I have attended YK/NN conventions since the first one in Vegas. I've only missed two ... Minneapolis and San Jose - both due to intractable scheduling conflicts. I left Detroit yesterday morning - with a lot of mixed feelings. There were some great moments. Some old friends. Some exciting panels and speakers.
But it wasn't the same.
Whenever something feels strange, I try to find a metaphor that crystallizes my misgivings. This afternoon, it hit me:
I felt like a civilian at a police convention.
I'll try to explain below:
This year's NN attracted a large attendance from Democratic and activist groups and organizations. There has always been a strong contingent at prior NNs, but not like this year. I wasn't at San Jose, so maybe this has been building and I missed it.
Most of the people I met (and there were many delightful exceptions) were people on a serious, focused mission.
A lot of them appeared to be drawing salaries to do it full time. In other words, this is their job and they are Professionals.
Many others are dedicated volunteer activists. They aren't paid, but there is one issue that is a huge focus in their lives. They are Warriors.
In my experience, whenever you combine professionals and warriors, you tend to get people who are highly motivated, highly intelligent, fearless, ruthlessly focused on their goal, and relatively disinterested in anything else.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Hell, Democrats and Progressives don't stand a chance without them.
But that's not me.
I am an emeritus academic, a designer, an inventor, and a student of complex systems. I am more of an armorer than a warrior. I don't think it is cowardice. It's just that I know I am better at one than the other. I want to design solutions, talk about policies, build strong positions, find others' weak points, synthesize and understand. ... I like to think ... and occasionally, write.
Not better. Not worse. ... Just me.
But for the first time in 7 NNs, I felt a bit out of place. I didn't feel like I was very interesting. There were two tangible occurrences that amplified that feeling:
1. A LOT of people came up to me and said "What organization is Grapes?" "What does it do?" When I explained that it was my Kos handle, they just looked perplexed.
2. On Saturday, I was asked to leave a session.
It was in one of the main session room areas (the 350s). It was around noon. Several of the other rooms were empty, but one or two had sessions. There was a nice sign that thanked the sponsor who was providing the boxed lunch. It was about standing up to Alec ... remember we got a CD in our swag bag about that.
In past NNs, a sign advertising a 'free lunch' meant that someone really, desperately, wanted an audience. Also, the topic was interesting and sort of personal. I was in an academic department at a major university that the Koch brothers tried to buy and hijack. I saw their methods and I helped to resist. We turned them down. I wondered if there was a system or pattern to these attacks ... academia, legislation?
Remember that I am a systems analyst.
Anyway, after sitting down and answering questions about my background and interest, I was politely asked to leave. It was an invitation-only session for key anti-Alec activists. The information was too sensitive for unvetted NN attendees.
I left quietly.
Later, I buttonholed the session organizer and found that the session had been approved, even recommended, by senior NN conference organizers.
I would like to believe that previous NN conference organizers would have had the consideration and good manners to suggest that they take a private session to somewhere private or offsite.
Given that they had permission, the Alec session organizers clearly didn't do anything wrong. I'm not mad at them. Yet I felt out of place.
I felt like I was a civilian at a Police convention.