:

"Hey hey! Ho ho! Traditional marriage is the union of one man and one woman in the bonds of holy matrimony-oh!"

"Ho ho! Hey hey! How many radical activist judges have flushed our traditional values down the drain because Obama brainwashed them into turning their backs on America today?"

"One two three four, who knows what we're fighting for? The Gipper! Yeah yeah! The Gipper! Yeah yeah!"

"Whadda we want?" "Out of these black wool clothes!" "When do we want it?" "Now!"

Be creative. A memorable chant can swell your ranks.

Marching Pretty simple, really. It's kick…and swish…kick…and swish. But do it sternly. After all, you're fighting for a righteous cause: preventing all the terrible things that never happen when gay people get married.

Other than that, get plenty of sleep tonight and have fun tomorrow. All two dozen of you.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Note: What's better than summer in Maine?  A summer Kossack meetup in Maine!  If you'll be in the vicinity of the western part of the state on Saturday, July 12, Kossack Mayim invites you to her cabin on the lake.  For more info (with pics) or to RSVP, click here or email her at killearnan[at]  Michael and I will be there with bells water wings on.  Hope to see you there!

Malad Valley Welsh Festival  sign  malad City, idaho
9 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the midterm elections: 139
Days 'til the Malad Valley Welsh Festival in Malad City, Idaho: 9
Hours of film shot for the upcoming HBO documentary The Case Against Prop 8, which airs June 23: 600
Percent of teens who "smoked a cigarette in the past month" in 1991 and 2013, respectively: 27%, 16%
Percent of teens who "smoked marijuana in the past month" in 1991 and 2013, respectively: 15%, 23%
(Source: Biannual CDC study)
Congress's job approval in midterm years '94, '98, '02, '06, '10 and now: 22%, 44%, 50%, 26%, 21%, 16%
(Source: Gallup)
Minimum number of Americans who visited a travel web site in April: 40 million
(Source: Nielsen)

World Cup Soccuh
Belgium 2  Algeria 1
Russia 1  South Korea 1
Brazil 0  Mexico 0


Mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (including 5 volcanoes and 1 floatie pootie).  Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.


Puppy Pic of the Day:  Groupies


CHEERS to inconvenient truths.  Acting with lightning speed amid logistics that would make General Patton blush, President Obama supervised the capture of the suspected "ringleader" behind the Benghazi attacks.  And this could hardly be a more satisfying FU to Darrell Issa and the Fox News pearl-clutchers:

Ahmed Abu Khatallah, the suspect captured by U.S. special forces on Tuesday for his role in the 2012 Benghazi attack, reportedly said he was motivated in part by the anti-Islam online video made in America, according to the New York Times.

"What he did in the period just before the attack has remained unclear. But Mr. Abu Khattala told other Libyans in private conversations during the night of the attack that he was moved to attack the diplomatic mission to take revenge for an insult to Islam in an American-made online video," Times reporter David Kirkpatrick wrote in a story on Khattala on Tuesday.

And suddenly I am very happy that Nancy Pelosi decided to fully staff evil Howdy Gowdy's "select committee" dog and pony show with Democrats.  I believe they might have an entertaining comment or two to contribute.

CHEERS to judicial activityism.  Thanks to long-overdue filibuster reform (and shame on Republicans for their childish obstruction that made it necessary), the Senate is actually staffing court benches again.  You can read about the three new kids here.  And then check out this optimistic tidbit from the Alliance for Justice:

Committee Chairman Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) (R) and ranking member Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL) (L) preside over the second day of U.S. Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan's confirmation hearings in front of the Senate Judiciary Commitee on Capitol Hill in
Tear up the "blue slips," Leahy,
and open the nominee floodgates.
Bold action by Senate Democrats has reduced the number of judicial vacancies to a five-year low, according to a new report from Alliance for Justice.  … “Senate Democrats, led by Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., have responded boldly to mindless obstruction, making judicial confirmations a top priority on the Senate floor,” according to the report.  “Senate Democrats have made clear that they will protect democratic process in the Senate, and that obstruction and gridlock cannot be the ‘new norm’ for judicial nominees.”
Not that it's all rosy (Obama still lags behind Bush and Clinton in judicial backlogs…golly, I wonder why), but it's improvement.  To celebrate, today in the C&J gift shop all powdered wigs are half-off.

