Fire hydrants look so sad. You save lives little buddies. Be happy about that. gently kisses one Be happy.
“This USB you invented. Why not make it plug in from both sides?”
Get out of my office Johnson.
transforms back into satan
Genie: You have one last wish
Me: I wish you to be free
Genie: Holy shit thank y-
Me: … from any doubt that my next wish is for robot legs.
Walruses are the smartest animals on the planet because they found a way to live their entire life lying down. These guys are heroes.
Snakes are terrifying because they can't trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power.
The goose stepped out of the shadows with a knife in front of the preschool teacher.
" What's this "Duck, duck, goose" shit I heard about?"
slaps tree really hard
Stop eating the sun dude