So, yeah, I've been away and I may make that permanent at some point, but I'm still here right now. You're welcome.
Anyway. I had to write because I have a predicament and I really need to vent, man. Really truly.
I have been feeling this Weird Thing for several weeks now, and I couldn't identify what it was until tonight. In fact, I had to make myself think about it. And after some soul-searching and several serious suck-ass moments, I realized what it was and how to define it.
I'm having a case of Fat Girl Syndrome.
Everybody has either had a Fat Girl Syndrome moment at some point in their lives or they know someone who has. This, of course, includes dudes, but I'm a girl so I'm making it gender-specific because this is my own experience; I'm a chick and I am fat. Go figure.
The definition of Fat Girl Syndrome is so simple it's tragic:
Fat Girl Syndrome occurs when a perfectly lovely woman is either a) made to be invisible, or b) made to feel inferior because of her curvy-to-bodacious weight.It's a thing, it happens, and it fucking sucks. I hate it with the fiery passion I usually only reserve for George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. And Ann Coulter. And Rush Limbaugh. And 5/4ths of the Supreme Court.
In meat space, unbeknownst to many here in the Dkos community, I am actually a pretty sweet person. I'm kind and affectionate and I'll ask you about your day because I really care, not because I'm spoon-feeding you bullshit. I believe in "please" and "thank you" and The Golden Rule. I'm funny and nice and unassuming. You might describe me as charming, if you wish. I'm even smart and a little bit geeky, but I smile a ton and my laugh is contagious.
You probably get the point here. For the most part, I'm good people, at least at first glance. (Heh.) I usually knock 'em dead at parties, at work, and in small groups of people who are just rapping about daily crap all willy-nilly. I'm A-OK.
But I'm also fat. And, apparently, there is some sort of filter through which slender people can only hear because I don't understand it. It makes no fucking sense whatsoever.
Honestly, it reminds me of Charlie Brown's teacher:
There are certain people throughout the day who will not look at me, speak to me, speak to me only when it's convenient, treat me completely differently in private than in public, and just be downright rude to me. All day, every day. Granted, not all are because of my weight - some are just because I am fucking obnoxious. I get that. But I view this sort of thing the same way I think about ghosts: not everybody who has seen a ghost can be lying. It is statistically improbable for that to happen.
Same rules apply here. Say I am a total pain in the ass for 2/10 people. That's still 8 people who think I'm a fucking joy to be around. Lord knows why, I realize, but they do.
So at work, at parties, in restaurants, in clubs, and in all general public arenas from here to forevermore, please be advised - be kind to fat girls, man! They pay your speeding fines. They pay your beer tabs. They pay your delivery food charge. They pay your concert tickets. And none of this because they have to care for you or help you in any way. IT'S BECAUSE THEY WANT TO HELP YOU!
There is not a lot I can do on a personal level to combat this. It's not like an identifiable feature of bias, like racism, sexism, or homophobia. You can't prove it, and it's much subtler and it's sometimes more vicious (simply because people can get away with it and not get caught more frequently). There are many people who just don't like fuller-figured women, and that's alright, too. Not everything is a conspiracy. :)
Why does my attractiveness matter so fucking much to the American public? Why do I need your approval for everything I do?!
Riddle me this, DailyKos. If you can give me a sufficient answer, perhaps I will consider being riddled on a regular basis.