Where's "Glitter Pony Dance-Off"?! Not here. All I have to offer is more congressional redistricting.
If you're new here or you're just new to my diary, check out my past redistricting of Kentucky and Indiana. Today, we'll be taking a look at another state to which I have personal connections. This is also a state where I took my kids and cousin on vacation last month. It's Wisconsin, my mother's birth state.
Click below to see how I cut the cheese.
Wisconsin is another one of those blue states that can't seem to shake its craziness. Despite voting for the Democratic candidate for U.S. president in each of the last seven elections--including Barack Obama twice--this state voted for one of the dickiest, most fascist, and most un-American governors in history in 2010, and seems poised to re-elect him this year. (Please, God, don't let Mary Burke lose.) Add to that a Republican state house and state senate, and it is clear that the Badger State needs help desperately.
Wisconsin's congressional delegation currently consists of 5 Republicans and 3 Democrats. Although these numbers are not nearly as offensive as the delegations of, say, Ohio or Pennsylvania, we can still do better than that. Way better than that. How does a 7-1 Democratic advantage sound?
Now, Wisconsin was a bit tricky to redistrict because a number of its voting precincts consist of non-contiguous areas. That will be obvious when you see the new 1st district:
This district starts in downtown Milwaukee, then goes south to Racine and Kenosha. It runs west along the Illinois-Wisconsin border until it reaches the Janesville-Beloit area. In the middle of everything is Walworth County, which has a really kooky voting precinct:
This is a single precinct: the Troy-T3 precinct. Two areas separated by almost 20 miles. Seriously, WTF?!
Anyway, this district is 61.1% Obama. Solidly blue. That's bad news for the current 1st district representative, that Ayn Rand humper who ran with Mitt Romney in 2012. Paul Ryan lives in Janesville, so he can't run on his record in this new district and expect to get re-elected.
Some parts of Janesville are in the new 2d district, so he could run there instead.
This southwestern district includes the remaining portions of Janesville and the outer portions of Madison.
If Ryan runs here, he would lose by an even bigger margin than he would in the 1st district. This district is 62.8% Obama. Either way, he would be out of a job. He would have plenty of time to lift weights shirtless in front of a full-length mirror or whatever the fuck he does in the privacy of his home.
Freshman Democratic representative Mark Pocan won this seat in 2012, as Tammy Baldwin vacated this seat to run for the U.S. Senate (and win). Pocan lives in Madison, so he can either run here or in the new 6th district, which includes downtown Madison. He'd be safe in either district.
This west central district includes La Crosse and the Wisconsin suburbs of the Minneapolis-St. Paul metro area. Although this district is only 55.1% Obama, incumbent Ron Kind (D-La Crosse) should have no problem winning re-election.
We're back to Milwaukee. This time, we have all of the heavily African-American outskirts of Milwaukee. Parts of Racine, Kenosha, and Walworth Counties are attached on the south. Immediately west of Milwaukee is Waukesha County. Even though Waukesha County is blood red, the city of Waukesha itself is left-leaning, so there's no harm in attaching it to this district.
64.5% Obama district with 32.5% Black population. Incumbent Gwen Moore (D-Milwaukee) is safe.
Republican vote sink. Basically, everything between Milwaukee, Sheboygan, and Fond du Lac. The remainder of Racine, Walworth, and Waukesha Counties are also here.
The current representative of the 5th is fuckstick James Sensenbrenner (R-Obviously) of Menomonee Falls, which is in that blood red Waukesha County. Since this district is 63% McCain, Sensenbrenner can run here until the cows come home... unless Paul Ryan decides to carpetbag and try to send the old fart to an early retirement.
The remainder of Madison, along with Wisconsin Dells, Oshkosh, Fond du Lac, and the outer sections of Sheboygan.
The current 6th district representative is Tom Petri (R-Fond du Lac), but he's hanging it up at the end of this year. This would be an easy pickup for Democrat Mark Harris in an open seat that is 62.5% Obama.
Northern Wisconsin. Eau Claire, Superior, Ashland, Wausau, and a lot of rural land in between.
Republican Sean Duffy of Weston (outside of Wausau) probably can't count on his incumbency to carry him over the finish line in this 56.4% Obama district.
The leftovers are Green Bay, Appleton, Manitowoc, and downtown Sheboygan.
This district is 54.1% Obama, so I would say that it's just Democratic enough to put Republican Reid Ribble in trouble. I don't know if former Democratic congressman Steve Kagen is doing anything right now, but he could get his seat back if he wanted it.