Dear Mr. Friedman,
In the Spring of 2002, I purchased a paperback copy of your popular book, The Lexus and the Olive Tree. In this book, you posited that conflict between two countries that had McDonald's franchises would be extremely unlikely. In light of recent events concerning Russia, Eastern Ukraine, and Malaysia -- all of which have the Golden Arches -- it appears that your book is not worth the paper upon which it is printed.
Accordingly, I am demanding rescission of the purchase price for approximately $12.95.
Furthermore, I seek $100,000 in pain and suffering damages for reading your metaphors, and $1,000,000,000 in punitive damages for subjecting your other readers to those same metaphors.
Please remit payment to the Center for American-Soviet History, or CASH.
Sincerely yours,
Vladimir Putin
President of the Russian Federation.