Gov. Goodhair was in a defiant mood when he arrived at an Austin courthouse on Tuesday to get his mugshot and his prints taken, following his indictment on charges of abuse of official power and coercion of a public servant.
"Yer da guyz dat got my pals, see? An' I'm da guy dat's gonna get youz, you doity rats, you..."
OK...that's just wishful thinking on my part; he didn't say that at all, more's the pity.
But he was, y'know, defiant...or as defiant as a guy wearing Intelligence Boosting Eyewear™ gets. According to The Guardian:
Gesturing with arms aloft and speaking slowly and firmly, the governor delivered a speech in front of the entrance in which he said he would "fight this injustice with every fibre of my being" and prevail. "I'm here today because I believe in the rule of law. I'm here today because I did the right thing. I'm going to enter this courthouse with my head held high knowing the actions I took were not only lawful and legal but right," he said.
'
...speaking slowly and firmly...' is probably a good idea when you have trouble counting up to three.
The two charges Perry faces carry a maximum prison sentence together of 109 years. Sadly for Gov. Goodhair, being indicted on criminal charges is rarely the way to the electorate's hearts.
"At least in the near term this puts a serious doubt about his electability and his credibility," said Brandon Rottinghaus, a political scientist at the University of Houston who has written on the dynamics of political scandals.
whoops©goodhair 2012
Further north and north-east, two other GOP Great White Hopes appear to be in dangerous waters, filled with shoals, reefs, whirlpools and krakens. At Salon, Joan McCarter wrote recently:
Only last week, it seemed as if scandal-dogged GOP Govs. Chris Christie of New Jersey and Scott Walker of Wisconsin might be back in the 2016 game. At Mitt Romney’s Utah summit, Christie told big donors that his troubles are “over, it’s done with and I’m moving on.” Walker’s supporters crowed that in May, a judge put an end to the second John Doe probe he’s faced, this one into illegal coordination between his anti-recall campaign and outside conservative groups like Club for Growth.
Then came Thursday, when shoes dropped for both men. An Esquire report alleged that U.S. Attorney Paul Fishman has close Christie confidants talking about all the New Jersey scandals, not just Bridgegate, and he may be close to indictments. The same day a Wisconsin judge released documents showing that John Doe prosecutors believed Walker was at the center of a “criminal scheme” – two words no governor wants to see attached to his name.
Looks like there's going to be plenty of room in the GOP Clown Car this time around (when is there not?). So, if Walker and Christie get indicted, as looks to be likely, which, ahem...
serious contenders does that leave the GOP for 2016?
Well, according to THIS poll by Suffolk University/The Boston Herald, the answer is unequivocal: first choice of registered NH voters would be Mitt Romney, by a very substantial margin (68%).
The rest of field kind of disappeared in the rear-view mirror, with internet meme Rick Santorum beating the zombie-eyed Cyborg Dishwasher Paul Ryan by 7% to 3%.
So, GOP, the message is crystal-clear: it's Mitt Romney for the win! Who isn't a sucker for nostalgia? Who doesn't want to revisit the evergreen favorites of the uncannily lifelike Mittens?
Women in binders! Dogs on car-roofs! Dancing equine tax-shelters! Swiss bank accounts! Secret tax-returns! 'Corporations are people, my friend'! 47% of Americans can go fuck themselves! Betcha $10,000! Shipping American jobs to China! Mitt's patrician good manners! Mitt's profound understanding of Black Culture!
And, of course, who isn't yearning to get to know those lovable scamps, the uniform-dodging Romney boys, all over again: hey, Trick! Whassup, Bork? Lookin' good, Tramp! You're cookin' with gas, Crack!
And best of all? Bishop Mitt hasn't been indicted yet! Slam-dunk, libtard fucksticks! It'll be another landslide!
C'mon...let's: