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Originally posted to Daily Kos on Tue Jul 01, 2014 at 05:30 AM PDT.

Also republished by Daily Kos Radio.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Hi, guys. Please do some recruiting for Andy (0+ / 0-)

    Borowitz.

    You know we lost Steve Jobs. The Last Moderate Syrian. Needs be we find a few:

    Welcome to the Moderate Syrian Rebel Vetting Process. To see if you qualify for $500 million in American weapons, please choose an answer to the following questions:
    As a Syrian rebel, I think the word or phrase that best describes me is:
    A) Moderate
    B) Very moderate
    C) Crazy moderate
    D) Other

    I became a Syrian rebel because I believe in:
    A) Truth
    B) Justice
    C) The American Way
    D) Creating an Islamic caliphate

    If I were given a highly lethal automatic weapon by the United States, I would:
    A) Only kill exactly the people that the United States wanted me to kill
    B) Try to kill the right people, with the caveat that I have never used an automatic weapon before
    C) Kill people only after submitting them to a rigorous vetting process
    D) Immediately let the weapon fall into the wrong hands

    I have previously received weapons from:
    A) Al Qaeda
    B) The Taliban
    C) North Korea
    D) I did not receive weapons from any of them because after they vetted me I was deemed way too moderate

    I consider ISIS:
    A) An existential threat to Iraq
    B) An existential threat to Syria
    C) An existential threat to Iraq and Syria
    D) The people who will pick up my American weapon after I drop it and run away

    Complete the following sentence. “American weapons are…”
    A) Always a good thing to randomly add to any international hot spot
    B) Exactly what this raging civil war has been missing for the past three years
    C) Best when used moderately
    D) Super easy to resell online

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Finding Syria on a world map is optional. Tracing a path of the Euphrates River from Turkey through Syria to Iraq and the sea is optional. Living with 118-degree temperatures during Ramadan is optional.

    And the $500,000,000 goes to... what? Iran's Qods Force ???

    Axis of Moderate !!

    HERE at New Yorker for Andy. Thank you.

    "Stealing kids' lunch money makes them strong and independent." -- after Paul "False Prophet" Ryan

    by waterstreet2013 on Tue Jul 01, 2014 at 05:55:21 AM PDT

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