CHEERS to Ride's ride.  Thirty-one years ago today, strapped inside the Space Shuttle Challenger, Sally Ride became the first American woman in space.  (The first woman in space from any country was Russia's Valentina Tereshkova in 1963---boy, did we get scooped on that.)  The flight was momentarily delayed when she made the men on the crew pick up their old Chinese take-out boxes and dirty underwear.  Even worse, she hid the remote and flushed the porn.  Now, that's just cruel.

CHEERS to joining the family.  Three candidates are running for governor in Maine: current occupant Teapublican Paul LePage, mysterious and floundering independent spoiler Eliot Cutler, and Democrat Mike Michaud (pr: MEE-shoo).  Monday the latter got a valuable endorsement:

Maine gubernatorial candidate Mike Michaud with members of Planned Parenthood PAC during their endorsement of his candidacy.
Planned Parenthood’s political action committee on Monday announced it is supporting U.S. Rep. Mike Michaud for governor.

“Gov. LePage has turned his back on thousands of uninsured Mainers and cut critical funding for family planning services, family planning services that I fought for when I was in the state Senate. As governor, I will not tolerate such attacks,” Michaud said in a written statement. “I will unequivocally support and protect a woman’s right to make her own personal private medical decisions." [...]

LePage opposes abortion and successfully eliminated $400,000 in grant funding for the Family Planning Association of Maine in 2012. That represented 25 percent of the group’s state funding, forcing it to close two clinics and reduce the hours and services at others, according to Kate Brogan, the group’s spokeswoman.

The PAC has ten thousand members, which ain't chump change when it comes to volunteers and funding.  Meanwhile, LePage has gone in the other direction, suddenly and without legal consultation cutting off funding for undocumented immigrants here, including "refugees, visa holders, asylum applicants and people who had been granted asylum."  Michaud's pledge to fund and support women's issues says a lot about his supporters.  LePage's cold-hearted embrace of the chopping block says a lot about his.

Susan B. Anthony dollar coin
JEERS to tales from America's dark ages. A reminder that we used to be, in certain ways, as backward as any nation that ever was.  On this date in 1873, Susan B. Anthony was fined a hundred bucks for the unpardonable offense The dustup led to immediate outrage and reform.  Unfortunately, in those days "immediate" meant waiting another 50 years before doing anything about it.  By the way, she never paid the fine.  Her heirs now owe the fed, with interest---[clackity clackity clack clack clackity clack]---eight million dollars.  But please not the Susan B. Anthony ones---to this day we still confuse 'em with quarters.

CHEERS to your unintentional vice presidential pun of the day.  Joe Biden reacting to the U.S. win over Ghana at the World Cup Monday:

"This is a kick, man!"
This has been your unintentional vice presidential pun of the day.

CHEERS to Babes on the Bench.  Thirty-three years ago today, Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart retired and was replaced by the first female justice, Sandra Day O'Connor.  Rehnquist and the Boys were pissed---they had to start wearing pants.


Five years ago in C&J: June 18, 2009

CHEERS to the 'Tweet Revolution.'  Someone on my teevee yesterday said it well: that the 140-character-or-less Twitter messages pouring out of Iran paint a picture of the unfolding events there with the precision and urgency of military dispatches from the front lines.  It's just the facts, ma'am, and highly effective for documenting the atrocities, coordinating flash mobs, warning each other of possible police traps, finding each other in the crowd, keeping the outside world captivated, bucking each other up, outfoxing the militia, and ordering pizza on the fly.  Twitter has become so vital to keeping the lines of communication open that the State Department asked them to postpone going temporarily dark for scheduled maintenance.  It probably won't destroy the mighty mullah machine this time.  But it's definitely helping reformers throw some badly needed sand in the gears for next time, and showing the world that Iran doesn’t consist only of wild-eyed fanatics bent on destroying the world.  I don’t know who's more bummed out about that: the Iranian dictators...or the American neocons.


And just one more…

CHEERS to keeping your word…in song!  I honestly have no idea how New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio is doing in his job, but the latest polling shows he's well into net-positive territory.  Seems like a nice guy to me with a goofy-cool streak in him, as evidenced by the way he made good on a losing Stanley Cup bet by warbling I love L.A. on Jimmy Kimmel Live:

Very nice.  But somehow I don’t think Randy Newman's job is in jeopardy.

Have a nice Wednesday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

Jason Momoa Will Reportedly Play Aquaman in Batman v. Bill in Portland Maine: Dawn of Cheers and Jeers


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