After a year of being in the States because of autoimmune issues, I’m finally going home to my adopted country of the last 15 years, South Africa. I want to thank the DKos community for being my lifeline, both when I was far away and homesickness and autoimmune issues started to take over and for the last year when, removed from my life and my children, my world became pitifully small. This community kept me engaged, kept me active when my brain was willing but my body wasn’t able to do much, and made me feel like I still had something worthwhile to contribute. This community, its passion, its activism and its caring saved me and kept me alive.
Being an expat isn’t an easy choice. Particularly when the adopted country is so far away. You become the perpetual outsider. In your new country and in the one that you consider your homeland. Wherever you are, you miss the loved ones on the other side and worry about how long it will take to get to them should an emergency arise.
I wouldn’t have chosen to be an expat in just any country. I didn’t mean to fall in love with South Africa or Africa in general but it happened and I, quite frankly, couldn’t imagine living out my life anywhere else. After being resident for six months, I had to go to a meeting in the UK. As the plane took off, it felt like my soul was being ripped from its tether. I didn’t expect it. It was genuinely painful. I cried as I watched the landscape grow smaller even though I knew I would be back in a week. I felt foolish but knew what I was feeling was real.
In the time since, I’ve built a beautiful family that I never expected to have. My understanding of my place in the world fundamentally changed. And even during the most difficult times, I have experienced true grace.
Part of breaking the boundaries of the small world I have been forced to live over the last year is music. Music I couldn’t let myself listen to over the last year because it was too painful. Music that I am free again to enjoy.
A little of what I am listening to below the Mark of the GOS.
First, a little American bluegrass. Something that sings to me no matter where I am in the world and speaks to both my home in Africa and my roots in the States. The Nashville Bluegrass Band has traveled with me through many countries but I remember them most for our travels through Namibia's Kaokoveld.
Next, my absolute favorite song: Shosholoza. I love it so much that multiple versions are on my Ipod. My youngest son doesn't get why I love this song so much. He prefers Top 40.
The diminutive Brenda Fassie is a perennial favorite. Drugs claimed her far too young.
My favorite lullaby ... but not my favorite version. My favorite version is done by a gospel choir that used to sing every Saturday morning on St. George's Mall in Cape Town. I'd get up early and walk down to close my eyes and just listen. If I can ever figure out how to get a song off a cassette into digital format, I will listen to their version endlessly.
The great Miriam Makeba!! This song is a Xhosa song, my children's native language is Xhosa. I've tried to learn it over the years but struggle with the clicks. I'll never forget one of my native Xhosa speaking children telling me that I shouldn't bother learning individual words and should just focus on speaking in sentences. We still laugh at that!
So where is home? The stunning Cape Town. This cheesy video has some great pics and encapsulates the spirit that can be found throughout:)
And how do I feel about going home?
Amandla! Kossacks! No matter where we are in the world, we fight for justice for all.