I don't really care what you think of NPR or why in this moment. Because this isn't really about that. This is about an important woman in my life, the Author of Drawing Down the Moon, a Pagan Scholar and a public figure that I admired deeply.
I will talk about her as if I know her. But that isn't really true. We were not best friends. We never hung out together, I doubt we ever attended the same events at the same time. But this woman, made a powerful impression on me as a Feminist and a Pagan. She gave me hope when I wore the uniform and was surrounded by people who believed everything they read in a Chick Tract. Her words were a comfort to me, when I couldn't even turn to my own chaplains in the service, because I was Pagan and because I was female.
I am ever so grateful for her work. The times I interacted with her online many years ago, were interesting and often inspiring. I can tell you that my limited interaction with her, made me think of a gentle but strong person. Stalwart, but not overpowering. Such unique traits in a woman who had such a gifted way of communication and leadership qualities.
I read today that she died at 68, of Endometrial Cancer. And that too touched me deeply given my own situation. I wonder if she got the care she needed or if she too has been pushed through the cracks due to age, gender or even religion. yes, all of those things can and do happen. That's what Pagans like her, fought against so that we too could really become closer to first class citizens without having to hide who we are out of fear.
I don't even care what others think of Goddess Worshipers, Witches, Pagans, Heathens, or Druids. I just don't care. I see a nonsensical world that surrounds me every day peopled with individuals that hold positions of authority, who promote beliefs way nuttier than anything I have seen this side of the Necronomicon.
In contrast, Margot Adler is one of those beautiful souls that resided and still resides within that community. To her many friends and loved ones and other admirers, I am so sorry for your loss. To Margot, I hope the pain has stopped and that you are surrounded by all the good souls of your ancestors and gods, held in a loving embrace of healing and acceptance. Your physical presence here on this earth, will be sorely missed.
9:14 AM PT: Its funny how you need to talk to another person to remember everything. For the longest time I only knew of Margot Adler as the Author of Drawing Down the Moon. I only knew her as a Pagan. This was way back in the day when you didn't often advertise your beliefs outside of protected, private spaces like gatherings or festivals. And so for years I didn't know of National Public Radio at all, much less that she was a radio journalist on that service. So the first time I heard her, on NPR was a total SHOCK! Shocked I tell you! All of the sudden, here was this beautiful, powerful, successful woman who also happened to be a Pagan. Because many of us knew, that to reveal ourselves (to come out of the Broom closet) could mean the end of jobs, security clearances, damage our social lives or that of our children, even affect court cases.
Margot Adler's presence as a Pagan on NPR was a tremendously normalizing influence for me in ways that I cannot describe yet in words--give me some time. But once again I am grateful to her for giving me and so many others that gift.
The Gift, that some day we will not have to live in secret, in fear of our books being confiscated, of being harassed by police or other religious folk (while the police pretend nothing is wrong) that we can be successful and a part of America like any other citizen. You just don't know how precious that is until you don't have it.
4:20 PM PT: So I told my kids what Margot Adler is/who she is to me, as a Pagan. I am sure some suspected or just outright knew, but for those who don't know, I am a Pagan. This is yet another time I feel that I am emerging from that broom closet. I shoved myself deep inside of that cold dark space, because I was afraid for my children. Funny how children can make you feel vulnerable on their behalf. Just not going to church is enough to make us worthy of note here in this saturated red state of religion. But being a Pagan? I knew some kids during my time traveling, even some here, and what was done to them in the name of other organized religion was cruel indeed. And I feared that I would be setting my children up for just that. To be ridiculed, and ostracized because of their mother.
The irony is, that some of that happened anyway just because we were secular home schoolers.
So today I explained to them, what it's like to know in the very core of yourself, that you do not belong in the status quo. That no matter how hard you try, there is this gnawing inside of you, an emptiness, that cannot be filled from the outside, but has to be renewed from within. Only that cannot happen without the truth of the self in it's wholeness.
And so for me, coming home to Paganism was that truth of my wholeness. It was very healing for me, who had lived very hard when I was young. Like so many others, experienced the pain of harassment, of gender bias, who could not fit the pre-requisite gender roles put forth, purely saturated with religion even if the labels had been worn down to nothing by time.
Paganism allowed me to be wholly who I am supposed to be. And reading Margot Adler's Drawing Down the Moon helped me realize that even with this term, "Pagan" was diversity, and yet mostly people getting along. It was amazing to me, that you could be accepted as one person in several faiths at once without anyone missing a beat. Without having to pick a favorite, though I did from time to time. It was waking up one day as an artist, and someone telling you to pick your favorite color--and you reply, "So tell me, which color would you not paint with."
Margot and other authors like her gave me permission to be a strong, passionate, feminist woman, powerful in my own right, without apology. You cannot imagine how transformative that was after exiting the military. This was the place where sex positive did not mean slut. This was the place wherein knowledge, especially women's knowledge and wisdom was to be found, where I met my first Midwives, and Shamans, Tree Huggers, Witches, Wiccans, Heathens, Openly Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transexual people. This was during a time when Gay Bashing was not generally prosecuted. This was a time, when it appeared by all accounts to me, that Pagans and GLBT overlapped to such a degree, with their needs and their injustices, that sometimes it was difficult to remember that they are indeed separate. This community was one that more often than not, provided a safe space for not just Pagans and Occultists, but also the members of the GLBT community.
And it was all good. As long as you weren't hurting people, whatever you were, was all good. Such acceptance was a balm on my battered soul. Even the thought of such acceptance was of remarkable extravagance in a society that thus far, had shown itself to be mean spirited, stingy, and terribly mercenary.
Margot was one of the central figures that peopled the heart of that world. Getting to talk to her online those years ago, for me was like meeting a movie star or a rock star. I felt like such a dorky fraud, wondering why she would talk to me, but she did and she was always gracious and mindful. Two qualities I aspire to but at that time, had to work very hard just to imitate.
The feminism that I found in that community, in part, by way of her writings has been a powerful and an empowering force that has shaped my life.
Thank you again Margot for being such an incredible source of positive, life affirming energy in my life personally.