Last night I posted a comment on Freidai Critters asking for advice in dealing with a lovely kitty who is perfect in every way - except she is terrified of being touched by humans. Someone suggested I let her have her own diary, and link it to the Happy Caturdie Pootie Diaree. So I am. Please just move along if you aren't interested in kitties
This is Sabrina, a lovely, fastidious, non-destructive, pure-bred Maine Coon cat. She loves to play with toys and other kitties, playing in a dainty and gentle manner. She is used to human noises like TVs and coffee grinders and pays them no mind. But she is terrified of being touched by a human. Not just "I prefer you don't do that", but terrified at the prospect of being touched. That's why she was a hard-to-place freebee who no one wanted, instead of being sold at a ridiculous price as the registered pure-bred that she is.
We don't know how this happened. She will be 4-years-old next month and we are her third home. We plan to be her forever home and we want her to feel safe and loved. The person we got her from is a conscientious breeder of Maine Coons and she got Sabrina for her breeding program about two years ago. We know the breeder and have another lovely young cat we bought from her last year. Sabrina was already afraid of people when this breeder got her, much to the breeder's surprise since Maine Coons are usually the most people-loving of cats - as our oldest boy demonstrates in this shot when he's trying to act like he's my husband's hat:
That is normal Main Coon behavior as we understand it after having six of them over the years; Sabrina's behavior is not. Because of what the breeder saw as her "temperament" problem, she was spayed and never bred. She lived as a pet in the last breeder's home for about 2 years. Below is a shot of her in that breeder's home:
While I know she was well fed, with lots of toys and other kitties to play with in that breeder's home (Sabrina LOVES other kitties), I'm afraid the breeder miscalculated on how to socialize her.
When the breeder posted her free to a good home because she is having to reduce her number of cats, she said, "If you can catch her, she will stay with you as long as you hold her." From this, I have visions of Sabrina spending the last 2 years frantically trying to avoid capture and becoming more and more afraid.
All the "expert" sites I see online describe socializing kittens or feral cats by forcing them to learn to accept human touch and associate it with good things like food. All my instincts say this is absolutely wrong for Sabrina. I think in her last home the breeder tried that approach, as she would with a young kitten, and it probably made the made Sabrina's fears worse.
Sabrina is not feral. After just two weeks with us, we can tell she that she is a wonderful little cat, well-socialized in all ways except the fear of a human touching her. She's already stopped skulking around us. She saunters through the house with her tail up. She has found HER favorite perches, HER favorite toy, and HER allowed places to scratch. She plays with our younger cat, who just turned one - and who was exhausting the senior citizens here (1 feline and 2 human). I can't resist posting a picture of our baby:
If Sabrina did not have the fear of being touched, we would consider this a perfect 3-cat household with a 12-year-old, 4-year-old and 1-year-old. We are impressed with how quickly and smoothly Sabrina fit into our household with our other kitties.
I think we have to build her trust that we will not grab at her or force ourselves on her. This causes problems with vaccinations. She's already not current on her shots, but we still brought her home to our other 2 kitties because we trust the health of the cats in the breeder's home. All the breeder's cats were indoor only, as ours are, and the other cats were current on shots. As long as we keep our other 2 kitties current on their shots, I think we can safely not capture Sabrina for any vet visits and still not risk any serious health problems. Obviously a vet visit would be good to check her teeth and general health, but I don't want to scare her with that yet since she is a young cat and seems in good health.
I think our best course with Sabrina is to be patient to let her learn that we are different and can be trusted. Last night, I posted asking for advice of others who may have dealt with this and the feedback was "stay the course." I think it will work. After only 2 weeks, we can now walk by Sabrina within a couple of feet and she doesn't panic, just watches. She's stopped the constant wide-eyed stare at us. She's started talking to us. She reminds my husband that she wants fed in the morning in HER bowl, which we still let her have separate from the others. If I'm in a doorway she wants through, she tells me she wants me to move - she doesn't run or skulk.
So, any advice? Am I crazy to set a course contrary to what is apparently the "expert" opinion, or will this work? I appreciate any feedback or advice. We are willing to be patient and think in terms of years. As I said, we plan to be Sabrina's forever home and can reasonably expect 10 years with her. We can live with her never being a particularly affectionate cat like our other two, but I hope she can get past this terror of touching.