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Monday Carlin

Six years ago we got the news that George Carlin had died at 71. Seems appropriate to remember him with some of his zingers, many of which bit hard:

Viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, the e-coli bacteria, the crabs...nothing sacred about those things. So, at best, the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. We get to choose which forms of life we feel are sacred, and we get to kill the rest. Pretty neat deal, huh?
Working-class people "look for work." Middle-class people "try to get a job." Upper-middle-class people "seek employment."
If crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

George Carlin on stage
Gone. Hardly forgotten.
I distinguish between maniacs and crazy people. A maniac will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo. A crazy person will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo, but he'll be wearing a Bugs Bunny suit at the time.
I saw a picture of the inventor of the hydrogen bomb, Edwin Teller, wearing a tie clip. Why would the man who invented a bomb that destroys everything for fifty miles be concerned about whether or not his tie was straight?
The Bible: America's favorite national theatrical prop.
They debated the NAFTA trade bill for a long time. Should we sign it or not? Either way, the people get fucked. Trade always exists for the traders. Anytime you hear businessmen debating "which policy is better for America," don’t bend over.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Oh, and it never hurts to revisit his decidedly un-work-friendly thoughts about those 7 famous words. I mentioned they're not work-friendly, right?

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, June 23, 2014

Note: I have never been struck by lightning, shoes or fists.  I have, however, been struck by pudding, dog toys and bad judgment.


Kutztown Folk Festival logo Pennsylvania
5 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til primary day in CO, MD, UT, NY, OK, and runoffs in SC and MS: 1
Days 'til the 65th annual Kutztown Folk Festival in Pennsylvania: 5
Increase in the index of leading economic indicators in May: 0.5%
(Source: The Conference Board)
Minimum wage passed in Massachusetts last week, the highest of any state: $11/hr.
Rank of Louisiana, Maine and Rhode Island among states with the highest rate of gun deaths: #1, #30, #50
(Source: Violence Policy Center report)
Number of states in which unemployment fell last month, led by Illinois and Massachusetts: 20
(Source: Labor Dept.)
Visitors to Maine's Acadia National Park last year: 2.25 million

World Cup Soccuh
USA 2 Portugal 2  
Belgium 1  Russia 0 (Ha Ha!)
Algeria 4  South Korea 2


NEW! Your Monday Michigan Moment

Brought to you by the 2014 Netroots Nation Convention in Detroit, July 17-20.  More Michiganspeak tips, courtesy of Annie B:

Using hands to demonstrate the shape of Michigan.
The Michigan map you
always carry with you.
• If you are from Michigan, you are a Michigander.
• Vernors is real ginger ale. I don't know what that vague, watery stuff Canada Dry sells is, but it's not ginger ale.
• If you inhale at the wrong time when drinking Vernors your sinuses will be cleaned out better than they have been in your life.
• A Boston Cooler is Vernors and ice cream. Don't bother trying this with anything but Vernors.
• Suburbs south of Detroit are called Downriver, for obvious reasons.
• Mackinac is pronounced 'Mack-in-aw.'  If you pronounce it 'Mack-in-ak' you will be deafened by hundreds of Michiganders yelling "MACK-IN-AW!"
And she adds: "And the trees are all the right height."


Puppy Pic of the Day: Kern (CA) Fire Dept. encounters the worst dog collar evuh


Participants on the 2014 Portland Maine Pride Parade June 21, 2014 from the PFLAG group.
PFLAG marchers.
CHEERS to swishing toward Gomorrah.  As usual, God hates LGBT people so much that we were once again cursed with sunshine, temps in the low 70s, and a gentle breeze for the annual Pride Parade in Portland, Maine Saturday.  Attendance in our little fishing village was roughly three times as high as the crowd the right-wingers gathered together from all corners of the country for last Thursday's NOM-sponsored hatefest in DC.  The parade route was packed as nearly 50 groups and our next Governor, Grand Marshal Mike Michaud, passed by the shoulder-to-shoulder crowd.  And this year there was even a sign that the old folks are starting to come around:
[R]esidents from Piper Shores, a retirement community in Scarborough, joined the march for the first time. Some of the seniors rode in the community’s shuttle bus, but a handful walked the 1½-mile length of the parade.  Betty Livingston, 94, who marched the entire route, was greeted by loud cheers from spectators all along the way.  “We’re here to support diversity and tolerance,” said Livingston, a retired social worker.
As we always do, Michael and I marched with the local chapter of PFLAG, and you can check out their pics here.  Oh, and for other pride march organizers out there, we found an effective way to keep the loudmouth protesters from ruining things.  Toss 'em some Tootsie Rolls.

