Sometimes people give well meaning advice that has a terrible effect.
The coverage of Robin Williams death went in a strange direction when I read a story that revealed something that Robin Williams once said to someone online who said they were depressed. He gave advice which I've heard on many occasions, and I'm sure he thought it was helpful. It may have been wrong. I'm hoping I can convince people to stop giving this advice to strangers.
“Reach out to your friends.... They're out there. And know that you are loved.”
Robin Williams
Sometimes I make a statement of fact to people which they don't ever seem to believe. I'm going to make it here very specifically and forcefully so I can get everyone to understand that you shouldn't say this to a stranger. It just possibly might be enough to send them over the edge into suicide. It very nearly was enough, the last time someone said it to me.
I do not have friends. I do not have family.
Were I to die in my apartment, it's likely that my body would only be found many weeks later after the stench got bad enough that someone called the police, or the fire department. There is literally nobody out there who cares enough about me to check in on me.
Were I to die in my apartment, it's likely that my body would only be found many weeks later after the stench got bad enough that someone called the police, or the fire department. There is literally nobody out there who cares enough about me to check in on me.
Once someone I'm speaking to understands that it's actually true, there next route is to attempt to convince me that I should stop hiding in my apartment.
The really hard part for me now, is to get them to understand that I'm not.
I live in a physically distant location, in a town with lousy public transit. I am disabled. There are no parks in my area. Literally, not a single one. There are no churches in my neighborhood that I can reach, and incidentally the bu s doesn't run on Sundays. It also doesn't run in the evening hours.
I have struggled for years to try to find some outside contact with the world, and believe me when I tell you that it's very hard. I am not the only person in this position.
If you are going to try and say helpful things to depressed people online, then you need to understand that there are many people out there who have absolutely nobody. Nobody who will help, nobody who will even listen.
Although I occasionally see a clinician who comes out to talk to me, they tend to quit at least every year. When I told the last one that I once wanted to be a father but its too late, they smiled and laughed because they thought it was so absurd. It didn't seem to occur to them that I might find that offensive. That should give you an idea how supportive they are. They are there about medication, and they are extremely overworked. They are the only people I speak to.
A little while after I began getting used to my current circumstances, somebody gave me the same advice that Robin Williams did. When I said I didn't have any, he said, “Oh sure you do.” That night was literally as close as I ever got to ending my life.
These days, I have managed to stabilize my life mostly because of my art. I'm not depressed at this point, I'm fine. I'm just asking people to get over the idea that everybody in the world has someone to speak to. Many don't.