We've all wanted to kill a cat for being an asshole. That's why you never hear about Schrödinger's dog.
Lions probably want to get coolass haircuts, but their mane concerns are about keeping their pride.
If you're driving with your dog and a cop pulls you over, put him in the driver's seat and pretend to be sleeping in the passenger seat.
Horses always look like they smoked way too much weed and forgot how to use their neck.
Today's horoscope: Libra's are born adventurers. They like to throw food in restaurants, talk loudly in Church and barge into operating rooms to see what's up.
Cop: What are you doing?
Me: Parking behind that fire hydrant
Cop: Why?
Me: I can't park in front of it
Cop: Are you high?
Me: High on logic
Sometimes better living is just a house fire and insurance payoff away!