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If Israel invaded the United States, some US politicians would insist that Israel must do whatever is necessary to defend itself.

It's almost 2015 and we still can't fly hover cars, vacation on Mars or explain exactly what Kim Kardashian does.

This isn’t over yet, we still need to know which Sprint framily LeBron James joined.

Your mission if you choose to accept it:

Call random stores & say "Hey It's Michael or Michelle Fuck you guys I quit!"

There's gotta be a Michael or Michelle at one of those places...

I hope dead mosquitos turn into ghosts, so everytime they try to bite someone they'll be like god dammit why isn't this shit working.

When you're alone in your room, start doing karate so ghosts know what's up.

Ghosts are all upset about being dead floating around all like boo bOO. You've transcended the MORTAL REALM. Go explore the wonders of the universe, fuckers.

To the idiots who say ghosts aren't real, maybe you should watch this documentary called Ghostbusters.


We're mostly minor characters in someone else's novel.

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