JEERS to evil doings by evil doers.  If you're wondering why everything went dark yesterday morning around 9, that was due to Dick Cheney's appearance on ABC's This Week…a phenomenon we call a "total Dicklipse."  To nobody's surprise, he opened his mouth and evil bullshit popped out:

The word
“The scope of the problem in part is based upon the unwillingness of the president to recognize we have a problem. They’re still living back in the day when they claimed, ‘We got bin Laden, terrorist problem solved.’ That wasn’t true then, it’s even less true today.”
Yes.  Let's go back to the night President Obama announced bin Laden was dead and relive his "terrorist problem solved" moment:
The word
"[H]is death does not mark the end of our effort.  There’s no doubt that al Qaeda will continue to pursue attacks against us.  We must---and we will---remain vigilant at home and abroad. …

The cause of securing our country is not complete."

But it sure as hell was Cheney's boss, George W. Bush, who stood under a "Problem Solved" "Mission Accomplished" banner 11 years ago as he took an aircraft carrier on a victory lap after conquering a country that had nothing to do with a horrific terrorist attack that happened on his watch, the likes of which have not happened on Obama's.  And that, kids, is why we drink on Sunday morning.

CHEERS to Things That Go Clackety-Clack for $200, Alex.  On June 23, 1868, Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for his "Type-writer," the first to have the famous QWERTY sequence on its upper keys.  Today bloggers who can't think of anything for their subject line typically go south for the edgier and more mysterious "asdf."  And the day someone decides to drop down to "zxcv"?  Anarchy, I tell you.

CHEERS to finding common ground.  Last Friday New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said that he has complete faith in Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but I completely agree with Christie.  I have complete faith in Governor Scott Walker, too.  As in, complete faith that he's finished.  Group hug?

The sun baby from the PBS show Teletubbies
JEERS to Mother Nature's headgames.  Summer arrived on schedule at 6-something in the morning Saturday.  It was all quiet at Stonehenge (or as quiet as 37,000 dedicated stone watchers can be, which I imagine is pretty quiet because what could you possibly say about rock watching beyond, "I watch stones?") except for 25 arrests for controlled-substance-related infractions and some drunk from Alabama who kept losing his place while singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.  So first the good news: last weekend was the longest weekend of the year.  The bad news: next weekend isn't.  Thanks a ton, cosmos.

CHEERS to 1-900-CLARENCETHOMAS.  Twenty years ago today, the Supreme Court refused to shut down the dial-a-porn industry.  The justices in the majority were easy to predict: they were the ones with one ear bigger than the other.

P.S.  Today is Clarence Thomas's 66th birthday.  Feel free to add a third 6 if the spirit moves you.


Five years ago in C&J: June 23, 2009

JEERS to blowing another circuit on my spellchecker.  Pat Buchanan hosted an event over the weekend to try and figure out how to rub the taint off the Republican brand.  He and his cohorts spoke at a lectern under a banner that read: 2009 National Conferenece.  Which is especially funny when you consider they were trying to spell "Hootenanny."


And just one more…

CHEERS to must-see TV.  One of the most eagerly-awaited films of the year gets its small-screen debut tonight.  Some 600 hours of footage was shot for The Case Against 8, which documents the legal effort to overturn the California voter referendum repealing the state's gay-marriage law.  Alan Scherstuhl at The Village Voice  calls it

The Case Against 8 poster  June 2014
…the best kind of popular history, a film that trembles with tears and hope, and I dare you to get through it without bawling some yourself. … Expect to spend more time relishing the courage of the plaintiffs, two sunny and charismatic California couples, than pondering the Equal Protection Clause or the issues of standing that the case ultimately turns on.

That's no betrayal of the wrangling of the plaintiffs' ace legal team, headed up by the strangest of bedfellows, David Boies and Ted Olson, the attorney avatars of, respectively, blue and red America, who squared off before the Supreme Court on no less a case than Bush v. Gore.

And SF Weekly says, "Filmmakers Ben Cotner and Ryan White weave a tale so intense it becomes a nail-biting suspense thriller, even though most viewers already know the outcome."  Yeah: really short nails.

Have a tolerable Monday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

The Republican Fix For Bill in Portland Maine: Put A Crib In Cheers and Jeers
---Think Progress


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