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Image of truck billowing smoke. Caption: 'Oh, your an environmentalist? Listen to the sound of my people'
You brave, brave sub-literate man.
The devolution of red-state culture into the comical and rudderless "whatever them liberals are for, we're aginnit" continues apace. Now we hear about an entire subculture of pickup truck owners devoted to intentionally polluting in order to stick it to the man. It's called "rollin' coal," and costs a bloody fortune to even pull off so you've got to be committed to the bit.
Today kids will spend anywhere from $1,000 to $5,000 modifying their pickups for this sole purpose; adding smoke stacks and smoke switches (which trick the engine into thinking it needs more gas), or even revamping the entire fuel system.

Kids make a point of blowing smoke back at pedestrians, in addition to cop cars and rice burners (Japanese-made sedans), which can make it dangerously difficult to see out of the windshield. Diesel soot can also be a great road rage weapon should some wimpy looking Honda Civic ever piss you off. “If someone makes you mad, you can just roll coal, and it makes you feel better sometimes,” says Ryan, a high school senior who works at the diesel garage with Robbie. “The other day I did it to this kid who was driving a Mustang with his windows down, and it was awesome.” [...]

The ultimate highway enemy, however, are “nature nuffies,” or people who drive hybrid cars, because apparently, pro-earth sentiment is an offense to the diesel-trucking lifestyle. “The feeling around here is that everyone who drives a small car is a liberal,” says Ryan. “I rolled coal on a Prius once just because they were tailing me.”

I was not aware of this. The truck subculture, sure, but the special advanced equipment needed in order to most effectively billow toxic smoke at random passersby, now that's a new one. You've got to be a little impressed.

That said, these have got to be among the stupidest people in the world; when you're spending $5,000 in order to billow clouds of smoke at the other drivers, you have officially run out of all other hobby ideas. There's got to be a way to harness this energy. Think, people, think! Here's an entire subculture of people who will do the opposite of what anyone they perceive to be "a liberal" wants, even if it costs them a lot of money and is probably giving them twenty different cancers at once. They would do anything in order to stick it to the liberals—so what can we say we don't want them to do?

With a little bit of work we could invent the next new conservative "stickin' it to the man" trend, one that they'd spend big bucks on because they thought we were going to wither and die just thinking about it. But what?

Originally posted to Hunter on Fri Jun 27, 2014 at 10:55 AM PDT.

Also republished by Daily Kos.

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