Last night, Stephen Colbert took aim at the Sarah Palin Channel.
I have always been a huge fan of Sarah Palin. She's a strong leader with a proven history of selflessness. I mean, in the midst of her 2008 campaign, she took the time to help out a struggling senior with severely impaired judgment. (audience laughter)Video and full transcript below the fold.
And remember, Sarah Palin's channel is SarahPalinChannel.com. Not thesarahpalinchannel.com, because we bought that one today. (wild audience cheering and applause) And, it's free!
That's enough death and destruction, I think. Let's turn to something that evidently will never die and cannot be destroyed—Sarah Palin. (audience cheering and applause)Stephen also covered all the horribly depressing violent news worldwide by drinking heavily.
I have always been a huge fan of Sarah Palin. She's a strong leader with a proven history of selflessness. I mean, in the midst of her 2008 campaign, she took the time to help out a struggling senior with severely impaired judgment.
And this week, in her continuing quest to remind America of her existence, Palin announced an exciting new project.SARAH PALIN: Hello, and welcome to a new project. This is a news channel that really is a lot more than news. ... Are you tired of the media filters? Well, I am. I always have been. So we're going to do something about it. ... We're going to make this easy too. You can watch our channel right here on your computer, your tablet, or even on your smart phone. ... We'll talk about the issues that the mainstream media won't talk about, and we'll look at the ideas that—mm—I think Washington doesn't want you to hear.Yes, the All Sarah Palin Channel. It's exactly what she's always done, only—mm—nothing else. (audience laughter) 'Cause folks, it is 24/7 Palin-tainment streamed right to your phone, with the help of Tapp. Which, it turns out, is a media company, and not, as I first assumed, the name of one of her children. (audience laughter)
And like the woman herself, the Sarah Palin Channel is all about Sarah Palin.SARAH PALIN: We'll also share some of the fun that goes on in the Palin household, and a lot of our adventures in the great outdoors trying to just get us from point A to point B. And believe me, it is fun. Because it's real life.Yeah, it's fun because it's real life. That's why I always TiVo that exciting staring contest on The Mirror Channel.
That show is amazing! How is it always a tie? He is good!
This is all part of Sarah's continuing mission to protect our freedoms at any cost—specifically, $9.95 a month. Sure, that's more than Netflix, but it's just as good as House of Cards, with even more threatening monologues in the camera.
This channel offers you something more, by offering you less. As the site notes:We... feel that the community would feel more secure knowing everyone watching, uploading videos, and participating in the discussions and video chats was a contributing member.That's right. It's a safe space where like-minded folks can hear things they already agree with from someone whose opinion they already know. A place where we Palin-heads can gather and ask the important questions. Among the most popular, apparently is, "What is your cancellation policy?"
(audience cheering and applause)
Because we Palin fans want to be just like her, and quit halfway through our commitment. (audience laughter) But, if $9.95 sounds too rich for your blood, just sign up for my new premium web channel: Stephen Colbert's Angry Echo Chamber.
For just $9.94, it's a community of people just like you, if you have a valid credit card. We'll discuss the Washington issues of the day, and the issues of the night. Like, where did the sun go? Plus, Stephen Colbert's Angry Echo Chamber gives you a 24/7 access to everything I do. Like footage of me making and eating a BLT.
Is that what I spent your $10 bucks on? The answer may surprise you. And you might even see your name on my channel when I deposit your checks in an ATM.
And Sarah Palin's channel only takes you from point A to point B. But you can follow me all the way to point C, point D, and then back to point B when I realize I left my sunglasses there.
That's real life fun. And remember, Sarah Palin's channel is SarahPalinChannel.com. Not thesarahpalinchannel.com, because we bought that one today. (wild audience cheering and applause) And, it's free! We'll be right back.
Meanwhile, Jon looked at how the U.S. has armed most of the countries in the Middle East over the years.
He then went to the vault to look at some of his suggestions for how CNN can improve itself.